Martial art that uses bamboo swords / MON 2-3-25 / Obsolescent classroom wall fixture / Hopscotch locale / Makes an oopsie / Pushes down, as with the thumb / Spanish newborn / Captain Cook's right-hand man / Black-and-white dessert that's sliced

Constructor: Jack Scherban

Relative difficulty: Medium (average Monday)

THEME: CHALKED UP (34A: Achieved, as a victory ... or how you might describe 17-, 25-, 47- and 55-Across) — things that get "CHALKED UP"

Theme answers:

• BLACKBOARD (17A: Obsolescent classroom wall fixture)
• SIDEWALK (25A: Hopscotch locale)
• CUE STICK (47A: Need for playing pool)
• BOULDERERS (55A: Recreational rock climbers)

Word of the Day: Climbing chalk (see 55A: BOULDERERS) —

Climbing chalk is a dry powder substance that climbers use to improve grip and prevent slipping on holds. It is also known as magnesium carbonate or gym chalk. Chalk is made from magnesium carbonate, which is a naturally occurring compound. Magnesium carbonate absorbs moisture and reduces friction on the skin. Applying chalk to your hands keeps your hands dry, reduces slippage, and provides a better grip on holds. Chalk is commonly used in bouldering, gym, and other rock climbing. Climbers often carry it in a chalk bag or ball for easy access and application during a climb. (climbdaily dot com)

• • •

The final themer meant nothing to me. I have barely heard the term "BOULDERERS" and certainly had no idea they used some kind of chalk. All the other CHALKED UP things are superfamiliar. So the theme works fine, but it landed with a thud there, for me, at the end. The weirdness of BOULDERERS also made that SE section by far the hardest part of the grid to solve Downs-only, as I could infer SIDEWALK and CUE STICK from just a few crosses, but had a lot more trouble doing same with BOULDERERS. It's such an outlier, that answer: in terms of overall familiarity, in terms of it being human beings and not things, in terms of its being anomalously plural. It kinda ruins an otherwise adequate theme. Mars it, anyway. Otherwise, the theme seemed fine, except the part where the "UP " in CHALKED UP crossed the "UP" in SCREWS UP. It really is bad form, no matter how often we see this kind of thing. I don't care that the editor doesn't care. I'm not going to let it go. Constructors / editors should care more about polishing their grids and avoiding obvious / flagrant dupes wherever possible (today, I wouldn't care about the "UP" dupe if the "UP"s were in different parts of the grid. But crossing? Boo). 

This was a toughie from a Downs-only perspective, or should've been. It was certainly daunting to go into every one of those corners and stare down a succession of long Downs. The longer the answer, the harder it is (generally) to get with no help from crosses, so starting off with three 7s and a 6 looked tough ... but aside from a pretty understandable ILLEGAL-for-ILLICIT error, I got all those answers (and then corrected ILLICIT with no trouble). Whole NW was a cinch. Things got dicier in the NE, as I couldn't get either SCREWS UP (10D: Makes an oopsie) or SPOOK (13D: Give the heebie-jeebies)at first pass, and bizarrely inferred SIDE TALK (?) before SIDEWALK. ICK before EWW (an awful "spelling") (36D: "Gro-o-oss!") made CHALKED UP kinda hard to see for a bit. The SW was relatively easy, except I could figure out what a 37D: Black-and-white dessert that's sliced might be at first. Then, because I was looking at AS-N in one of the crosses, I wrote in ASSN (short for "association") where AS IN should've gone, making the PIE part of OREO PIE hard to see. But eventually the OREO part came to me and I just forced PIE in there and voila! Done. The SE, as I said earlier, was the roughest. STREAM before SCROLL (43D: Use TikTok, say); HON before BAE (55D: Sweetie). Uncertainty as to the spelling of KAUAI (KAWAI?). NENE and NIÑO before BEBÉ (45D: Spanish newborn). Couldn't get anything for 41D: Pushes down, as with the thumb at first. Wanted SPURTS at first but was not at all sure (46D: Small gushes). Very patchy and comparatively slow, that corner.

The one thing I kinda liked about this grid was DIDDLY / DOODLED. Couple of silly words that sound double silly together. Nothing else was terribly interesting or entertaining. Unless you're entertained by DIRT BAG (27A: Slimeball). It's colorful, I'll give it that. 

Bullets:

• 17A: Obsolescent classroom wall fixture (BLACKBOARD) — "Obsolescent"?? LOL tell that to my University, where I have had a BLACKBOARD in at least one of my classrooms for every semester going back to I can't remember when. In fact, this semester may be the first where both my boards are whiteboards. Even the room in the building built in the 21st century that I taught in last year had a damn BLACKBOARD in it. Lots of money going into building and expansion on this campus, but it ain't going into the rooms where Humanities courses get taught, that's for sure. 
• 10A: Uncomfortable health class subject, for short (STDS) — "Uncomfortable"?? Weird claim. It might be uncomfortable to have an STD, but to learn about them? Shrug. 
• 22A: Martial art that uses bamboo swords (KENDO) — every time I see KENDO in the xword, I think of Sam Fuller's The Crimson Kimono (1959), which is (I think) the only context in which I've ever seen people practicing KENDO:

• 51A: Female name that's a body part spelled backward (RAE) — glad I never saw this clue, because I'd've been like "GEL? That's a name? MRA? PIL? EOT? Who names their kids these things?"

OK, bye til next time.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

[Follow Rex Parker on BlueSky and Facebook]

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Secondary story, in TV lingo / MON 5-20-24 / Ogre with a donkey sidekick / Travel from Kauai to Maui to Oahu, say / Hotels.com mascot who must be a commanding officer / Fast-food icon who surely heads a brigade / Purple pop / Yucatán people of old

Constructor: Jack Scherban

Relative difficulty: Easy (solved Downs-only)

THEME: "YOU AND WHAT ARMY?" (49A: Unfazed response to a threat from 20-, 31- or 38-Across?) — non-military figures with military titles:

Theme answers:

• SERGEANT PEPPER (20A: Beatles album character who apparently is an infantry leader)
• CAPTAIN OBVIOUS (31A: Hotels.com mascot who must be a commanding officer)
• COLONEL SANDERS (38A: Fast-food icon who surely heads a brigade)

Word of the Day: COLONEL SANDERS (38A) —

[no emails, please]

Colonel Harland David Sanders (September 9, 1890 – December 16, 1980) was an American businessman and founder of fast food chicken restaurant chain Kentucky Fried Chicken (also known as KFC). He later acted as the company's brand ambassador and symbol. His name and image are still symbols of the company.

Sanders held a number of jobs in his early life, such as steam engine stoker, insurance salesman, and filling station operator. He began selling fried chicken from his roadside restaurant in North Corbin, Kentucky, during the Great Depression. During that time, Sanders developed his "secret recipe" and his patented method of cooking chicken in a pressure fryer. Sanders recognized the potential of the restaurant franchising concept, and the first KFC franchise opened in South Salt Lake, Utah, in 1952. When his original restaurant closed, he devoted himself full-time to franchising his fried chicken throughout the country.

The company's rapid expansion across the United States and overseas became overwhelming for Sanders. In 1964, then 73 years old, he sold the company to a group of investors led by John Y. Brown Jr. and Jack C. Massey for $2 million ($19.6 million today). However, he retained control of operations in Canada, and he became a salaried brand ambassador for Kentucky Fried Chicken. In his later years, he became highly critical of the food served by KFC restaurants, believing they had cut costs and allowed quality to deteriorate. [...] 

Sanders was commissioned as a Kentucky Colonel in 1935 by Kentucky governor Ruby Laffoon. // Kentucky Colonel is the highest title of honor bestowed by the Commonwealth of Kentucky, and is the best-known of a number of honorary colonelcies conferred by United States governors. A Kentucky Colonel Commission (the certificate) is awarded in the name of the Commonwealth by the governor of Kentucky to individuals with "Honorable" titular style recognition preceding the names of civilians aged 18 or over, for noteworthy accomplishments, contributions to civil society, remarkable deeds, or outstanding service to the community, state, or a nation. The Governor bestows the honorable title with a colonelcy commission, by issuance of letters patent. (wikipedia)

• • •

A few quibbles with this theme, which I otherwise loved, mostly for being completely bizarre. Firstly, the "Sgt." in Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band is not written out. It's definitively "Sgt." and only "Sgt." This is what I'd call "The Reverse DR. WHO Problem" (in that the "doctor" in DOCTOR WHO is always written out fully but crosswords seem to think it's OK to stylize it as DRWHO). Having SERGEANT written out fully here feels like some kind of violation. Further, it seems that "Sgt. Pepper" really was a military leader—that is, the dude in the photo used to represent him on the album was a real military leader, though James Melvin Babington seems to have been a Major General rather than a Sergeant. SERGEANT PEPPER does, technically, remain mythical. But other than that, I thought this theme was delightful. When I'd finished, the connection between revealer felt pretty tenuous, and ever after reading the clues, it still seems highly contrived, but its nutso hypothetical context is what makes it hilarious. The idea of any of these guys "threatening" you (or me, or anyone) is bizarre, but somehow, once you imagine it, the non-military impotence of these dudes with military monikers becomes absurd. Funny. CAPTAIN OBVIOUS is a great answer all on its own—I was actually happier (solving Downs-only) thinking it was just the general term one might hurl at someone saying something everyone already knows, but if you need it to be the hotels.com guy, sure, whatever. The whole concept here feels bonkers, which is to say it feels genuinely risky, which is part of why I approve. Fake military dudes with phony credentials issuing idle and possibly drunk threats with no real possibility of violence in sight—this is my idea of a good Monday time.

As a Downs-only solve, this one was a breeze, and there were a couple of genuinely lovely and/or surprising Downs along the way, specifically B-PLOT (rare that you get a 5-letter answer that feels fresh) (and yes, it's a debut) (25D: Secondary story, in TV lingo) and ISLAND HOP (also a debut) (33D: Travel from Kauai to Maui to Oahu, say). My only hesitations when solving came at the tail ends of answers. For some reason, I pulled up short after GRAPE at 8D: Purple pop (GRAPE SODA) because I was picturing an ice pop / Otter Pop / popsicle-type pop and not the more obvious soda pop. Guessed right on the KEBAB spelling, which is always nice (though having SERGEANT PEPPER in place meant that one of the vowels was already sorted). I wasn't sure if the CHOY in "bok CHOY" was a CHOY or a CHOI, so I left it blank and thankfully S-ST clearly called for a "Y" and not an "I" (41A: The "S" of GPS: Abbr.). I thought the [Arizona city or county] might be MESA (?) so I left it blank at first pass. And then with VIDEO, for some reason the first thing in my head was VIDEO DISC (??) instead of the (again) more obvious answer, VIDEO TAPE (34D: Medium for old home movies). Oh, and I had GRABS before GRIPS ( 46D: Holds tightly on to). Otherwise, whoosh, no resistance, no trouble, definitely among the easier Downs-only experiences I've ever had.

What's the difference between MAYAS (59A: Yucatán people of old) and MAYANS? Is there one? MAYAS somehow looks weird to me. Like, I'd have called the people in question MAYANS or simply MAYA before calling them MAYAS, but what the hell do I know about ye olde Yucatán plurals? Seeing Mike MYERS in the grid made me laugh, as I was just recently telling someone my only good celebrity sighting story, which involved going to the Beverly Hills eatery Kate Mantilini after a performance of my sister's then-boyfriend's play, and in this seemingly ordinary-looking, maybe slightly fancy diner, which wasn't very crowded, there was Mike MYERS, in a Toronto Maple Leafs jacket, sitting at a booth with two other people, and there was someone I believe was the composer Marvin Hamlish (don't ask me how I knew what he looked like) and then later in the evening I noticed a couple leaving (or maybe they were coming in, I forget), and while the man was in the entryway, waiting for his date to come back from the bathroom, he started doing a little dance to the music that was on the radio, and that music was "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?" by Culture Club, and that man was Jon Cryer. Of course, this all now feels like a fever dream, so if I have misidentified any of the people in question, I apologize, it was 1994, no one really knows What was happening in 1994. In fact, 1994 might actually have been 1993. Years were wobblier then.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

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