Use a Clorox wipe on, say / SUN 3-23-25 / Gummy candy company / Doomed Ethiopian princess / Like bread more suitable for panzanella / Best impression of a Springfield patriarch? / Vehicle in 2020's "Nomadland" / Figure on a Wyoming license plate / Temporarily banish, as a college roommate / Heats to just below a boil, as milk / It might have -GUEST in its name / Oklahoma's "Wheat Capital" / Ambrosia salad ingredients

Constructor: Andrew Colin Kirk

Relative difficulty: Easy-Medium (probably just "Easy," but I got stuck for a bit in the NE)

THEME: "Where'd You Go?" — familiar phrases have their "U" changed to "ME," creating wacky phrases, which are all tied together and explained by the theme revealer: "IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME" (115A: Classic breakup excuse ... or a phonetic hint to 23-, 36-, 47-, 67-, 86- and 93-Across)

Theme answers:

• RESIST THE MERGE (from "resist the urge") (23A: Stay in one's lane?)
• MEN SOLVED MYSTERIES (from "unsolved mysteries") (36A: CliffNotes version of Holmes and Watson stories?)
• MENDER LINES (from "underlines") (47A: "When do you need this patched up?," "Do you have the missing button?," etc.?)
• FINEST HOMER (from "finest hour") (67A: Best impression of a Springfield patriarch?)
• VOTER FRAMED (from "voter fraud") (86A: Headline about a falsely incriminated person casting a ballot?)
• NAILED THE DIS MOMENT (from "nailed the dismount") (93A: Delivered a nasty insult with perfect timing?)

Word of the Day: panzanella (31A: Like bread more suitable for panzanella) —

Panzanella (Italian: [pantsaˈnɛlla]) or panmolle (Italian: [pamˈmɔlle]) is a Tuscan and Umbrian chopped salad of soaked stale bread, onions and tomatoes that is popular in the summer. It often includes cucumbers, sometimes basil and is dressed with olive oil and vinegar. [...] The name is believed to be a portmanteau of "pane", Italian for 'bread', and "zanella", a deep plate in which it is served. // Panzanella was based on onions, not tomatoes, until the 20th century. // Modern panzanella is generally made of stale bread soaked in water and squeezed dry, red onions, tomatoes, olive oil, vinegar, salt, and pepper. Cucumbers and basil are often added. // Other ingredients—lettuce, olives, mozzarella, white wine, capers, anchovies, celery, carrots, red wine, tuna, parsley, boiled eggs, mint, bell peppers, lemon juice, and garlic—are sometimes used, but Florentine traditionalists disapprove of them. (wikipedia)

• • •

DREARY pretty much sums it up. This is a theme genre that I'm just not that fond of because it's so hard to get the wackiness above polite-smile grade. There's absolutely nothing "funny" about "voter fraud" becoming "VOTER FRAMED." That's the real low point of the theme. The high point is probably MEN SOLVED MYSTERIES, just because it's silly and it involves more than just a "U"-to-"ME" switch (as with a few other themers, the changed letters are accompanied by the fragmentation of a word into two words—here, UNSOLVED into MEN SOLVED). As for the rest, shrug. For sheer ridiculousness, I guess NAILED THE DIS MOMENT is noteworthy, but overall there's just not enough cleverness or excitement to be squeezed out of this concept. The title is also bad, in the sense that it just duplicates the "You" pun found in the revealer. You gotta take the "joke" in a different direction there. But that's a superficial concern. The bigger problem is that the theme just doesn't bring enough heat. It's a variation on a well-worn concept that was never very funny to begin with. Unless your puns are outrageous, stunning, right on the money ... it's not worth it.

Also not worth it, under any circumstances: DEGERM (!?!?!?!?) (11D: Use a Clorox wipe on, say). It's obvious that DEGERM (the worst thing in the grid) was a result of ill-considered grid-building at the earliest stages. that is, if you strip out everything but the theme answers (which are essentially fixed), you are immediately presented with a very big grid-filling problem: a six-letter answer that follows the pattern --G--M. It's the first place a constructor's gonna have to work on, because your options are *real* limited. There's like ... maybe half a dozen not-completely-terrible answers that can fit that pattern (MAGNUM, LOGJAM, ORGASM ... DOGDOM? ... there are more, but they get less appealing from there). So you gotta lock one of those in early and build around it. DEGERM???? How not-a-word is it? So not-a-word that This Is Its Debut (it was used once before, 25 years ago, in a Diagramless variety puzzle, but never in the regular crossword). The best thing to do is move your black squares around, or your themers around, and find a way to avoid that very unforgiving letter pattern in the first place. That way, you don't have thousands and thousands of people solving your puzzle and wincing at the same answer. If you want people to focus on your theme, your fill should be neither STALER nor SMELLIER than it has to be. DEGERM isn't stale, but it is definitely "higher in rank?" than most answers I've ever seen.

The puzzle does sneak some entertaining fill in here and there. I don't give a damn about Darmouth as an institution, but still, I think BIG GREEN is ... well, yeah, colorful. DO NICELY is a phrase that does nicely, and who doesn't like FREE WIFI. Despite the fact that there are a couple of bad patches of short fill (IMHO DEET ALMA is one, SSNS ÉTÉ DAHL is another), most of the rest of the grid is actually pretty decent. Not much to struggle with today, though I did manage to get knotted up in the NE for a bit when I wrote in STEAMS instead of SCALDS at 13A: Heats to just below a boil, as milk. Spending too much time in coffee shops, I guess. That "S" to "S" answer worked with both "S" Downs, but of course none of the other Downs worked, nor could I make either of the two Acrosses go anywhere. "T" to "T" was "TAKE IT!" (22A: "Here!"), a phrase I kept wanting to start with "THAT..." or (ironically) "THERE!" But nope, no fit. The "A" to "E" answer at 25A: One place to redeem tickets, also not computing. I think of ARCADEs as places full of video games, maybe pinball machines. I haven't been in the "redeem tickets" type of ARCADE since ... I dunno, did Chuck E. Cheese used to have a ticket-winning and -redemption feature? I think so. Yes, this random site on the internet says so. Anyway, no dice on "TAKE IT!" or ARCADE, and no more crosses to help out because of incorrect STEAMS, and then I couldn't get the long Downs from their latter halves. -VEIN and -ASET just wouldn't move the needle at first on 16D: Retain and 17D: Told some jokes, say. Eventually I took out STEAMS, and then, with a great reluctance bordering on disgust, I tried DID A SET for 17D. "Horrible answer, let's hope it's wrong..." But it wasn't. Suddenly saw LEAVE IN and whoosh, all the answers in the NE went in. Of all the EAT-A-SANDWICH-type answers, DID A SET ... is certainly one of them. Would love to DEGERM "DID A SET." Nothing other part of the grid caused nearly so much trouble.

Bullets:

• 6A: Doomed Ethiopian princess (AIDA) — class crossword fare. It's a fine answer, but the clue on OPERA (19A: Setting for 6-Across)—didn't love that. It was easy enough, but cluing OPERA as the "setting" for AIDA just seems perverse. I guess it wants you to screw up and write in EGYPT (or CAIRO, where AIDA premiered)

["With just three days more / I have just about learned the entire score ... to AIDA!"]

• 30A: Vehicle in 2020's "Nomadland" (VAN) — this is the one where Frances McDormand rides around the country living out of her ... VAN. Directed by Chloe ZHAO. Just thinking about that movie gives me very strong peak COVID-era vibes. I don't know if I'd call that movie good, but I remember really feeling its loneliness.
• 56A: Figure on a Wyoming license plate (COWBOY) — for a brief time, this figure was a COYOTE. I think Wyoming should consider the COYOTE for its license plate. But then they hunt coyotes in Wyoming, because of course they do, what else are you going to do in Wyoming? (except yell at your smug, boot-licking Congressperson) (jk Wyoming, your state seems nice, if fairly empty):

• 77A: Temporarily banish, as a college roommate (SEXILE) — the concept existed, for sure, but I never remember hearing this term irl. Not sure how I know the term, but I do (this is its second NYTXW appearance, the first in 8 years)
• 113A: Liqueur in a spritz (APEROL) — not my favorite drink. I've lost whatever taste for fizz I ever had. Mixers in general are not really my thing. Booze-forward and ice-cold (whether over rocks or up)—that's what I'm looking for from a cocktail. The Manhattan remains the gold standard.
• 6D: Noted family of New York City's Gilded Age (ASTORS) — speaking of cruise ships ... (sorry, too soon for Titanic jokes?)
• 58D: Ambrosia salad ingredients (ORANGE) — I would describe said "salad," but I don't feel like nauseating myself. Miniature marshmallows? Mayonnaise?!? What is wrong with you people? The only Ambrosia I care to think about is...

• 83D: Summer setting in Somerset, for short (EDT) — so ... there must be a "Somerset" in ... what? Massachusetts? Wait, Kentucky!?!? There's also one in NJ and PA. All are in the Eastern Time Zone. I have no idea which Somerset was intended. I was thinking England. That misdirection was probably the point of the clue (besides the "summer" pun, of course)
• 1D: Wine whose name is the first half of its country of origin (PORT) — ah yes, PORT Ugal. My daughter just flew home from there, after being stuck at sea for a little bit because storms made the sea too rough to sail into port at Lisbon. She's been just outside Venice for most of the last few months, overseeing the installation of theaters in a brand new cruise ship. But now she's back stateside, where in a few months she'll be back in Minnesota as Production Manager of the Great River Shakespeare Festival this summer, before packing up and moving to Connecticut in the fall, where she will become ... [drum roll] ... an ELI (48D: Yalie). Are graduate students considered ELIs? Anyway, after years of my mocking the crossword for being so damn Yale-centric, I suppose this ironic twist of fate was inevitable. But congrats to her, though. Yale School of Drama. Could do worse. (Sorry, it's technically the David Geffen School of Drama at Yale, LOL, the school got demoted to second billing) (I believe this satisfies my "brag about my daughter" limit for 2025; more next year, I'm sure.)

I'm happy to announce once again that a new edition of These Puzzles Fund Abortion is available now (These Puzzles Fund Abortion 5!). Donate to abortion funds, get a collection of 23 top-notch puzzles from some of the best constructors in the business—mostly standard U.S. crossword puzzles, but also some cryptic crosswords, variety puzzles, and even an acrostic. Rachel Fabi and C.L. Rimkus have done such a great job with these collections over the past few years, raising over $300,000 for abortion funds around the country. I support a number of charitable organizations, but hardly any of them give me crosswords in return. So I'm going to give them my money today, and I hope you do too. Here's the link.

Take care,

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

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