Big name in Bosox history / MON 10-31-11 / Passe TV hookup / Classic 1982 movie line spoken with outstretched finger

Monday, October 31, 2011

Constructor: Jeff Chen

Relative difficulty: Easy-Medium

THEME: VAMPIRE (38A: Creature who might disagree with the saying at the ends of 17-, 22-, 48- and 56-Across) — ends of the theme answers, taken in order, make up the phrase "ONCE BITTEN, TWICE SHY"



Word of the Day: YAZ (59D: Big name in Bosox history) —
Carl Michael Yastrzemski (born August 22, 1939) is a former American Major League Baseball left fielder and first baseman. He was elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1989. Yastrzemski played his entire 23-year baseball career with the Boston Red Sox (1961–1983). He was primarily a left fielder, with part of his later career played at first base and as a designated hitter. Yastrzemski is an 18-time All-Star, the possessor of seven Gold Gloves, a member of the 3000 hit club, and the first American League player in that club to also accumulate over 400 home runs. He is second on the all-time list for games played, and third for total at-bats. He is the Red Sox' all-time leader in career RBIs, runs, hits, singles, doubles, total bases, and games played, and is second on the team's list for home runs behind another Red Sox great, Ted Williams, his predecessor in left field. In 1967, Yastrzemski achieved a peak in his career, leading the Red Sox to the American League pennant for the first time in over two decades, in that season being voted the American League MVP, and being the last winner of the triple crown for batters in the major leagues. (wikipedia)
• • •

I like the grid, but I'm not sure about the theme. Why would a VAMPIRE have an opinion about this saying? What is he disagreeing with, exactly? He's the biter, not the bitten, so ... there's nothing for him to disagree with here. Or is it that he has already been bitten (which caused the vampirism in the first place)? OK, so ... disagreeing with this phrase means ... that he'd like to be bitten again? That's not how vampires work? They don't bite other vampires (do they?). Further, given that "ONCE BITTEN, TWICE SHY" is an idiom that has nothing to do with actual biting, let alone vampires, shouldn't the VAMPIRE clue have a "?" on it. This is kind of a clunky attempt to be cutesy. But, as I said, the grid is pretty sweet, and I enjoyed solving it, so no big complaints here.

Theme answers:
  • 17A: Simultaneously (ALL AT ONCE) — I think of this as meaning "suddenly," not "simultaneously."
  • 22A: Like many itchy mutts (FLEA-BITTEN)
  • 48A: Be deliberative (THINK TWICE)
  • 56A: Not wanting to be shot? (CAMERA SHY) — that little twist on "shot" caused one of the only slow-downs I had during this solve. The other was at EVADE (I went ELUDE, of course—I hate having those words in my grid for this very reason). Oh, and at CARNEY / CARAT, where I seriously had to think (twice) about whether to go with the "K" Or the "C" spellings on those words.


Ended up breaking the 3-minute mark on this one by exactly one second—pretty normal for me when I solve using software (I prefer Puzzle Solver over AcrossLite), but fast for me when I solve on the NYT applet (as I did today). Something about the way the cursor moves in the applet feels counterintuitive. No big deal. Got my speed today when I slingshotted from COWHAND to DITZ to YAZ without a hitch (59D: Big name in Bosox history). Bam bam bam. LOUPE is a good Halloween word (16A: Jeweler's magnifying tool), as it's (nearly) French for wolf. Loup-garou = werewolf. Also Halloweenish: "E.T. PHONE HOME" (24D: Classic 1982 movie line spoken with an outstretched finger). Was surprised to see the puzzle also includes the lesser known line from that movie, from when E.T. gets drunk: "E.T. HICS."




Bullets:

  • 5D: Indigenous New Zealanders (MAORI) — other good crossword words from N.Z. include MOA, the criminally underused KEA, and, of course, HAAST'S EAGLE (never been in the xword — it's just my favorite bird of all time and I like to mention it every chance I get; if I were dressing up for Halloween, I'd go as a HAAST'S EAGLE. Like the MOA, these eagles are extinct. Unlike the MOA, they were giant flying predators who ate MOA for breakfast)
  • 11D: "It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am" speaker (MUHAMMAD ALI) —I love that guy.


  • 26A: Oscar : film :: ___ : TV (EMMY) — because I'd already seen ERNIE by this point (25D: Bert's pal on "Sesame Street"), I assumed "Oscar" was the Grouch.
  • 38D: Passé TV hookup (VCR) — I found myself wishing I still had one the other day when I got a movie from interlibrary loan and the only format it came in was VHS. How is "Fatso" not readily available on DVD? Anne Bancroft directed!
Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

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Untouchables villain / SUN 10-30-11 / William Morris workers / Subject of Magritte painting / Classical Italian typeface / Cousin of ampule

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Constructor: Andrea Carla Michaels and Patrick Blindauer

Relative difficulty: Easy-Medium

THEME: "Hollywood from Right to Left" — Movie titles have an "R" changed to an "L," creating wacky titles, clued "?"-style

Word of the Day: HEL (5D: Daughter of Loki) —
In Norse mythology, Hel is a being who presides over a realm of the same name, where she receives a portion of the dead. Hel is attested in the Poetic Edda, compiled in the 13th century from earlier traditional sources, and the Prose Edda, written in the 13th century by Snorri Sturluson. In addition, she is mentioned in poems recorded in Heimskringla and Egils saga that date from the 9th and 10th century respectively. An episode in the Latin work Gesta Danorum, written in the 12th century by Saxo Grammaticus, is generally considered to refer to Hel, and Hel may appear on various Migration Period bracteates. // In the Poetic Edda, Prose Edda, and Heimskringla, Hel is referred to as a daughter of Loki, and to "go to Hel" is to die. In the Prose Edda book Gylfaginning, Hel is described as having been appointed by the god Odin as ruler of a realm of the same name, located in Niflheim. In the same source, her appearance is described as half-black and half-flesh colored, and as further having a gloomy, down-cast appearance. The Prose Edda details that Hel rules over vast mansions, her servants in her underworld realm, and as playing a key role in the attempted resurrection of the god Baldr. (wikipedia)




• • •

Very cute, though the fact that there are Rs that don't got to L in the theme answers undermines the whole concept just a little. ANGEL MANAGEMENT is and FANTASTIC FOUL didn't work well for me because the movie involved in the former is not that famous and the movie involved in the latter is much, much better known as a comic. The funniest answer by a longshot was PILATES OF THE CARIBBEAN (though, unlike all the others, that one involves a massive pronunciation change in the affected word). Fill is lively an interesting throughout. Only things I really balked at were HEL (barely heard of her) and TINLIKE (which feels pretty rickety—about as solid as [any element]LIKE) (60A: Cheap and flimsy, as metal). Stunned to see "IL TROVATORE" again (the odds of an 11-letter word appearing in back-to-back puzzles must be pretty damned long) (17D: Opera whose second act is called "The Gypsy"). Really disliked the clue on TWO, mainly because the clue made no sense to me (86A: Number of X's in this puzzle's answer). There are multiple "answer"s in the puzzle. The puzzle does not have one "answer." My first instinct was to write in "OOO," thinking the clue was somehow playing around with the crossword convention of cluing a tic-tac-toe line; thus "OOO" would be zero. It made sense at the time. In my head. It did. I have no idea what ENDICOTT College is (32D: College in Beverly, Mass.), but ENDICOTT, NY is just down the street from me. It has a couple of claims to fame, most notably for being the "birthplace of IBM" (true fact), the birthplace of Johnny Hart (of "B.C." comic strip fame), and the childhood home of David Sedaris (who was born in Binghamton).

Theme answers:
  • 23A: One of St. Peter's heavenly duties? (ANGEL MANAGEMENT)
  • 42A: "Snakes on a Plane," e.g.? (SCALY MOVIE)
  • 52A: What a lazy mover prefers to carry? (THE LIGHT STUFF) — good clue
  • 67A: Workout class on a pleasure cruise? (PILATES OF THE CARIBBEAN)
  • 88A: Unbelievable court infraction? (FANTASTIC FOUL)
  • 96A: Cabby's nonstop patter? (TAXI DRIVEL)
  • 119A: Guests at a Hatfield/McCoy marriage ceremony? (WEDDING CLASHERS)
The NE corner is like a crosswordese convention—Miss ELLIE rubbing elbows with LITA Ford, Frank NITTI (25A: "The Untouchables" villain) crossing paths with Joseph ALIOTO (16D: 1960s-'70s San Francisco mayor). IMEDLA Marcos and Sheena EASTON wanted to get in (45D: "Morning Train" singer, 1981), but as you can see, they were kept waiting just outside—not enough grid cred. Sorry ladies.




Bullets:
  • 50A: Subject of a Magritte painting (PIPE) — no, "Ceci n'est PAS une pipe," so there's nothing to see here. Move along.
  • 74A: William Morris workers (AGENTS) — not a good time to confuse William Morris and Philip Morris.
  • 75A: Cousin of an ampule (VIAL) — I had FEUF for FIEF (71D: Feudal estate) and so had VEAL here at first. "What the hell kind of meat is ampule!?"
  • 81A: Film special effects, briefly (CGI) — Me: "EFX?"



  • 2D: Classical Italian typeface (ARNO) — I did not know this. ARNO is a river to me. A crosswordesey river.
  • 12D: City that was the site of three battles in the Seven Years' War (QUÉBEC) — Damn. All those [This Many] Years' Wars had me thinking Europe.
  • 47D: Ancient May birthstones (AGATES) — ??? AGATES are ancient? Or ... these used to be May birthstones in ancient times? I'm confused.
  • 61D: Automaker since 1974 (KIA) — Sportage is on my list of potential cars (down the list, but on it). We are, as of now, a one-car family.
  • 101D: Co-star of Kate and Farrah, in 1970s TV (JACLYN) — that's a nice, economical spelling. None of this Frenchified "QU" business. Just brass tacks.
Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

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Cousin of kvass / SAT 10-29-11 / Part of Buchanan High faculty / Wang Lung's wife / Attachable bulletin / Mottke Thief novelist 1935 / Title character is Manrico / Mushroom supporter

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Constructor: Barry C. Silk

Relative difficulty: Easy-Medium


THEME: none 

Word of the Day: xerostomia (20A: Aid in relieving xerostomia => GUM) —
Xerostomia [..] is the medical term for the subjective complaint of dry mouth due to a lack of saliva. Xerostomia is sometimes colloquially called pasties, cottonmouth, drooth, or doughmouth. Several diseases, treatments, and medications can cause xerostomia. It can also be exacerbated by smoking or drinking alcohol. (wikipedia)
• • •

Sometimes a guy just has to sleep (he says, as he begins typing his write-up at a much-later-than-usual 8:15 a.m.).

In terms of both quality of grid and cleverness of cluing, this is one of my favorite Barry Silk puzzles. I especially love the opening and closing Acrosses — thematically related and symmetrical. It's easy to love a puzzle when you get 1A: Coffee shop, often (WIFI HOT SPOT) instantly, and with no crosses in place. All those Downs (11 of 'em!) had their first letters in place right from the very beginning, which is like being jet-propelled into the grid (always helpful on a Saturday). And OK, so there were absurd obscure pop culture things like TEENA (11D: Mrs. Mulder on "The X-Files") and HONG (5D: "Wayne's World 2" actor James) and The NEW BEATS (24D: Pop trio with the 1964 hit "Bread and Butter," with "the") (none of which I'd heard of). In my mind, they were all made up for by MR. KOTTER, who is mainstream pop culture of the highest order and looks fantastic in the grid (36A: Part of the Buchanan High faculty). Also, he is culturally significant for popularizing the JEWFRO (a word that was in the NYT crossword puzzle once, so please, no offended letters).




[Dear lord, his voice ... I thought this was sung by a woman]


I have very little time left before this needs to be posted, so I'm going straight to Bullets—

Bullets:
  • 16A: Pianist Stein (IRA) — I'm surprised by how many things in this puzzle I just didn't know, given that I was able to finish it quickly, happily, with little struggle, in better-than-average time. Probably helps that my crossword literature muscle is pretty strong. ASCH and OLAN didn't even slow me down (53A: "Mottke the Thief" novelist, 1935 + 57D: Wang Lung's wife, in literature).
  • 60A: British big shot (NOB) — is this short of NABOB? They seem to mean the same thing.
  • 62A: Its title character is Manrico ("IL TROVATORE") — speaking of crossword muscle—I know very little about opera, but somehow this Verdi opera has come before my eyes enough times that I was able to piece it together from crosses without much trouble at all. 



  • 3D: Base in Anne Arundel County: Abbr. (FT. MEADE) — "FT" part was easy. After that, I just used crosses. Considered MEYER ... MEIER? ... MYERS?
  • 8D: Subj. of the Privacy Act of 1974 (SSN) — No idea, but SSN shows up in puzzles a lot, so why not?
  • 26D: Aircraft propellers without moving parts (RAMJETS) — yet another word I learned from crosswords.
  • 30D: Cake makeup for a feeder (SUET) — if it's in cake form or part of a feeder, it's probably SUET, a common crossword word.
  • 52D: Mushroom supporter (STIPE) — I weirdly struggle to come up with this. "It's not STEM but it kinda sounds like STEM ... STINT ... STAVE ...."
  • 63D: Italian TV channel (TRE) — a recycled clue, and a bad one. It's Italian for "three"—just clue it that way. Very few people in the U.S. watch *$&%ing Italian TV.
Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

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Discobolus sculptor / FRI 10-28-11 / People Its Leaders muralist / Filling yarn / Fictional maker earthquake pills elephant bullets

Friday, October 28, 2011

Constructor: Tim Croce

Relative difficulty: Easy-Medium

THEME: none



Word of the Day: José Clemente OROZCO (2D: "The People and Its Leaders" muralist) —
José Clemente Orozco (November 23, 1883 – September 7, 1949) was a Mexican social realist painter, who specialized in bold murals that established the Mexican Mural Renaissance together with murals by Diego Rivera, David Alfaro Siqueiros, and others. Orozco was the most complex of the Mexican muralists, fond of the theme of human suffering, but less realistic and more fascinated by machines than Rivera. Mostly influenced by Symbolism, he was also a genre painter and lithographer. Between 1922 and 1948, Orozco painted murals in Mexico City, Orizaba, Claremont, California, New York City, Hanover, New Hampshire, Guadalajara, Jalisco, and Jiquilpan, Michoacán. His drawings and paintings are exhibited by the Carrillo Gil Museum in Mexico City, and the Orozco Workshop-Museum in Guadalajara. Orozco was known for being a politically committed artist. He promoted the political causes of peasants and workers. (wikipedia)
• • •

I just like the way this grid looks—like some kind of angry monster from a "Space Invaders"-era video game. I'm never as impressed as I probably should be with stacks of very long answers, but as low word-count puzzles go, this one seemed pretty solid. I mean, yeah, lots of -ERs (BEARERS and RANGERS and TEASERs and GENDERs, for example just to name stuff in the middle), but all as part of interesting answers; plus, the short stuff is really not terrible, which is all I ask from these Big White Space puzzles.


I actually found this puzzle very easy (it's not often I can do a Friday under 6). After the obvious -ER to RCAS opening gambit (which went nowhere), I went after those short Downs in the north. After A FIT and DREA and the "S" at the end of 8D, I had TEA SETS, then guessed RHEE, and that gave me more than enough for A RUN FOR THE MONEY (not a phrase that sounds right ... A RUN FOR ONE'S MONEY, or MY MONEY, or YOUR MONEY ... THE MONEY seems strange). And, as is typical with stacked 15s, one is all you need to make short work of the whole lot. Made a good guess at ENO (20A: Composer of "1/1," "1/2," "2/1" and "2/2") and then followed Ginger Rogers IN HEELS straight down the east coast of the grid. Thought BERSERK (23D: Crazy way to go?) was BANANAS, but I knew K-TEL had to be right (39A: "Hooked on Classics" company), so ... yes, BERSERK. Got LANES. Every good solver has ACA and DECOCT in his bag somewhere, so those were no problem, and bam, there I was, clear on the other side of the grid.



Hacked my way from the NW down after that. Just guessed OROZCO (having most of the crosses in place), and then started closing in on those long central answers from the west side of the grid (turns out I ate most of my meals junior and senior year directly in front of a giant OROZCO fresco, "Prometheus"). I once considered putting "GO RANGERS" in a fruit rebus puzzle I made (33A: Winter cry in New York), so that answer didn't seem strange to me at all. Guessed SEAGRAM (which I know better as a wine cooler), and then worked my way into the SW corner. BRAM was a gimme, and I got BAALS from there. Once I finally remembered TRACEY Ullman (how could I forget?—her show is where "The Simpsons" got its start back in the late '80s), then down went SYSTEMS ANALYSTS (which always makes me think of Martin Prince on "The Simpsons"—that's his dream job). And ... poof. Done. I just had to trust that BRAHMAS (34D: Some rodeo bulls) was right (I'm not quite up to speed on my rodeo terminology). Last word in was ANTI-GUN (42A: Pacific, perhaps).





Bullets:
  • 50A: Fictional maker of earthquake pills and elephant bullets (ACME CORPORATION) — from whom Wile E. Coyote purchases ... everything, I guess. 
  • 53A: Feature of the ideal path (LEAST RESISTANCE) — spent several long seconds trying to make LEAST DISTANCE work.
  • 4D: Amsterdam-based financial giant (ING) — had AIG at first, which was right enough to help me get FORGIVE ME FATHER... (17A: Part of many confessions).
  • 10D: Filling yarn (WEFT) — Not a word I have occasion to use or see ... ever. I was surprised to see it in my grid when I was done.
  • 15D: "Discobolus" sculptor (MYRON) — thought I'd never heard of him, but then remembered saying that before. Pretty sure he's been Word of the Day before.
  • 25D: Jerry in the Basketball Hall of Fame (SLOAN) — another former Word of the Day (I think). Longtime coach of the Utah Jazz.
  • 43D: Abram of "This Old House" (NORM) — I know lots of NORMs. This isn't one of them. NORM is the new WEFT.
  • 51D: Wilfred Owen poem "Dulce et Decorum ___" (EST) — "It is sweet and fitting (to die for one's country)"—as you can see, Owen's not quoting Horace approvingly:
Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of tired, outstripped Five-Nines that dropped behind.

Gas! Gas! Quick, boys!—An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling
And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime...
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.

In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,—
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum estPro patria mori.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

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Classic 1921 play set partly in factory / THU 10-27-11 / 1957-91 King of Norway / Helps for autobiographers / Citiy near Ben Gurion airport / Glace after thawing

Thursday, October 27, 2011


Constructor: Kurt Mueller

Relative difficulty: Easy

THEME: GHOST in the Machine — a GHOST rebus, with four "GHOST" squares and a central Across answer that reads "HAUNTED" (38A: Having spirit?)

Word of the Day: RADDLE (32D: Make by interlacing) —
v. t. (răd"d'l)
To interweave or twist together.
• • •
Despite some rough fill around the edges, I quite enjoyed this one. Thus ends a four-puzzle slide the likes of which I hadn't seen in the NYT in a while. I was getting a little worried. This one has a nice central idea, with entertaining, lively theme answers. Those giant corners mean that some of the shorter crossing material is a bit ugly (e.g. HAEC, OOO, EERY, AUT (!?!?!), and virtually every Across answer in the NE). But the long answers are splendid, and uncovering the GHOSTs was actually fun. Rebus actually made things easier than normal today—there are only so many GHOST phrases, so once you have one GHOST answer in place, the cross comes almost instantly. Took me a little while to pick up the theme—I actually traversed the entire grid from NW to SE before uncovering my first GHOST at "[GHOST]BUSTERS"—but once I had it, I tore through the puzzle from there on out. Would've been under 5 if I could have remembered how to spell LHASA (61A: Tibetan terrier=>LHASA APSO). I always want to go with LLASA, which is some kind of conflation of LLAMA and LLANO, I think. Wrong continent on both counts. Anyway, fixed my mistake and still came in with a very speedy time, just over 5.





Theme answers:
  • PALE AS A [GHOST] / [GHOST] TOWN (8D: Result of a boom and bust, maybe)
  • GIVE UP THE [GHOST] / MARLEY'S [GHOST] (47A: Fictional character who says "I wear the chain I forged in life")
  • [GHOST] WRITERS (27A: Helps for autobiographers) / [GHOST] OF A CHANCE
  • HOLY [GHOST] / "[GHOST]BUSTERS" (69A: 1984 film whose soundtrack had a #1 hit with the same title)
There were two words I can't remember ever seeing before today: RADDLE and LIPARI (3D: Italy's ___ Islands). Other than that, everything else was fairly familiar. Kind of magical how nicely WOODY ALLEN (the filmmaker) fits alongside ROGER EBERT (the film critic) (28D: Who wrote "It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens" + 29D: "Life Itself: A Memoir" autobiographer, 2011). I love BEANIE BABY for its fantastic datedness (11D: Toy collectible of the late '90s). Grown people lost their damned minds collecting and selling and trying to make fortunes on the BEANIE BABY craze. "The craze lasted through 1999 and slowly declined after the Ty company's announcement that they would no longer be making Beanie Babies and made a bear called "The End"" (wikipedia). "The End" came in two models—noose-around-neck or gun-to-head.






No GHOSTs in "R.U.R." (Classic 1921 play set partly in a factory). Just robots.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

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Muslim mystic / WED 10-26-11 / Actress Naldi of silents / Nicest room on ship / Funnywoman Martha

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Constructor: Milo Beckman

Relative difficulty: Easy-Medium

THEME: INCORRECT CHANGE (38A: Cashier's error ... as suggested by 17-, 22-, 47- and 58-Across) — familiar phrases containing coin denominations have those denominations swapped out for other, "incorrect" denominations. Wacky answers, but no wacky cluing involved.


Word of the Day: SUFI (46D: Muslim mystic) —
Sufism or taṣawwuf (Arabic: تصوّف‎) is defined by its adherents as the inner, mystical dimension of Islam. A practitioner of this tradition is generally known as a ṣūfī (صُوفِيّ). Another name for a Sufi is Dervish. // Classical Sufi scholars have defined Sufism as "a science whose objective is the reparation of the heart and turning it away from all else but God." Alternatively, in the words of the Darqawi Sufi teacher Ahmad ibn Ajiba, "a science through which one can know how to travel into the presence of the Divine, purify one's inner self from filth, and beautify it with a variety of praiseworthy traits." (wikipedia)
• • •

But these aren't funny. And there's no logic to the denomination changes. PUMPERQUARTER is pure nonsense. I don't know what's happening this week, but it's not good. The fill isn't even interesting enough to talk about. It's all very common. Not bad (except for that IIN / NMI juxtaposition, o man ...), and not good. Just boring.




GANG SIGNS is a cool answer (11D: Handy IDs in the hood?), and the clues on ESP (5D: Medium capacity?) and VERA (35A: Aloe additive?) and EROS (42A: Baby taking a bow?) were clever. That's about all I got in the way of praise for this one. I can't think of a puzzle about which I've had less to say. Well, one interesting feature—the puzzle has thirteen (!?) "?" clues. For a Wednesday ... for any day, that is a Lot. And still the puzzle was quite easy. Usually "?" clues act like speedbumps; today, that effect appears to have been negligible.




Theme answers:
  • 17A: Exhibited perfect braking (STOPPED ON A PENNY)
  • 22A: Nicest room on a ship, probably (CAPTAIN'S DIMES)
  • 47A: Certain loaf (PUMPERQUARTER)
  • 58A: Being frugal (PINCHING NICKELS)
Did you know that TAHOE is a 1,000-foot-deep lake that straddles a state line? Well, now you do. Seriously, I got nothing today. OTO, ADZE, AGAS, RESET, ILE ... what, exactly, am I supposed to dig into here?




["Pitchin' pennies, honies had the high-top jellies..."]

Good day.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

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TV oilman-turned-private eye / TUE 10-25-11 / Scout's rider of early TV / Time in title of 1965 Wilson Pickett hit / Grotto isle of Italy / Cylindrical sandwich

Tuesday, October 25, 2011


Constructor: C.W. Stewart

Relative difficulty: Easy-Medium

THEME: WHERE ART THOU? (57A: Question that follows "O Brother" in film ... and a hint to this puzzle's theme) — "THOU" is hidden inside four theme answers

Word of the Day: MATT HOUSTON (28A: TV oilman-turned-private eye) —
Matt Houston is an American crime drama series that aired on ABC from 1982 to 1985. Created by Lawrence Gordon, the series was produced by Aaron Spelling. // Matt Houston stars Lee Horsley as a wealthy mustachioed Texas oilman named Matlock "Matt" Houston who worked as a private investigator in Los Angeles in his abundant free time. The show also stars Pamela Hensley as his lawyer sidekick, C.J., and George Wyner as his continuously frustrated business manager. During the show's third and final season (1984–85), Buddy Ebsen joined the cast as Matt Houston's uncle, Roy Houston. (wikipedia)
• • •
MIDNIGHT HOUR is essentially a partial and the theme revealer is a partial and one of the other theme answers is an extremely short-lived '80s crime drama—all these things add up to a not-so-lovable theme. Also, since you can't divide "THOU" anywhere but between the "T" and the "H," the puzzle theme may as well have been "two-word phrases whose second words start "HOU-"; that's certainly what I thought I was dealing with until the end. Grid is almost completely devoid of non-theme answers longer than five letters. What few there are are forgettable, or annoyingly weird (IN FUTURO? TEE SHIRT? It's a TEE, or a T-SHIRT ... see every other crossword where this word has ever appeared). Puzzle also features one of the least clever and most annoying clues of all time (___ Kong). The only time I ever want to see that clue is if the answer is DONKEY. The whole "Is it KING or is it HONG?" gimmick is bush league. Fill is generally solid, and I think the puzzle's heart is in the right place, i.e. I can see how the idea might have seemed promising and clever initially. But if a promising and clever idea yields only mediocre results ... scrap it.



Theme answers:
  • 20A: Time in the title of a 1965 Wilson Pickett hit (MIDNIGHT HOUR)
  • 28A: TV oilman-turned-private eye (MATT HOUSTON)
  • 39A: Multiple-dwelling buildings (APARTMENT HOUSES) — tried TENEMENT HOUSES here, only to find it wouldn't fit.
  • 46A: Droopy-eared dog (BASSET HOUND)
Bullets:
  • 61A: Grotto isle of Italy (CAPRI) — easy once I got the "I." Before that, I had an "O" because I tried to solve 40D: Vacation souvenir wear without looking at the clue and wrote in TEE SHOTS. 


  • 31D: Scout's rider of early TV (TONTO) — which means "stupid" or "foolish" in Spanish (trivia I learned from crosswords) 
  • 57D: Cylindrical sandwich (WRAP) — even with the "W" in place I had a little trouble with this. TACO and GYRO kept insisting that I consider them.
Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

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Elizabethan dramatist Thomas / MON 10-24-11 / Furry extraterrestrial in 1980s sitcom / Holey brewing gadget /

Monday, October 24, 2011

Constructor: Lynn Lempel

Relative difficulty: Medium



THEME: Meeting places — idioms (with "[preposition] THE [noun]" structure) are clued literally, i.e. wackily ("?"-style) as a location where a given group of people might "get together"

Word of the Day: Mel BLANC (47D: Mel with "1,000 voices") —
Melvin Jerome "Mel" Blanc (May 30, 1908 – July 10, 1989) was an American voice actor and comedian. Although he began his nearly six-decade-long career performing in radio commercials, Blanc is best remembered for his work with Warner Bros. during the "Golden Age of American animation" (and later for Hanna-Barbera television productions) as the voice of such well-known characters as Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Taz, Sylvester the Cat, Tweety Bird, Foghorn Leghorn, Yosemite Sam, Wile E. Coyote, Woody Woodpecker, Barney Rubble, Mr. Spacely, Speed Buggy, Captain Caveman, Heathcliff, Speedy Gonzales, Tom and Jerry, and hundreds of others. Having earned the nickname “The Man of a Thousand Voices,” Blanc is regarded as one of the most influential people in the voice-acting industry. (wikipedia)
• • •
Structure of this grid was odd, especially for a Monday. Huge corners, heavily segmented and choppy middle. I found it actually somewhat slower than a typical Monday, for a couple reasons. First, the aforementioned structure. Long Downs + the long theme answer in the NW made it hard to shoot right out of that corner. Had to hack together crosses in a slightly more methodical way than I'm accustomed to on Mondays. From a speed-solving perspective, the grid wasn't built for velocity—not on the margins, anyway. This is not, of course, a knock on the puzzle. There's no law that says I should be able to do every Monday in under three minutes. The other slight slowing factor, for me, was that the theme just didn't resonate. Even now I have a hard time getting my head around the catch. The "?" clues have one element that refers to the idiomatic meaning of the phrase, then another that attempts to literalize the phrase. The result was that the concept felt clunky and then uncovering of the answers brought no joy at all. Fill seems average, though the big corners give us some shinier, more interesting stuff than an early-week puzzle typically brings with it. I'm a big fan of SIN TAXES (2D: Extra costs of smoking and drinking) (that is, I'm a fan of the answer, not the taxes), and YOGI BEAR (39D: Boo Boo's buddy in Jellystone Park).




A very minor sidenote—I'd've gone OSU (or even ASU) and DIES rather than EDU and DIED just so that I could avoid the horrid THE (pretending it's French THÉ) crossing THE in the theme answer. Aside from ugliness, another reason to boot THÉ is that it's clue contains "tea," which appears in the grid as part of TEA BALL (54A: Holey brewing gadget). I like that clue on TEA BALL, though. Also, the clue on GEL (53A: Hair spiffer-upper). Why not spiff up your ordinary fill with a jazzy clue every now and again?

Theme answers:
  • 17A: Where sad trash collectors get together? (IN THE DUMPS)
  • 28A: Where future motorists get together? (DOWN THE ROAD) — what the hell is a "future motorist?"
  • 49A: Where elderly picnickers get together? (OVER THE HILL)
  • 63A: Where stranded canoeists get together? (UP THE CREEK)
I didn't know that DELL was started in a dorm room (41D: Texas computer giant started in a dorm room). I guess Facebook kind of laid permanent public claim to that particular origin story. I mean, if you have to think of a "giant" company started in a dorm room, you answer "Facebook." DELL makes me think only of that horrible spokesjerk, the DELL computer guy: "Dude, you're gettin' a DELL!" From the early aughts. Yeah, you remember.





Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

P.S. the answer to last week's meta-puzzle was JULIUS CAESAR, "THE DIE IS CAST" — if you fill in the "circles" (that is, all the "O"s) in the Mon-Sat puzzles, you see that they act like the pips on a die, with each puzzle representing a different side (or number) of that die. Those numbers give you the order you have to put the puzzles in to decipher the answer. All NW corners (in the order established by the Os/pips) spell out JULIUS, all NE corners CAESAR, all SW corners THE DIE, all SE corners IS CAST.

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Neurotic Martin Short character / SUN 10-23-11 / Slayer of his brother Bleda / Like average folks in Britain / Start of 1957 song

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Constructor: Joe DiPietro

Relative difficulty: Medium

THEME: "Take It From The Top" — Familiar phrases beginning with "IT" have "IT" removed, leaving ... odd phrases, clued wackily ("?"-style)


Word of the Day: Jennifer EHLE (119A: "Pride and Prejudice" actress Jennifer) —
Jennifer Ehle (born December 29, 1969) is a British-American actress of stage and screen. She is known for her BAFTA winning role as Elizabeth Bennet in the 1995 mini-series Pride and Prejudice. (wikipedia)
• • •

I pity the fool who has to follow Patrick Berry.

[For those who are solving this in syndication on Oct. 30, this puzzle followed a massive 6-day metapuzzle spectacular by Patrick Berry; I guess you all won't get to participate in the contest (don't worry, the prizes were terrible anyway), but I assume you'll be getting the first of those puzzles in about four weeks time—at least I hope so, for your sake. They were amazing]

This is one of those Sunday puzzles that makes me wish I didn't have to do Sunday puzzles anymore. It seems like a puzzle that was called into being by the title—it's so spot-on, that it almost makes me think it came first. I can't believe that's true, but if I found out it were, I wouldn't be terribly shocked. The resulting phrases aren't funny, even with wacky "?" clues, and the fill was forgettable at best, horrific at worst. I have UGH written next to whole sections. The DYNAST / SALVIA (69A: Plant known as "seer's sage" because of its hallucinatory effects) / AMIENS (75A: Somme place) / LINO / ELY section. The IDEAL GAS (115A: Matter in statistical mechanics) / EHLE (!?) / CAA (?) section (104D: Major org. representing entertainers and athletes). The AD REM / ONEISH / QUI section. The PPG / AMSO section. NON-U, ugh (97A: Like average folks, in Britain). AVISOS, ughwordese (117A: Dispatch boats). TAX SALE ... zzzz (1D: Transference of property to pay assessments). Frankly, the whole thing feels auto-filled. A human being would / should balk at much of this stuff.


I know Merril HOGE, but didn't figure he'd be well known enough for the puzzle (20D: Longtime ESPN football analyst Merril ___). And spelling his name, forget about it (it's pronounced "HODGE"—not sure where the "D" went). What's annoying is how much more constructors earn for making a Sunday puzzle (5x what a weekday puzzle fetches!). I have never, not once, had five times the pleasure or joy from a Sunday puzzle. I have (many times) had 5x the tedium. Yet another inexplicable and backward feature of the crossword world ... kind of like the technical incompetence of the people who run the NYT "Crosswords & Games" web page (who have had two big screw-ups in the last two days). No reason for it, and yet ... there it is.

All the theme answers are down, so "IT" is literally taken "from the top." That's a vaguely interesting architectural feature, I'll give it that.

Theme answers:
  • 3D: Gets up for the debate? (STANDS TO REASON)
  • 7D: Beats it and won't explain why? (GOES WITHOUT SAYING) – see, this just doesn't work, even at the wacky level. The clue supplies the "why" that is *clearly missing* in the answer
  • 8D: Proof that a "Jersey Shore" character has an incontinence problem? (DEPENDS ON THE SITUATION) — Ew. On many levels, ew.
  • 13D: Arrests an entire crime syndicate? (RUNS IN THE FAMILY)
  • 42D: Contents of Lenin's tomb, e.g.? (REMAINS TO BE SEEN)
  • 33D: Eschews Mensa material when going to parties? (DOESN'T TAKE A GENIUS) — by "material" do you mean a human being? A date? Clue is weird.
  • 50D: Merits at least a 20% tip? (SERVES YOU RIGHT) — people *usually* drop the "IT" when saying this phrase.   




Bullets:
  • 1A: Onetime propaganda source (TASS) — Considered ITAR and USSR as well.
  • 32A: Neurotic Martin Short character (ED GRIMLEY) — whoa, talk about dated. I'd completely forgotten about this guy (and he was before my "SNL" time, anyway — my "SNL" time being the Phil Hartman years to the present)
  • 38A: Start of a 1957 hit song ("DAY O") — He's got a new book. Belafonte, I mean.
  • 65A: 1985 film based on "King Lear" ("RAN") — gimme. Kurosawa is superb.
  • 90A: His debut album was "Rhyme Pays" (ICE-T) — he used to be a crossword standard, but I feel like he's fallen off the grid is recent years. He raps a lot in "Breakin'" (1984).




  • 99A: ___ Park, classic Coney Island amusement locale (LUNA) — I knew this only because I have a graphic novel called "LUNA Park"
  • 11D: Athlete's attire, informally (UNI) — short for "Unicycle"
  • 15D: Slayer of his brother Bleda (ATTILA) — how come no one's named "Bleda" any more?
  • 94D: Untraditional, as some marriages (SAME SEX) — really really dislike this clue. If you're going to have an "untraditional" marriage, then maybe it will be open, or bi-coastal, or sexless, or brodcast on the internet, or ... I don't know. But you're just not going to say "oh, their marriage is very untraditional ... it's SAME SEX." I see why the clue is the way it is, I know what it's getting at, but no. Clue should simply read [Like some marriages]. Done and done. You could even add "New York" or "Iowa" to the clue if you wanted.
Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

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Campaign election analyst Silver / 10-22-11 / Strip since 1961 that's printed in black white / Narrative set in Bronze Age / Role for Young

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Constructor: Patrick Berry

Relative difficulty: Easy-Medium

THEME: The solution of the week-long metapuzzle 

Word of the Day: GUYS (40A: Insults playfully) —
tr.v., guyed, guy·ing, guys.
To hold up to ridicule; mock.
• • •
"CROSS" WORDS CONTEST week! All the puzzles this week, from Monday to Saturday, have been created by one person, Patrick Berry. Have your solutions handy, because the Saturday puzzle conceals a meta-challenge involving the solution grids of all six. When you have the answer to the meta-challenge, mail it to: crossword@nytimes.com. Please do not post your answers here on the blog and please do not mail them to me! Only answers e-mailed to the above address will be considered. Twenty-five correct solvers, chosen at random, whose entries are received by 6:00 p.m. E.T. Sunday, Oct. 23, will receive copies of “Will Shortz Picks His Favorite Puzzles: 101 of the Top Crosswords From The New York Times.” Only one entry per person, please. The answer and winners’ names will appear on Friday, Oct. 28, at http://www.nytimes.com/wordplay.
• • •

Hard to evaluate a puzzle like this, which is essentially a decoder ring. Never did like instructions in my answer grid, but at least today there's a reasonable-sized payoff.

In the interest of ... I don't know what ... the integrity of the contest? Whatever the reason, I think I won't reveal the solution to the metapuzzle. I will, however, reveal the instructions provided in this puzzle, as they are the only thing that could pass for a "theme" today:

Theme answers:
  • 23A: Find contest's meta-answer by reading THE FIRST LETTERS of these clues.
  • 42A: Solvers must FILL EVERY CIRCLE in the grids to determine the grids' proper order.
If you are really trying to avoid spoilers, I would suggest you stay away from the comments section today. But then, if you were avoiding spoilers, you probably wouldn't be reading this sentence right now. At any rate, I'll reveal the meta-answer on Monday, after the contest entry window has closed.



About the grid: Biggest surprise was finding out that NATE Silver is crossworthy (13A: Campaign/election analyst ___ Silver). Good for him. I follow him on Twitter and find his statistical analyses of politics fascinating. I was surprised to find that A-ROD has only been A-ROD since '99 (16A: Nickname since 1999), even though he broke into the league (first full season) in '96. Slapped my head when I *finally* figured out what 12D: Second or sixth in a series was (ADAMS). I was thinking "ALEPH ... is first in a series ... so ... what?" Toughest part for me by far was everything around GUYS (new meaning of the word, for me) and esp. "SPY VS. SPY" (35D: Strip since 1961 that's printed in black and white) which looks *insane* in the grid. I worked and reworked that area a bunch because I was convinced that the letter sequences I was getting for that answer must be wrong. Just now noticing that that elusive [Kite part] was a BEAK. So, you know, *that* kind of "kite." I had TAIL there, at first, of course ... hmm, *that* kind of "kite" also has a tail. Couldn't process what was meant by [Astronomical appearance]—so much so that the "P" in PHASE ended up being the very last thing I put in the grid. Seven PINES???? (29A: Seven ___ (Civil War battle site)) Could've been VINES or TINES or MINES, as far as I was concerned.




Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

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Poisonous gilled mushrooms / FRI 10-21-11 / What Surgeon's Photo supposedly depicts / Prelapsarian home / 1976 Broadway musical based on Henry VIII's life

Friday, October 21, 2011

Warning—If you get your puzzle online, make sure you download the .pdf format (directly from the NYT's "Crosswords & Games" page). The *real* Friday puzzle (by Patrick Berry) is available online *exclusively* as a .pdf file. The AcrossLite and applet files are a different puzzle entirely.

Constructor: Patrick Berry

Relative difficulty: Medium


THEME: Crossing over —some Down and Across answers wrap around, or "cross over" to the other side of the grid; three grid-spanning answers have two clues each—one for the strange phrases that start on the far left of the grid, and another for familiar phrases that start somewhere in the middle of the grid and make sense only if you read them as wrapping around, or "crossing over"

Word of the Day: "REX" (37D: 1976 Broadway musical based on Henry VIII's life) —
Rex is a musical with music by Richard Rodgers, lyrics by Sheldon Harnick and libretto by Sherman Yellen, based on the life of King Henry VIII. [...] Following tryout engagements in Delaware, Washington and Boston, it opened on Broadway at the Lunt-Fontanne Theatre on April 25, 1976 and closed June 5, 1976, after 14 previews and 49 regular performances. (wikipedia)
• • •

I've done a wrap-around puzzle before (I think Tyler Hinman had one in a Lollapuzzoola tournament a couple years back) and earlier this evening I did Patrick Berry's mind-blowing Fireball puzzle for this week, so this wasn't nearly as strange to me as it might have been. I saw the gimmick right away, though the puzzle still had enough bite to make it a solid Friday affair. Weirdly, I never saw the second "crossing over" clues on the long answers. Instead, when I finished, I noticed the author LESLIE CHARTERIS's name inside CHARTER ISLES LIE. Then I went and found DESTROYING ANGEL and WINCHESTER RIFLE. Only then did I notice that these phrases were clued via Across numbers that were positioned mid-answer. If I didn't know this was part of a week-long meta puzzle, I'd say that I didn't care for this one much. Seems slightly pointless, and since the gimmick wasn't new to me, the whole thing was more chore than joy. But it's still an impressive construction—not as impressive as that damned Fireball puzzle (you really should see that thing), but impressive nonetheless.

Theme answers:
  • 6A: Country singer Gibbs glided a short distance? (TERRI FLEW INCHES) / 9A: Old West gun, crossing over? (WINCHESTER RIFLE)
  • 35A: Cowboy Rogers as part of a posse afger some younger namesakes joined up? (ELDEST ROY IN GANG) / 36A: Poisonous gilled mushrooms, crossing over? (DESTROYING ANGEL) — why is clue plural and answer singular?
  • 60A: Leasable tropical locales aren't truthful? (CHARTER ISLES LIE) / 64A: Simon Templar's creator, crossing over? (LESLIE CHARTERIS)
I had no idea there were Billboard charts in 1914. I also had no idea that a song named "The ABA Daba Honeymoon" existed (14D: "The ___ Daba Honeymoon" (1914 #1 song)). I suppose I can be forgiven that ignorance, as well as my ignorance of the extremely short-lived 1976 musical "REX!" (if it doesn't have an exclamation point in the title, it should). Took me far, far too long to get CAMBODIAN (15D: Language in which "yes" and "no" are "baat" and "te," respectively), partially because "te" is Maori, and partially because I was half-expecting an invented language like KLINGON. Never heard of the "Surgeon's Photo" (29D: What the "Surgeon's Photo" supposedly depicts => NESSIE) and can't picture or place MEL Allen at all, though somehow his name came to me fairly readily (22D: "The Week in Baseball" host Allen). Had no idea Natalie Portman's birthplace was ISRAEL. I kept wanting something "Star Wars"-y like NABOO. I love the word "pre- (and post-) lapsarian" (mmmm, Miltonesque), so EDEN was a cinch (45A: Prelapsarian home). Lastly, I made a huge crossword nerd error when I wrote in IN STIR for 11A: Doing time (INSIDE). "In stir" survives only (so far as I can tell) in crossword clues and answers. I was so bummed to be wrong.

See you tomorrow for the grand meta-finale.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

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1980s Rowan Atkinson sitcom series / THU 10-20-11 / Insincere flatter in slang / Defender in bridge column / Sarcophagus lid

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Constructor: Patrick Berry

Relative difficulty: Easy-Medium

THEME: Black and White — Eight symmetrical (!) rebus squares contain the word "WHITE" when read in one direction and "BLACK" when read in the other

Word of the Day: KAREN BLACK (43A: Best Supporting Actress nominee for "Five Easy Pieces") —
Karen Black (born July 1, 1939) is an American actress, screenwriter, singer, and songwriter. She is noted for appearing in such films as Easy Rider, Five Easy Pieces, The Great Gatsby, Rhinoceros, The Day of the Locust, Nashville, Airport 1975, and Alfred Hitchcock's final film, Family Plot. Over the course of her career, she won two Golden Globe Awards (out of three nominations), and an Academy Award nomination in 1970 for Best Supporting Actress, among numerous other honors. [She also starred in Return of the Roller Blade Seven and Decoupage 2000: Return of the Goddess] (wikipedia)
• • •

"CROSS" WORDS CONTEST week! All the puzzles this week, from Monday to Saturday, have been created by one person, Patrick Berry. Have your solutions handy, because the Saturday puzzle conceals a meta-challenge involving the solution grids of all six. When you have the answer to the meta-challenge, mail it to: crossword@nytimes.com. Please do not post your answers here on the blog and please do not mail them to me! Only answers e-mailed to the above address will be considered. Twenty-five correct solvers, chosen at random, whose entries are received by 6:00 p.m. E.T. Sunday, Oct. 23, will receive copies of “Will Shortz Picks His Favorite Puzzles: 101 of the Top Crosswords From The New York Times.” Only one entry per person, please. The answer and winners’ names will appear on Friday, Oct. 28, at http://www.nytimes.com/wordplay. 

• • •
One of my fastest Thursdays ever, but I see (by the times at the NYT site) that my experience was not quite the norm (if I'd solved on the applet, I'd be third on the board right now, as I finished in 5 flat). Rebus made things easier, not harder, and despite not knowing the phrases BANANA OIL (18A: Insincere flattery, in slang) or BEAN TREE (49A: Pod-bearing plant) (the latter of which caused me serious pain in the SE), I still sailed through this one with a well-below-average time. The crosswordy themes continue this week, what with yesterday's "Cross words" theme, and now today's B&W. The oddest thing about the grid is the poor interconnectivity; those NW and SE corners are connected to the middle patch only by a very narrow (one square) strip of land. I worked my way down into the western portion of the grid and realized I couldn't get out. Had to go back up. This slowed me down in the SE—didn't know BEAN TREE, as I say, and hadn't realized that the theme squares were symmetrical, so I felt trapped there for a bit when I couldn't make anything move. But once I put EMTS beside RONA, I was able to get moving again, and once VANNA came into view, the puzzle was pretty quickly done from there.



Theme answers:
  • LAMP B / W SALES
  • B ADDER (25A: 1980s Rowan Atkinson sitcom series set in various historical periods) / W WASH
  • B BART (8D: Famously polite Old West stagecoach robber) / W NER (this is the one answer that just looks weird, due to the non-self-standingness of "NER")
  • BACK IN B (15D: Iconic AC/DC album with the song "You Shook Me All Night Long") / B and W / W MATTER
  • KAREN B / LILY W (31D: Untainted by corruption)
  • EGG W / JACK B (44D: Star of 2010's "Gulliver's Travels")
  • VANNA W (40D: Woman of letters?) / B ANTS (58A: Nest-building pests)


That VANNA clue was brutal, in that I thought there was going to be a play on the word "letters"—or ... more of a play, I guess. I thought it might be some word for "landlady." I don't know anything about bridge, except that directions are somehow involved, which was all I needed to know today. I was looking for some technical Greek word for [Sarcophagus lid]. A bit surprised by the humble SLAB. Wanted VINNY for 40A: Title role for Joe Pesci but took it out because of the odd placement of the Y in the fourth position of a five-letter word (or, an apparently five-letter word which ended up being a nine-letter phrase). Medievalist training made BEDE a gimme (16A: The Venerable ___ (old English historian)). "Hunger enhancer" is the kind of phrase you see only in crossword clues (AROMA). I don't remember the word "organic" being in the clue for TAR (21D: Organic sealant). "Sealant" was enough. I think BRAD is a word I learned a long, long time ago from crosswords (pre-Shortzian crosswords) (6D: Fastener in a punched hole). Lastly, KIA Sorento (43D: Sorento manufacturer) was more of a gimme than in might normally have been because I've been doing a lot of car research. Mine died. Or, rather, mine is sick and I have decided to put it down. The whole process is making me not want to drive ever again. I just want a car to magically appear in my driveway. I'm not a fan of spending big chunks of money, but I'm especially not a fan of details, paperwork, haggling, and overall hassle. If any of you all want to make a car magically appear in my driveway, feel free. Just ... not a Sorento, OK?

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

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