The Indie 500 Crossword Tournament, May 30, 2015 (The Rex Parker Write-Up)

The Indie 500 Crossword Tournament

Saturday, May 30, 2015—Washington, D.C.

We drove down to suburban D.C. to stay with PuzzleGirl, which we have done several times before, but usually only to visit before leaving the country via Dulles. The drive was typical summer road trip stuff—heat, construction, Harrisburg, traffic, Gettysburg, traffic, accident, traffic, urban traffic madness, creepily bucolic area around C.I.A. headquarters … and done. 6+ hours. Ridiculous. But we were in no rush, and we made it in time for 7:30 dinner reservations, so my pre-tournament excitement was undiminished. First great surprise was that constructing phenom and all-around good guy Doug Peterson was staying with PuzzleGirl too. The second great surprise was that Doug had brought me vintage sleaze paperbacks for my (sizable) collection. This actually wasn't much of a surprise, as it's become something of a ritual—I meet Doug at a tournament, he hands over roughly 4-to-6 smutty old books in a ratty plastic bag, all of us end up crying-laughing. Here's a typical specimen:

So we all had Italian food nearby and constructor Barry Silk came along (he's the guy who makes seemingly every LAT Saturday puzzle). I had chianti and split a pizza with my wife. You really don't need to know any of this.

[Former ACPT D-division champion Vega Subramaniam and her tournament-rookie father, Mani]

Up early the next morning to drive into Georgetown. The tournament took place on the GWU campus in the Cloyd Heck Marvin Center For Something Or Other—I don't remember the last part because Cloyd Heck is such a mesmerizing name sequence, you hardly feel anything else around it is worth remembering. Cloyd! It's like Clyde and Lloyd got together and said "Heck, let's have a baby!" A truly building-worthy name. The stairwells of the building had huge posters of famous GWU alumni affixed to the underside of the stairs, creating a truly vertiginous stair-climbing experience. But again, I digress. The tournament space was lovely; you entered down a large, wide staircase into a large well-lit area with a stage on one side. We got there early so we could see all the contestants arrive. My wife decided to assume the role of official tournament photographer: "it's amazing what you can get people to do if you act like you're in charge and have a camera around your neck." I got to meet a lot of first-time tournament-goers and see a lot of old friends. The air was festive. It should be noted, however, that the organizers—Erik Agard, Peter Broda, Neville Fogarty, Andy Kravis, and Evan Birnholz—were All Business. There were very few hiccups all day long, and this was clearly due to the fact that the organizers were well and truly *working* from start to finish. Really impressive how well they cooperated and improvised and generally made the trains run roughly on time.

[Peter Broda and Erik Agard—working]

I can't talk about the puzzles in detail. I can say that all contestants solved five puzzles: three before lunch and two after. Then the top three contestants in each division—Outside Track (beginner) and Inside Track (advanced)—solved Puzzle 6 on stage while the rest of us looked on in awe / sympathy (both Outside and Inside Track solved the same grid, but did so using very, very different clues—the Inside Track clues were Brutal). But to rewind a bit—Erik Agard's puzzle was first. It had parts that were (appropriately) in color, so that was new. It also was not not not nearly as easy as most people seemed to expect a Puzzle 1 to be. I struggled, and I ended up doing better on that puzzle (relative to the field) than on any other puzzle that day. It was my favorite puzzle of the day, though I should say now that there was not a bad, or even a Just OK, puzzle in the bunch. The whole set was amazing and if you don't believe me, or if you do, you should go get them and see for yourself. I tried to congratulate Erik on his great puzzle after I'd finished it, but he was nowhere to be found—I think he was in the scorer's lair, which was this mystery area behind a black curtain that none of us were allowed to—or dared to—enter.

[Tournament organizer / constructor Neville Fogarty and crossword bon vivant Tony Orbach]

Peter Broda's puzzle was next (Puzzle 2), and this is the puzzle that caused a bunch of errors among the top solvers. There were slashed squares, and you had to write a letter in each half of the square, and—as was made perfectly clear to us from the outset—which half of the square you put which letter in *mattered*. But not everyone was as attentive as they needed to be to those instructions, so there was some carnage. I was terribly slow on that puzzle, but since I got out of it clean, my slowness didn't really matter that much. Puzzle 3 was by Finn Vigeland, and it had won the right to be in the tournament, having been selected as part of a contest from a pool of puzzles submitted by comparatively novice constructors. It was a very deserving puzzle. Again, parts of the grid were in color. The grid had objects on it—little, emoji-like renderings of a familiar object. All over the place. You had to figure out why. Really entertaining.

[Contestants Brayden Burroughs, Lena Webb, Adam Jackson]

We ate lunch at a Baja Fresh because we were lazy and there were a lot of us and actually it was pretty damned good. Tournament was running a little behind at that point, but not so's you'd notice. People seemed to be having too much of a good time to care. After lunch there was a puzzle by Andy Kravis. The whisper campaign—instigated by Andy, I'm pretty sure—had it that this puzzle, Puzzle 4, was going to literally figuratively decapitate people. It would be the equivalent of Puzzle 5 at the ACPT—the terrifying, world-slaughtering monster. This ended up being complete B.S.—so much so, that I got paranoid that I was solving it *too* easily; I figured I must be missing something. Threw my game off pretty badly. So remember if you ever attend one of these things in the future: mind games are apparently part of the deal. Don't believe the hype—just Follow Instructions and solve the puzzle. Puzzle 5 … what was it? Oh, Neville's puzzle. A fine, tricky-at-first-but-ultimately-doable puzzle. Turns out the puzzle had an interesting back story, which involved its having to be completely rewritten (they took test-solver feedback very seriously). The original idea sounded amazing, but also, possibly, solver-maddening. None of that really matters, though, as the resulting product was excellent. And just like that we were done. And *very* shortly thereafter (before Puzzle 5's time had officially completely elapsed), I found out that I had had a perfect tournament—clean, no errors. In the end, I finished 9th (out of 100 contestants—an impressive total for an inaugural independent tourney). I will never, ever finish higher than 9th at any tournament. Thus, I am The 9th Greatest Crossword Solver in the Universe In Perpetuity Forever and Ever Amen. I didn't get any hardware, but that single-digit finish (and my favorite number to boot!) was good enough for me.

[Trip Payne senses a disturbance in The Force—runs to tell Al Sanders about it]

Both of the finals were pretty thrilling. On the Outside Track, Andrew Miller (a tournament rookie who had destroyed the competition all day long) finished way before the other two contestants, but (dum dum DUM) he made the mistake (familiar to anyone who has seen "Wordplay") of leaving squares blank, even after having stepped back and checked the grid. Note to future on-stage solvers—apparently it can be hard to see the parts of the grid that are below waist level when you are stepping back to check your grid at the end. Anyway, his mistake paved the way for Joshua Himmelsbach (another rookie) to take the top prize. Christine Quinones ended up finishing well before time elapsed, so she got the … silver, or whatever they were calling 2nd place.

[Contestant Joshua Himmelsbach, looking, fittingly, victorious]

Then it was time for the big guns—all A-level competitors at the American Crossword Puzzle Tournament (ACPT), all people who had solved on stage and won before, in other venues. Joon Pahk had a Lollapuzzoola championship under his belt, Amy Reynaldo won the ACPT B division back during the year documented in "Wordplay" (you can see her curtsey if you watch real carefully), and Eric Maddy had won many regional tournaments around the country, most notably (and recently) Crosswords LA. Joon was the favorite (he's one of the very fastest solvers in the country) and he didn't disappoint, finishing comfortably ahead of the others, with no errors. Here he is looking gleeful while the others still toil away:

Amy made steady, methodical progress and came in a comfortable second. Eric didn't manage to finish in the allotted time, so he took third. That someone of his solving caliber couldn't finish in time should give you some idea how hard the cluing was. With the Outside Track clues, the puzzle was tough—but with the Inside Track clues, it was well nigh impossible. Mere mortals could not hope to solve this thing at all. So congrats to all of them, and to anyone who dares to solve a tough puzzle on stage with 100+ people watching you. I would probably break down and cry and/or put my fist through the grid.

Then there were awards to hand out. Here's the list of winners:

1st Inside Track: joon pahk

2nd Inside Track: Amy Reynaldo

3rd Inside Track: Eric Maddy

[Amy, Eric, joon]

1st Outside Track: Joshua Himmelsbach

2nd Outside Track: Christine Quinones

3rd Outside Track: Andrew Miller

[Andrew, Christine, Josh]

The PuzzleGirl Rookie of the Year Award: Andrew Miller

[Andrew's wearing the medal; Neville, for some reason, is celebrating]

Bobsy Jane's Pretty Penmanship Award: Laura Zipin (runner-up was Bret Martin)

the joon pahk award for worst handwriting: Christopher King

[He has a puzzle site: chriswords.com]

FireballCrosswords.com Indie Spirit Award: Amy Reynaldo

The Yogi Berra Best Wrong Answer Award: Megan Beresford

Special Dairy-Related Tradition Drawing Winner: Joe Cabrera (winner of this drawing got to hit any constructor of his/her choosing with a pie)

[Pie Victim: Puzzle 2 constructor Peter Broda]

After the tournament, a most unusual / terrible post-tournament dining experience for me and a few of my friends. Then back to PuzzleGirl's house to rest up for next day's trip to Camden Yards to see the Orioles lose to the Tampa Bay (don't call them "Devil") Rays, with actual Oriole fan and UVA junior-to-be and independent crossword constructor Sam Ezersky. But I'll just stop there. I can't recommend this tournament highly enough. In terms of the combination of professionalism and pure fun, only Lollapuzzoola can really compare (and you should definitely go to that—NYC, Saturday, August 8). I really hope Indie 500 happens again next year. It deserves to be an annual event. Thanks to all the organizers, and everyone who came up to me at the tournament and said (mostly) nice things. Yay, dorks!

Awaiting next year,
REX

[Follow Rex Parker on Facebook and Twitter]
[Get the 2015 Indie 500 Crossword Tournament puzzles here (under "ORDER")]
[Register for Lollapuzzoola 8 (on 8/8!) here]
[All photos ©2015 Penelope Harper]

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Academica author / SAT 11-1-14 / 1979 comedy set at Camp North Star / Husband of Elisheba / European Parliament locale / Porter Ally McBeal role / 1989 AP Female Athlete of Year / 1977 law school memoir / Apostle of Cuban Independence / Subject of tribute album every man has woman

Constructor: Trip Payne

Relative difficulty: Medium

THEME: COVERT OPERATIONS — That's the title this puzzle was *designed* to have. Also, blurb was to have read: "No one said there was going to be math!" But fate and other nonsense intervened to give us this untitled puzzle with a condescending blurb.

Anyway, the basic idea is that the numbers in the themers relate to the numbered boxes in the grid, so you need to substitute the answers from those numbers and *then* read the equation out loud in order to make sense of the clues, ID EST

Theme answers:

• BATTLEFIELD (19A: 81 ÷ 27)—i.e. PLACE (81A) divided by WAR (27A), i.e. [Place divided by war]
• NEUTROGENA (34A: 61 + 86)—i.e. PERT (61A) Plus RIVAL (86A), i.e. [Pert Plus rival] ("PERT Plus" being a brand name)
• REPEATEDLY (63A: 56 x 42)—i.e. MANY (56A) times OVER (42A), i.e. [Many times over]
• GROSS PROFIT (83A: 33 - 21)—NET SALES (33D) minus COSTS (21A), i.e. [Net sales minus costs]

Word of the Day: NELLE Porter (37D: ___ Porter, "Ally McBeal" role) —

Nelle Porter is a fictional character on the Fox television show Ally McBeal. She is portrayed by actress Portia de Rossi and appears in Seasons 2 through 5 of the show. A Boston-based lawyer, Nelle joins the fictional law firm of Cage & Fish with the ambition of someday becoming a partner. Romantically involved with partner John Cage during Seasons 2 and 3, she later appears mainly as a source of comic relief. She is also notable for her close friendship with Ling Woo, one of the show’s most remarked-upon characters. (wikipedia)

• • •

Title-less-ness and lame-blurb-ity are just two of many indignities this puzzle has suffered over the past year. This puzzle is semi-infamous in crossword circles—it's the puzzle that was supposed to be an American Crossword Tournament puzzle (hence it's non-standard size), but Mr. Shortz decided to leave it out for cameras to see during a TV profile, and since it was (if memory serves) clearly labeled as a tournament puzzle. Ah, here we go … it was a  "Business Insider" profile. Shows the completed puzzle and everything. Big gaffe. So puzzle couldn't be used, and then [drama redacted], and here we are. It's a wonderful puzzle, and I don't think the title is necessary for many top solvers and regular meta-solvers. Actually, it may not be necessary at all, from an ease-of-solving standpoint. Whether you know the title is "COVERT OPERATIONS" or not, you still have to figure out that you aren't actually doing "math," but using the answers associated with the numbers to create phrases that would make appropriate clues. Cosmetically, I prefer the puzzle with the title. But you get what you get. And this is good stuff (back story aside).


I had no idea what was going on until I was done. Until after I was done. Like most of you (probably), I actually did the math. But I was bugged by [81 ÷ 27]. Why write it that way? Why not simply [9 ÷ 3], if we're just doing math? Made no sense… and that was beginning of the thinking that got me to look at the boxes with the numbers in them (the same way you had to look at the boxes with the numbers in them to make sense of the Patrick Blindauer meta-challenge from last month). When I noticed that the "56" in the clue for REPEATEDLY (63A: 56 x 42) was the clue number for MANY (56A: ___ a time), I thought "'MANY times …' aha!" and then sure enough, the "42" part was OVER (42A: Supervising). So REPEATEDLY is [MANY times OVER]. It sure is.


I started out pretty fast on this one, but then it turned out that I had to get Every Single Themer from crosses + inference. That definitely slowed me down. Difficulty level otherwise felt more Thursday than Saturday. No tough or obscure fill (except NELLE, ugh—I remain philosophically opposed to any and all "Ally McBeal" clues, and this only gets truer with each passing, blessedly "Ally McBeal"-free day) (37D: ___ Porter, "Ally McBeal role). Toughest parts of the puzzle for me, by far, were those tiny, mostly walled-off corners in the NE and SW. Somehow managed a good guess in the SW with YEARS leading to SPRY and things coming together from there, but in the NE I was not nearly as fortunate. Why? Well, I can't spell NEUTROGENA. I had it as NEUTRAGENA. Still seems reasonable. Anyway, as I had no idea what "Academica" was, 11D: "Academica" author was blank. I had it ending -ERA. So that effectively meant No Access to that NE corner. And since the clues up there were at least slightly vague / hard. I flailed around quite a bit before I put together the correct answers. Managed to finish and still be wrong. Had HOSTS for 21A: Lists for (this seemed reasonable from an Internet standpoint), and so with the NEUTRAGENA misspelling, my author ended up as CIHERA (™, by the way—it's my new pen name, and it's pronounced "Sierra").

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

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Crosswords Los Angeles Tournament, April 25, 2009

Hey, everyone on the west coast - and especially in Southern California. You now have a crossword tournament of your very own, and you should support the hell out of it. It's a charity tournament, and it's ridiculously affordable, so ... what's not to love?

CROSSWORDS LOS ANGELES
INAUGURAL TOURNAMENT
Loyola Marymount University, Hilton 100
April 25, 2009, 10:00 AM - 4:00 PM

Here is the press release I got from the very lovely tournament organizer (whom I met in Brooklyn), Elissa Grossman:

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Hi from the Crosswords LA Tournament!

Just a quick note to say that online registration for the tournament is now live. Come one, come all, to officially sign up for the event: www.crosswordswest.com.

We are looking forward to a great day -- with, if early interest is any indication, quite a few participants. For those of you who don't remember the details (and those of you who may not have heard some of the updates since the tournament was first announced), read below:

What: One day. Five puzzles. Lunch. Head-to-head(-to-head) finals.

What else: Unpublished NY Times puzzles, provided by Will Shortz (editor of the paper's Puzzles and Games section)

When: April 25, 2009, 10:00 AM - 4:00 PM

Where: Loyola Marymount University, Hilton 100

Why: A great charity will benefit (Reading to Kids, www.readingtokids.org)

Why else: It will be fun!

Three divisions:
- ACPT (for those who have trekked to Stamford and/or Brooklyn for the mother of all crossword tournaments)
- Non-ACPT (for those who don't belong in the first category)
- Students (for those currently enrolled in high school or college*)
* Note: No exceptions made for "students of life"!

How much: $25 in advance ($20 for students); $30 on site

Prizes: Small cash and other prizes will be awarded to those who place well in each division, those who merit recognition for other reasons, or those who are lucky in raffle. Further details will be provided when we have greater clarity regarding the total number of entrants.

Any questions? Drop an email to elissa.grossman@gmail.com.
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Enroll now. I mean, come on. It's super cheap, it's for a fantastic charity, you'll be near the beach, and you'll be among the least pasty-looking crossword enthusiasts in the country. It's win win, and then win win again.

~RP

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