Here's a quick summary in internet-speak / MON 4-3-23 / Fictional Looney Tunes corporation / Cat also called a dwarf leopard / Football interception leading to a touchdown colloquially / Langley-based spy grp. / Beloved film character who says size matters not / Timekeeping device that doesn't work when it's cloudy / Publicist's output in the face of controversy / Charges for tipsy motorists for short

Constructor: David Distenfeld

Relative difficulty: Easy-ish

THEME: vowel progression — from SACS to SUCKS through all the other vowels:

Theme answers:

• HONEY SACS (17A: Bee storage centers) (glad I solved Downs-only and thus didn't have to read this clue—sounds like the bees are being stored, not doing the storing)
• CASUAL SEX (25A: Option in a "no strings attached" relationship)
• PICK SIX (39A: Football interception leading to a touchdown, colloquially)
• TUBE SOCKS (50A: Stockings for athletes) ("stockings"??? really????? they're not nylon, and they're not hung by the chimney with care, so ... what are you doing here?)
• "THAT SUCKS!" (62A: "Oof, sorry to hear it")

Word of the Day: TL;DR (48A: "Here's a quick summary," in internet-speak) —

TL;DR or tl;dr, short for "too long; didn't read", is internet slang to say that some text being referred to has been ignored because of its length. It is often used to refer to excessively wordy Terms and Conditions statements. It is also used to introduce a summary of an online post or news article.

The phrase dates back to at least 2002, and was added to the Oxford Dictionaries Online in 2013. (wikipedia)

• • •

We're still doing these? I can't complain too much; I did one myself ... but that was many, many years ago (Christmas Eve, 2012). I kind of figured the concept was played out by now. The concept felt pretty tired when *I* did it, frankly. But maybe the idea was that answers like CASUAL SEX and "THAT SUCKS!" are edgy enough to make the old concept worthwhile in this case. OK. Maybe. I'm not mad at the puzzle, but not thrilled either. I solved Downs-only and when I (finally) got HONEY SACS (which I needed virtually every cross to see), I thought "oof, that's an answer? SACS? Anatomical SACS? That is ... unappealing." Then when I found out that the SACS part was integral to the theme, all I could think of was "man, I'd've done anything to make that answer end in SAX or SACKS ... anything but SACS" (there's a "moist" quality to "SACS" which is to say ... there's something inherently off-putting about the word, somehow). KNAPSACKS, that's what I would've used. That, or "YAKETY SAX." At first I thought maybe the constructor was trying to make the final consonant sounds different every time, but not, there's -X, twice, and -CKS, twice, so no reason to go to the -CS there except ... I guess variety? Maybe HONEY SACS is the more appealing answer in some people's judgment. OK. It's a fine answer, a real thing, just ... I prefer SAX or SACKS is all. But overall, no strong complaints about this themer set, and I guess the SEX SIX and SUCKS answers are flashy / contemporary enough to make the theme seem worth doing. Why not?

Really helped out today, from a Downs-only perspective, by two long gimmes: POGO STICK (11D: Device for someone who's hopping mad?) and YOGI BERRA (32D: Who said "Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical). Wacky baseball quote? Think Berra first. Cardinal rule. And that POGO STICK, despite being transparent, is really wonderful—nice reimagining of a familiar phrase ("hopping mad" => "mad, i.e. crazy, about hopping"). Because those two came easy, the largish, openish NE and SW corners were a lot easier than they otherwise would've been. Usually, in a Downs-only situation, you find yourself having to hack away at longer Downs, using inferred crosses to finally make the answer come into view. But today, both long Downs when in, no crosses. Their shorter neighbors were actually the real problems. Took me a while to get EDIBLES (10D: Things to eat), and ... well, SNEAKED was a slight problem (43D: Crept), but the bigger problem was a little more toward the center of the grid: SPIN JOB (28D: Publicist's output in the face of controversy). I could see that the first word wanted to be SPIN, but I couldn't imagine what the "output" could be. I don't think I'd ever use SPIN JOB, or hear it often, though its meaning is clear enough. And the "J" cross, INPJS, yuck and uck, a prepositional phrase that has no business being a standalone answer, and, if you're solving Downs-only, is pretty much ungettable until you get that "J" (from SPIN JOB, which, as I've said, I didn't have). All other parts of the grid were fairly tractable. No hangups of more than a few seconds or so. I really should time my Downs-only Monday some time. Seems entirely possible that it might be faster than a regular Monday. I just hate the clock these days. Tick tick tick. Bah. Distracting. I like to go fast, but I don't like actually recording my time. Weird. Speaking of speeding, congrats to Dan Feyer, who won his, let's say, 73rd American Crossword Puzzle Tournament title yesterday. He's truly something else. And a very nice guy to boot.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

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