Mollusks named for their shape / TUE 12-19-23 / Horan Irish musician / Egyptian ruler from 51 to 30 B.C., familiarly / Typographical embellishment / Desire in the dessert aisle?

Constructor: Seth Weitberg

Relative difficulty: Medium (normal Tues.)

THEME: "IF I WERE YOU..." (59A: Start of some advice ... or a phonetic hint to 17-, 24-, 37- and 48-Across) — puns created by changing "I" to "U":

Theme answers:

• CLOTHES PUN (17A: "This cardboard belt is a waist of paper," for example?)
• PECTORAL FUN (24A: Good times doing bench presses?)
• MOZZARELLA STUCK (37A: Why the pizza oven is so hard to clean?)
• GROCERY LUST (48A: Desire in the dessert aisle?)

Word of the Day: NIALL Horan, Irish musician (55A) —

Niall James Horan (/ˈnaɪəl ˈhɔːrən/ NY-uhl HOR-ruhn; born 13 September 1993) is an Irish singer-songwriter. He rose to prominence as a member of the boy band One Direction, formed in 2010 on the singing competition The X Factor. The group released five albums and went on to become one of the best-selling boy bands of all time. 

Following the band's hiatus in 2016, Horan signed a recording deal as a solo artist with Capitol Records and has since released three albums: Flicker (2017), Heartbreak Weather (2020) and The Show (2023). Flicker debuted at number one in Ireland and the US, and reached the top three in Australia and the UK. The album's first two singles, "This Town" and "Slow Hands", reached the top twenty in several countries. Heartbreak Weather was released in March 2020, and debuted at number one in the UK, Ireland and Mexico, and at number four in the US.

Horan's third studio album, titled The Show, was released in June 2023. It was preceded by the singles "Heaven" and "Meltdown", which were released in February and April 2023, respectively.

• • •

Here's your weird crossword fact of the day: this is the third time "IF I WERE YOU..." has appeared in a grid this year. That's as many appearances as EERO and ASTA combined (if you don't know what those are, you weren't here in the bad old days, when they appeared in roughly every other puzzle). Luckily, "IF I WERE YOU..." is not the type of fill that makes you go "Ugh, not that again." Always feels fresh (well, for now; let's not go crazy). Today's pun is the kind that seems like it should've been the basis for a crossword theme a long time ago, and maybe in some other venue it has been, but not here, as far as I can tell. And it's not a bad idea, but it's also kind of a dead end. Change "I" to "U" ... that's it? That's it? That's it. Is this a hard thing to do? It is not. Truly, it is not. This is one of the least restrictive theme types I can imagine. You can do "U"-to-"I" word changes all day long. All. Day. Long. OK, probably not that long, but for a while. In the -ICK realm alone you can go DICK to DUCK, TRICK to TRUCK, CLICK to CLUCK, CHICK to CHUCK ... probably more, I'm getting tired. The parameters just don't seem narrow enough to be particularly interesting or praiseworthy. And if we just say "ah, come on, puns are fun, who cares that it's not restrictive?" that's fine, but with *so* many potential puns to choose from, I'd expect these to *kill* and ... PECTORAL FUN? I barely know what a "pectoral fin" is. Dorsal fin, sure, but "pectoral"? I thought "PECTORAL" was the pun element when I was moving through the puzzle (having seen only one pun to that point and not yet imagining that every single pun would involve the same letter change). And then there's CLOTHES PUN, which is kind of META, I guess (PUN *is* the pun), but as a pun, it's kinda flat. MOZZARELLA STUCK is cute and GROCERY LUST is probably the best (though I had the -Y LUST part in place and (without looking at the clue, obviously) guessed LAUNDRY LUST, which I like even better). So the concept today seems promising, but all we get are four so-so puns. There have to be better ones out there. ONE-TRUCK PONY! DUCK AND JANE! BASEBALL MUTT! See? Better. Certainly not worse. If you've got better "I"-to-"U" puns, shout them out in the comments.

The fill on this was a little disappointing, particularly in the corners, where a little more polish would've been nice. SSNS ALKA OAKEN (SW) and ANO CAPOS ATARI ISH (NW) are a lot of repeaters to take in such a small space. And RIP IT followed by ATE IT felt like too much IT. Not sure why you don't go for EVEN over EXED. You can't want the "X" (or GRIDS) that badly. Nice smooth word like EVEN beats awkwardness like EXED every time. EKE and ADE and INOIL ... there's too great a tolerance for this short gunk today. RAZOR CLAMS, though, that's very nice. APOLOGIZE is fine, OUTSTAYED kinda sags a little ... and then there's ON A PLATTER, which ... wow, normally a prepositional phrase *this* long is gonna grate. Hard. But if any looooong prepositional phrase can stand on its own, it's probably ON A PLATTER. My mind is kind of torn in half by that one, actually. My reaction was something like "No! Wait, yes! Er ..." As of now, I think that answer stands alone just fine. 

[Salome with the Head of John the Baptist by Caravaggio, National Gallery, London, c. 1607–1610]

Do not see anything specifically "turn"-y about "LET ME!" (43A: "I want a turn!"), so that was one of the harder clues to decipher today. Almost all of the "difficulty" today was in figuring out the puns. No tough proper nouns today. RITA Ora you should definitely have tucked away by now (26D: Singer Ora). NIALL Horan ... well, if you didn't know him, I understand. Still, he's pretty famous, as pop music figures go (just be grateful you didn't get HORAN as an answer). The LUDWIG clue was cute / interesting (46D: "Black Panther" composer Göransson, who shares his first name with another famous composer). Nice way to introduce you to a new name—by getting you there via an older, much much more familiar name.

That's all. Here are some more Holiday Pet Pics to brighten your darkest days of the year. First, the kitties. Here's Rikki playing with her present, which, as you can clearly see, is a ... a ... wow, I have no idea. A festive narwhal pillow, let's say! Rikki is 18. She has earned her narwhal pillow. Rikki, don’t lose that narwhal! It’s the only one you own!

[Thanks, Angie]

Here's Sweetness (!!!), who died last October, peering out from under the Tablecloth of Christmas Past:

[thanks, and condolences, Yat]

And now the puppers. First it's Monkey and Loopy, who aren't doing anything particularly holiday-related, but their cuteness demands attention, so I'll allow it.

[Thanks, Michael]

Here are Momo and Woogie, two rescue greyhounds, showing off their incredible patience. "Must you?" they sigh. Yes, we must! Dogs must be Santa-fied!

[Thanks, other Rex]

And lastly for today, the regalest and stateliest of all holiday hounds, Charlie, aka, Sir Charles of Darby, Protector of the Christmas Stockings (OK I added that stockings bit, but the rest is real). You may also call him Chuck, Chuckles, Chucklebee, Charleston, and Big Boo. Here he is guarding the staircase. None shall pass! Unless you've got treats and/or scritches, then OK some shall pass.

[Thanks, Erin]

That's all. More tomorrow. Bye.

(Please, no more Holiday Pet submissions this year, I'm all full up, truly no room at the inn, save them for next year, thank you)

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Facebook]