Measures of search engine optimization / WED 8-5-26 / Sparsely populated African land / Alexander who served under Reagan, Nixon and Ford

Constructor: Daniel Bodily

Relative difficulty: Easy, 10:44 on a short grid (14 rows) while on the subway

THEME:  Guys.... help! I have no idea!!! What was the point of all of this? Please enlighten me in the comments.

Every single row of the puzzle has two entries, which form a two-word phrase. For example, though CHART and TOPPER are each valid words (and entries of their own!) they are cross-referenced, so that the clue for CHART is [With 6-Across, #1 hit] and the clue for TOPPER is [-]. Note that this is unconventional, in my experience the clue for TOPPER should be [See 1-Across].

To repeat, every single row follows this pattern and I have no idea why. The first entry used the term "#1" so I thought that could be something... WESTERN of WESTERN SAHARA is on the West side of the grid? BOOLEAN implies a binary and there are two entries per row? I'm getting NOWHERE. Is the theme a BUST???

Word of the Day: Arizona Iced Tea (Beverage sold in pastel-colored cans) —

AriZona is known for its "Big Can" drinks holding 22 US fl oz (650 mL) of iced teas, juice drinks, and other beverages with markers indicating their intended retail price of US$0.99 in the United States

• • •

Hey besties, as you may have surmised from the above prattling, it's Malaika here for a Malaika MWednesday! I solved this puzzle while listening to the Jesus Christ Superstar soundtrack and was done before What's the Buzz was over. Then I stared at it for another ten minutes trying to figure out why this puzzle exists.

Besties, if you are a long time Malaika MReader, you know that I want a revealer. I want a reason! I want a bit of wordplay that explains the trick and I want to go "Oh, now I get it!" I very very very rarely want to solve a puzzle and say "Wow, it must have been so hard for the constructor to build this puzzle. Good for them!" Alas, I think this is what we've got. I am still holding out hope that one of you will point out a very obvious raison d'etre for this puzzle that I missed because half my brain was occupied eavesdropping on the guy sitting next to me who was arguing to his friend that Cars was a better movie than Up.

To the guy on the Flatbush Av bound 2 train tonight-- you are so wrong!!!

It must have been stupendously hard to lay out these entries in these perfect two-entry rows, all of them gliding atop each other like vaguely offset but still balanced Jenga blocks in a stack. There are some tricks that help, like the black squares in the corners (NYT rarely allows those) and the runs of three-letter vertical entries, four of them in a row (it's rare to even get three in a row). Not to mention.... CENO, HAIG, ODU, ADZE, ERTES, CABER, TNN, IANS, NNE, ADM, LON, AGARS, ABIE..... Was it worth it? I suppose if the majority of solvers thought this puzzle was a treat, then it was worth it! I am not one of those, but I'm intrigued to hear if any of y'all are.

I don't have a ton more to say except that my very first entry(s?) in this grid were BOOLEAN ALGEBRA. De Morgan's Laws hell yeah.

Bullets:

• [Temple services?] for HEAD MASSAGES — Truly incredible clue. Wow!
• [Web crawlers, e.g.] for INTERNET BOTS — People do not say this! You just say "bots." "Internet ad" is another one I see in puzzles a lot. No one says that!
• ["Well, I have to save my ___" (Shrek line)] for ASS — I have a core memory of being so young that I didn't know ass meant donkey but I didn't even know ass meant butt either and asking my parents why this was funny
  

xoxo Malaika

[Follow Rex Parker on BlueSky and Facebook and Letterboxd]
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"Little" Dickens girl /TUE 8-4-26 / Cookie with an "enrobed" variety in the U.K. / The "m" in many a physics equation / Rawboned / So-called "servebot" in tennis, essentially

Constructor: Vasu Seralathan

Relative difficulty: Easy

THEME: Puns at an Indian Wedding — Four phrases reworded with punny homophones related to Indian weddings.

Word of the Day: ANC (54D - Anti-apartheid org.) —

The African National Congress (ANC) is a political party in South Africa. It originated as a liberation movement known for its opposition to apartheid and has governed the country since 1994, when the first post-apartheid election resulted in Nelson Mandela being elected as President of South Africa. Cyril Ramaphosa, the incumbent national president, has served as president of the ANC since 18 December 2017.^[12]

• • •

Hello and happy Tuesday! It's Eli back and Rexplacing once again. Tuesday puzzles can be a real mixed bag, quality-wise, so I was happy to see a theme that genuinely made me smile. And then... well, we'll get there. Let's start with the positive. 

Theme answers:

• SARI NOT SARI (17A: Words uttered while sorting potential gowns for an Indian wedding?)
• DELHI PLATTERS (27A: Wedding feast delivery from India's capital)
• HOLI MATRIMONY (44A: Tying the knot during a colorful Hindu festival?)
• NAAN APOLOGY (57A: "Esteemed reception guests, we regret to report that we've run out of flatbread," e.g.?)

I get that puns aren't for everyone. Hell, they're not always for me. But I liked these! I literally laughed at the image of sorting piles of dresses into "Sari" and "Not Sari." Naan Apology made me giggle, too. The other two are a little more pedestrian, but they work well enough. On a Tuesday, I consider that a big win. 

But the fill...

10D - Stylish shoe feature

Unfortunately, today's puzzle continued the New York Times' continued love affair with transphonic hate-monger JK Rowling at 27D. They just will not stop with the Harry Potter references. This woman is a bigoted monster, and by continuing to promote her work, they are implicitly endorsing her disgusting views. It shouldn't be this hard for adults to give up a children's book when its creator is using every cent of the profit from it to attack an already marginalized community. 

Throw in 36A (AYN - Writer Rand), 38A (MAO - Great Leap Forward leader), and 32D (NERO - Infamous Roman ruler) and you've got yourself a nice little puzzle of the despicable. Way to go. It makes me feel like ROVE (29D - Wander) was probably clued as Karl before an editor decided maybe it was all a little too much. Not a good taste to leave in my mouth. 

Ok, rant over. I know I usually try to be light and funny on here, but out of respect to my transgender friends, family, neighbors, and coworkers (to say nothing of the complete strangers!) I couldn't stay silent. Sorry (not sari) if this makes me your SWORN ENEMY (11D - Someone you will never stop despising).

I don't know if I'm Frank Grimes or Homer in this scenario

Ok, let me see if I can steer this back on track to close things out.

Stray Thoughts:

• 11A: Music genre with offbeat rhythms (SKA) — Just gonna drop this here so you can... pick it up, pick it up, pick it up!
• 36D: Attractive plus-one (ARM CANDY) — Is this ever said about a man, or is it just women? I'm not sure it would be better to have equal-opportunity objectification, but at least it wouldn't be worse.
• 4D: Toughest hits to get when hitting for the cycle in baseball (TRIPLES)— This clue addresses a pet peeve of mine: the phrase "a triple away from the cycle." If you look at the historical stats, "a triple away from the cycle" is just a good day at the plate; it's not terribly uncommon. A single away from the cycle? Now that's worth talking about.
• 54D: Iconic lab assistant of film (IGOR) — Quick: what's the name of the lab assistant in Frank Whale's original Frankenstein film from 1931? That's right; it's Fritz! Dwight Frye's portrayal of Fritz is captivating and iconic, but he's not Igor. Mary Shelley's book doesn't even feature an assistant; Fritz was introduced in an early play adaptation. The first Igor in the film series was actually Ygor, played by Bela Lugosi in Son of Frankenstein, and he wasn't a lab assistant. He was a blacksmith with a broken neck from a failed hanging. I know there have been other film Igors over the years, so I'm not trying to fact check the clue. I just like this trivia. So, to sum it up:
• FRITZ:
  
  
  
• YGOR:
  
  
  
• IGOR (Eye-gor?):
  
  Thank you for your time.

Ok, I've probably angered enough people for today. I'll be back in a couple of days to try and win you back. Going to the movies with Rex tonight; I'll tell him you all said hi.

Signed, Eli Selzer, False Dauphin of CrossWorld

[Follow Rex Parker on BlueSky and Facebook and Letterboxd]
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❤️ Support this blog ❤️: 

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• Midwest Crossword Tournament (Chicago, IL, Sat., Oct. 3, 2026)

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