Verde desert tree / WED 12-25-19 / Nebraska county named for indigenous people / Weather map lines relating to temperature / Rhyming question of attractiveness

Constructor: Bruce Haight

Relative difficulty: Medium (4:15)

THEME: Santa chortling all over the place — phrases with "HO" sound in them have that sound tripled to "HOHOHO," and phrase is given a wacky "things Santa might say"-type clue:

Theme answers:

• "LAND HO HO HO!" (17A: What Santa said when his sleigh touched down?)
• "PLEASE HO- HO- HOLD" (23A: What Santa might say on his North Pole hotline?)
• "IT'S HO- HO- HOPELESS!" (38A: What Santa said when the reindeer went on strike on Christmas Eve?)
• "HO- HO- HOLY SMOKES!" (50A: What Santa said when going down a chimney that had a lit fireplace?)
• "I'M HO- HO- HOME!" (61A: What Santa says around dawn on Christmas Day?)

Word of the Day: ISOTHERMS (31D: Weather map lines relating to temperature) —

1: a line on a map or chart of the earth's surface connecting points having the same temperature at a given time or the same mean temperature for a given period

2: a line on a chart representing changes of volume or pressure under conditions of constant temperature (merriam-webster.com)

• • •

If I may quote several early reviews I saw of this puzzle: "No no no." The theme is conceptually fine (though not that well executed—more on that in a moment). But the fill is so grim that I can't believe you'd want to run this puzzle *any* day of the year, let alone Christmas Day. I mean, Bashar al-ASSAD? Really? Really?? You want to put that ****ing murderous dictator, commiter of war crimes, user of chemical weapons, that guy, you want to put *him* in your light-hearted Santa-themed puzzle? And NOOSE!? Yeesh, that's grim: genocide *and* lynchings. Quite a day. And then you throw in the leering HOT OR NOT (39D: Rhyming question of attractiveness), an answer that recalls the creepy early days of Facebook, when it was called FaceMash and was set up as "a type of "hot or not" game for Harvard students. The website allowed visitors to compare two female student pictures side by side and let them decide who was more attractive" (wikipedia). Ugh. So many bad vibes in this puzzle. The misery even works its way into the theme a little, with the reindeer going on strike and Santa just going, "Oh, it's ho- ho- hopeless." Hey, Santa, pay your ****ing reindeer, you creep!


As I said, I don't mind the basic theme concept, though I wish the answers had more oomph to them. Also, LAND HO HO HO is awful, first because ... wow, there are so many things wrong. You say "land ho" when you see land, not when you "touch down." Also, that's just not a very Christmasy image. It's like you tried to make an utterly unChristmas thing into a Christmas thing just because it had "HO" in it. And about that: that answer is terrible because it's the only one where "HO" is not the first syllable of a larger word. That repeated "HO" syllable at the front end of words gives the puzzle its quirkiness and charm. But when you're just repeating "HO" on its own? That's just sad. Ho-ho-horrible first themer. The others are fine. 



Screwed up a few times along the way. Wrote in AGE instead of BIO (5D: Part of a dating profile, for short). Had PASO, I think, before PALO (1D: ___ verde (desert tree)). Wanted YOKEL before YAHOO (53D: Country bumpkin). And then just couldn't think what the hell kind of scent an air freshener might have. I hate those things. Artificial aromas give me headaches. I don't think I'd've guessed LEMON if I'd had ten guesses. So I just got that one from crosses. Hey, did you know you can get rid of NOOSE (ugh) super duper easy. NO ONE / ONO, and ... that's it. There are other remedies too, as any half-experienced constructor could tell you. I just don't get putting NOOSE in your puzzle if you don't absolutely have to. Especially on Christmas. Bizarre. OK, gotta get to bed before Santa comes. Merry Christmas, everyone.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Facebook]

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Old cornball variety show with Buck Owens / TUE 12-24-19 / Ghostbusters character Spengler / Carpenter's decorative molding / Director of 2000s Charlie's Angels to film fans / Black-purple fruit from palm tree

Constructor: Alex Eaton-Salners

Relative difficulty: Easyish (timer didn't start, so I don't know how easy, but ... somewhere on the Easy side)

THEME: BARBERSHOP / QUARTET (54A: With 63-Across, singing group .... or a hint to the ends of the answers to the four starred clues) — there are four (a quartet!) themers, each of which ends with a word for what barbers do to hair:

Theme answers:

• COLD CUT (15A: *Bologna, e.g.)
• BINDER CLIP (18A: *Device for holding papers together)
• WINDOW TRIM (32A: *Carpenter's decorative molding)
• BUMPER CROP (43A: *Abundant harvest)

Word of the Day: McG (13D: Director of 2000's "Charlie's Angels," to film fans) —

Joseph McGinty Nichol (born August 9, 1968), known professionally as McG, is an American director, producer, and former record producer.

He began his career in the music industry, directing music videos and producing various albums. He later rose to prominence with his first film, Charlie's Angels (2000), which had the highest-grossing opening weekend for a directorial debut at the time. Since then, he has directed several other films, including Charlie's Angels sequel Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle and Terminator Salvation, co-created the television series Fastlane and has executive produced numerous television programs, such as The O.C., Chuck, and Supernatural.

McG also owns a production company, Wonderland Sound and Vision, founded in 2001, which has overseen the production of the films and television shows he has worked on since Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle. (wikipedia)

• • •

Finished this quickly, with no idea of what the theme was. Looking it over after the fact, I think it works fine. Very old-fashioned at its core (a "last words"-type theme, where final words of themers all belong to the same category or otherwise have something in common), but with a revealer that gives it a little spice (with both parts of the revealer being relevant to the expression of the theme, i.e. cutting takes place in a BARBERSHOP, and there are a QUARTET of themers that end in cutting verbs). Solid. The fill is a little ... well, oddly adjectival, for one. EPOCHAL is one thing, but AREOLAR!? I'm sure it's real, but yikes. There were some other mildly cringey moments. UNWEAVE? I guess Penelope kinda does this in The Odyssey, but it's not exactly an everyday activity. EKED BY? That one feels off somehow. You'd say you "got by." You'd say you "eked out ... a living." EKED BY feels again like something that's defensible, but not exactly crisp and in-the-language. The grid was also pretty namey, in potentially treacherous ways. EGON probably isn't known to everyone. Ditto Spud WEBB. And those answers abut one another. Hopefully you know STIEG, or else you're in real trouble. EGON / NEA should obviously be EGOS / SEA, but since you've already got AT SEA in the grid, you can't use SEA again. I probably would've gone with EGOT / TEA (EGOT = Emmy Grammy Oscar Tony, a quartet that very few people possess). But I think the crosses are ultimately fair here.


Mistakes, I made a few. And, lucky for you, not too few to mention. First, forgot MCG was a thing, so that was weird. That's another one where fair crosses are essential, because that name doesn't have the currency it once did and is utterly uninferrable. I thought maybe you'd rent a CABIN by the lake, but no, it's another five-letter word starting CA- (CANOE) (30D: Lakeside rental). Lastly, I wanted POSH for BOSH (54D: Brit's "Baloney!"). Pretty sure they are synonyms. . . oh, man, looks like I was thinking of "pish posh!" I say, I'm hopeless with Briticisms!


Five things:

• 22A: Alternative to café (THÉ) — gotta supply that accent aigu or else you've just got a definite article on your hands ("thé" = "tea" in French)
• 21D: "Ghostbusters" character ___ Spengler (EGON) — I know only one other EGON: the artist EGON Schiele. He's very famous as 20th-century artists go. He's got this wiry, anxious line to his figures. I really like it.

• 62A: Ballplayers with birds on their caps (ORIOLES) — and Blue Jays. and Cardinals. 
• 10D: "Monster's Ball" Oscar winner (HALLE BERRY) — spelled it BARRY, which was right next to the CANOE snafu, so yeah, to the extent that I slowed down at all, I slowed down in that eastern area
• 28D: Hook's sidekick (SMEE) — good old SMEE. Don't see him around much anymore. Just twice a year for the past four years (incl. this one). Victim of the decline in crosswordesey names. Speaking of which ... has anyone seen EERO Saarinen!? Someone should really check in on him.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Facebook]

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