Voicer of Olaf in "Frozen" / SUN 3-17-24 / Colonized, as bees might / Music genre that emphasizes the offbeat / Comedian Jimmy with a self-described "schnozzola" / Literary friend of Sam, Merry and Pippin / Insurance company whose name contains a diphthong / Seller of over a billion Huggable Hangers on TV / Fictional archaeologist with a whip, familiarly

Constructor: Simeon Seigel

Relative difficulty: Medium (never saw the gimmick, so I don't know what was supposed to happen)

THEME: "All Over the Map" — different U.S. attractions that you can find in ... all parts of the U.S. The revealer is THE -O-TH --ST (69A: Locale of this puzzle's attractions (really, all eight of them!)), where the blanks can be filled to make NORTHEAST or NORTHWEST or SOUTHEAST or SOUTHWEST (I ended up with SOUTHEAST—what did you end up with?):

Theme answers:

• OLD FAITHFUL (2D: Attraction in 69-Across that's part of America's first national park)
• NIAGARA FALLS (28A: Attraction in 69-Across that once froze over for 30 hours in 1848)
• LADY LIBERTY (37A: Attraction in 69-Across that withstands dozens of lightning strikes a year, familiarly)
• CRATER LAKE (4D: Attraction in 69-Across that's almost 2,000 feet deep)
• FOUR CORNERS (104A: Attraction in 69-Across overseen by the Navajo Nation)
• EVERGLADES (80D: Attraction in 69-Across where crocodiles and alligators uniquely coexist)
• EPCOT CENTER (73D: Attraction in 69-Across designed to be a "city of the future")
• AREA FIFTY-ONE (116A: Attraction in 69-Across on the Extraterrestrial Highway)

Theme answers:

• 70D: Division for a tennis match (NET or SET)
• 56D: Word before fly (HORSE or HOUSE)
• 59D: "No," in a certain dialect (NAE or NAW)
• 66D: Touch gently (PAT or PET)

Word of the Day: OFFERTORY (20D: Collection during a church service) —

noun,plural of·fer·to·ries.

1. (sometimes initial capital letter) the offering of the unconsecrated elements that is made to God by the celebrant in a Eucharistic service.

2. Ecclesiastical. 

   • the verses, anthem, or music said, sung, or played while the offerings of the people are received at a religious service.

   • that part of a service at which offerings are made.

   • the offerings themselves. (dictionary.com)

• • •

I don't know what this puzzle was trying to do, exactly. That is, I don't know what it thought the solver (i.e. me) was gonna do. I have no idea what you were supposed to do in order to get the puzzle accepted as "correct." I guess I was supposed to somehow see all the variable squares and know they were variable ... yeah, no hope of that. I had the center answer filled in as SOUTHEAST. All the crosses worked. I looked in the SOUTHEAST corner of the grid for some help, but nope, nothing there. Well ... EPCOT CENTER was in the SOUTHEAST corner of the grid. "That's got the whole world in it, right? So maybe all these 'attractions' are also there ... somehow?" I've never been to EPCOT CENTER, so my understanding of what it entails is shaky, obviously. Anyway, had no idea how SOUTHEAST was supposed to work (because it wasn't, it seems). I finished the puzzle and didn't get a "Congratulations" message, so I checked Every Single Cross. But nothing. No errors. And yet, no "Congratulations" message. So I hit "reveal -> all" and saw the "trick." There is no shrug I could possibly shrug that could embody how much shrugginess I felt about this revelation. All my answers were correct. I know, I know, the title is "All Over the Map" and the "Attractions" in question obviously aren't (all) in the SOUTHEAST, but there was nothing to indicate where I was supposed to look for the answer. I have no idea how this "played" for all of you, or where you ended up, or whatever. But for me it felt like a waste of time, esp. the time I spent trying to find my mistakes (when there weren't any). There has *got* to be a better way to do this theme, if you really feel you need to do it—some way that lets the solver (i.e. me) in on the gimmick in a friendlier way. But I gotta say, even knowing the gimmick, seeing it now: I just don't care. It's a stunt puzzle with no solver payoff. Totally self-indulgent. There's one neat trick, which is that the "attractions" all appear in the parts of the grid that correspond to their position on a U.S. map (roughly). That is, NIAGARA FALLS and LADY LIBERTY are in the NE, FOUR CORNERS and AREA FIFTY-ONE are in the SW, etc. But none of this had anything to do with solving. It's a flourish for you to ooh and aah over, post-solve (assuming you notice it). But as for the 4x dual-letter "gimmick"—no hope. Admittedly, I didn't think about it for very long because I didn't care. Also, I had slightly more than one drink tonight (very atypical), which may be affecting my processing power. But if I hadn't hit "reveal all," I don't know how long it would have taken me to see the "gimmick." In the end, aside from as an architectural feat, I just don't see how the theme is all that impressive, even if you *did* "get" it. Eight random U.S. "attractions" with trivia clues. I dunno. Seems underwhelming.

The fill was awkward and gangly, starting with that MADEA / BAATH cross and extending out from there. TEENER!? (85A: Typical sock hopper). Come on. Please, please, come on. How in the world do you use this? Also, how in the world do you use "sock hopper"? What even are you doing? Further: HIVED?! (126A: Colonized, as bees might). LOL, what? Esoteric apicultural terminology? Wow. IRAIL (!?!?!). Is that Apple's railway system? Did you know IRAIL didn't appear for fourteen years between 1997 and 2011? We call those "The Good Years." But back to the puzzle. We've got the O'LEARYS as ... a couple?? It's Mrs. O'LEARY'S cow. O’LEARY’S, singular possessive. Since when did we start giving Mr. O'Leary a credit? Is "short hedge" a business term? I've heard of "hedge funds" and "hedging bets" and "short-selling," but not "short hedge," so I didn't get the wordplay, and it took some time to figure out that (answerwise) the "short" meant "abbr." and the "hedge" meant "qualification" (OTOH, "on the other hand"). There's something superawkward about the parenthetical "on" in 91A: Deliberated (on) (TOOK TIME). I don't know that I'd use "on" with either phrase. Anyway, they don't seem exactly equivalent, or rather TOOK TIME seems very general, whereas [Deliberated] feels specific (i.e. "Deliberated" = TOOK TIME ... doing a very specific thing). OXO is a kitchenware brand (or a short-lived pop act from the '80s who I saw open for Hall & Oates in '83). [Tic-tac-toe loser] is never, I repeat never, ever a welcome clue, but it's especially unwelcome when the answer could've been clued as something real. The idea that you would steer *into* the [Tic-tac-toe loser] clue ... baffling.

Notes:

• 114D: Insurance company whose name contains a diphthong (AETNA) — wow, this is *not* the meaning of diphthong that I know. Primary definition of diphthong is “a sound formed by the combination of two vowels in a single syllable, in which the sound begins as one vowel and moves toward another (as in coin, loud, and side )" (google / Oxford Languages). Obviously AETNA does not fit that definition. But definition 3. is "a compound vowel character; a ligature (such as æ )." So there you go. And yet ... since you don't / can't enter Æ in the grid as a "compound vowel character," I dunno, man ... Hmmm, looks like definition 2. is "a digraph representing the sound of a diphthong or single vowel (as in feat)," and since a "digraph" is a "combination of two letters representing one sound, as in ph and ey," maybe *that* is how this clue "works." Seems like the clue could've gone a clearer / more interesting route.
• 102D: Seller of over a billion Huggable Hangers on TV (HSN) — Home Shopping Network. I categorically refuse to look up what "Huggable Hangers" are.

• 46A: Either end of America? (SCHWA) — a "letteral" clue, where the answer is a letter in the clue itself, in this case, the "a" on either end of "America." Was surprised, the last time SCHWA appeared in the grid, how many people seemed never to have heard of it. I learned it in elementary school. It's basically an unstressed "uh" sound, represented by an upside-down "e" (that is, "ə").
• 11D: Person living in London (ONTARIAN) — I once drove from Ann Arbor to Hamilton, Ontario to speak at a conference at McMaster University. I remember driving past London, Ontario on the way. That is my London, Ontario story.
• 111A: Noted name in 2005 news (KATRINA) — yeah, maybe don't get cutesy with a disaster of this magnitude. Everyone goes looking for the name of a person, but ha ha, joke's on you, it's a lethal hurricane, sucker! There are other KATRINAs, is what I'm saying.
• 105D: Profitability metric, for short (ROI)— "Return on investment." Give me the French king any day. Vive le ROI!
• 60A: General meeting place (WAR ROOM) — i.e. a meeting place for (military) generals
• 98A: Caribbean music genre (SOCA) — neither my wife nor I had heard of this. Her: "They already have SKA? (50A: Music genre that emphasizes the offbeat). Did they really need another Caribbean music genre in this puzzle?" Me: "Oh my god ... are SOCA and SKA related? They sound the same. I mean, take out the 'O' and you've basically got SKA and ... SCA..." Relatedly, we've both been drinking (Mezcalettis! So good!). Turns out SOCA has nothing to do with SKA. SOCA seems to be a kind of portmanteau, from "the Soul of Calypso," and it originated in Trinidad and Tobago.
• 53D: Small role for Paul Rudd (ANT MAN) — Rudd has the starring role, but "Small" here refers to the fact that ANT MAN is ant-sized, i.e. literally tiny.

Hey, you wanna do some good puzzles? A lot of good puzzles? One of which I guest-edited? And support abortion rights in the bargain? Yes, yes you do. Or you should. The point is: These Puzzles Fund Abortion 4 (four!) just dropped this past week—over 20 original puzzles from top constructors and editors—and you can get the collection now (right now) for a minimum donation of $20 (donations split evenly among five different abortion funds—details here). You can check out a detailed description of the collection and a list of all the talent involved here. I not only guest-edited a puzzle, I also test-solved puzzles. I have now seen the finished collection, and it's really lovely, across the board. General editors Rachel Fabi and Brooke Husic and C.L. Rimkus put in a tremendous amount of work ensuring that it would be. The attention to detail—test-solving, fact-checking, etc.—was really impressive. Anyway, donate generously (assuming you are able) and enjoy the puzzle bounty! I think I'll do a separate short post about my guest-editing experience later this week, and link to it next week, so look for that as well. That's all. Take care, everyone. See you next time.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld 

P.S. Just found an envelope that's been sitting on my desk for a while. It was empty so I couldn't figure out why I had it or what had been in it. It's from a reader, postmarked Reno, and it probably contained a postcard and a nice note, but the return address is partially effaced ... so if your last name is ... looks like "Brenner" maybe, and you live on "-enton Trail" in Reno, now you know why I never wrote you back. Sorry. The USPS has certain mauling tendencies that make snail mail ... an adventure (it's part of the charm!)

P.P.S. it's early Sunday morning now and someone has already sent me a picture of their SOCA cassette! As someone newly into cassettes, I am fascinated / jealous!

Bro Resistance! I need to hear Bro Resistance! OMG I just found him on a compilation of kaiso music. There's your next [Caribbean music genre], constructors: KAISO! Don't say I never gave you anything. Anyway, here is the lead track on this SOCA cassette: "Afrika Is Burning" by Safi Abdullah: 

Aha, and here's that Bro Resistance track: "Ring De Bell." [The Internet, really coming through for me today!]

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