Coral island nation north of Fiji / THU 10-1-20 / Aunt despised relative of Harry Potter / French daily founded in 1826 / Lum aka actress comedian Awkwafina / Titular married lady in funny girl song / Classic checker-dropping game

Constructor: Adam Fromm

Relative difficulty: Medium? (don't know, had to slow down and fuss with rebus squares—couldn't remember the exact keystroke pattern I needed—so my time ended up in the 7s but it probably should've been in the 6s)

THEME: TOUCH TONE PHONES (37A: Products since the 1960s ... on which you can see five "key" things depicted in this puzzle) — rebus squares contain a number (for the Down answer) and the letter string associated with that number on a touch tone keypad (for the Across)

Theme answers:

• GRAB CONTROL / IN 2 (17A: Stage a coup / 3D: Bisected)
• DEFLATE / 3 DOG NIGHT (9A: Let the air out of / 9D: Band with the 1970 #1 hit "Mama Told Me (Not to Come)")
• GENGHIS / CONNECT 4 (64A: First name of a famous Mongol ruler / 38D: Classic checker-dropping game)
• FILM NOIR / 6ERS (52A: Genre of "The Big Sleep" and "Kiss Me Deadly" / 55D: Dr. J's team)
• TUVALU / 8 TRACK (46A: Coral island nation north of Fiji / 46D: Cassette tape predecessor)

Word of the Day: ARGOS (23D: City of the Peloponnese) —

Argos (/ˈɑːrɡɒs, -ɡəs/; Greek: Άργος [ˈarɣos]; Ancient Greek: Ἄργος [árɡos]) is a city in Argolis, the Peloponnese, Greece and is one of the oldest continuously inhabited cities in the world. It is the largest city in Argolis and a major center for the area.

Since the 2011 local government reform it has been part of the municipality of Argos-Mykines, of which it is a municipal unit. The municipal unit has an area of 138.138 km². It is 11 kilometres (7 miles) from Nafplion, which was its historic harbour. A settlement of great antiquity, Argos has been continuously inhabited as at least a substantial village for the past 7,000 years.^– The city is a member of the Most Ancient European Towns Network.

A resident of the city of Argos is known as an Argive (/ˈɑːrɡaɪv/ AR-ghyve, /-dʒaɪv/-⁠jyve; Greek: Ἀργεῖος). However, this term is also used to refer to those ancient Greeks generally who assaulted the city of Troy during the Trojan War; the term is more widely applied by the Homeric bards. (wikipedia)

• • •

TOUCH TONE PHONES! You know ... for the kids. I think this would've been much cooler in a Sunday-size grid with the keys roughly where they're supposed to be (the keypad is a *grid* after all). Also, a larger grid probably would've allowed for more interesting long theme answers. As is, this was a bit of a grind—a bit of effort to figure out what the hell was going on, and then just that extended minefield feeling as you move semi-carefully through the grid trying to dig up the next rebus square before it destroys you. As usual, getting started was the hard part. Got IN (TWO) easily, but then had no idea what the (TWO) was supposed to be doing in the Across, even when I had most of it. I think I actually got the DEF square first, *then* the revealer, *then* was able to fill in the ABC part of GRAB CONTROL. Because ABC and DEF appeared in succession (reading L to R across the top of the grid), I made the reasonable assumption that these rebus "buttons" were going to appear in order. But no. Almost, though, I guess. ABC DEF GHI and MNO appear in successive quadrants, but then you get that weird TUV crammed in there in this strange position; that one was by far the hardest of the keys to turn up, first because it took me a while to remember that 8 TRACKs ever existed and then because I couldn't remember the country name and sorta had to run the alphabet to figure out what letter string could go there. TUVALU sprang to mind, but for some reason felt wrong. But it wasn't. The end.

Some notes on the fill ... TWEENAGER, still not a thing. At all. You call them TWEENs if you must call them a demographic name. Literally never heard anyone use TWEENAGER, which feels like a word someone invented under the assumption that it must have predated the shortened TWEEN. Blargh. Drop it from your wordlists, it's superdumb. Also, how have you not dropped UNPC from your wordlist by now. It's such a bigoted concept. You're offensive. You want to call yourself UNPC because you imagine yourself some kind of free-speech hero, but you're just a run-of-the-mill asshole. The whole "PC" thing is a self-exonerating defensive lie. Stop. The proper names today were weirdly obscure, almost as if they were designed to make many solvers just have to infer Some kind of name from crosses. I had to do this inferring four different times. For character names (MIA, MARGE), and for some "Funny Girl" song (SADIE) (22A: Titular "married lady" in a "Funny Girl" song) and for the real name of a person not-at-all known by her real name? (NORA) (15A: ___ Lum, a.k.a. actress/comedian Awkwafina). Luckily, the crosses were easy enough to make all the names gettable, but yikes. Some hoary crosswordese in this one (NAE, ENLAI). Oh and a note on ENG(lish). The clue [Grade school subj.] is absurd, as it's also a high school subj. and a university subj., a grad school subj. Hell, I will be teaching two ENG. courses later *today*. The clue [Grade school subj.] is fine for SCI., as in grade school you haven't moved onto specific science courses yet. But for ENG. ... it's not wrong, obviously, but it's misleadingly specific. 

My favorite answer today was LE FIGARO (10D: French daily founded in 1826). The rest was workmanlike and oddly bygone in its general cultural orientation. 

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Facebook]

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Item in toxic internet challenge / SUN 5-10-20 / Theater impresario Ziegfeld / Half of ice cream brand with fake Danish name / Proboscis informally / Ancho pepper before drying / Black pie crust component / Wellsian race of future / Fruit with obovate shape / Vaper's device informally / 60s dance craze that evolved from Chicken / Classic computer game set on abandoned island

Constructor: Adam Fromm

Relative difficulty: Medium (11:37)

THEME: "Border Crossings" — two countries that abut one another (I think), and then there's some word that "crosses" (i.e. spans) the "border" between the two countries (when their names are pushed together)—it's the "border-crossing" word that is clued:

Theme answers:

• CHADLIBYA (23A: Wing it [Africa])
• LAOSCAMBODIA (28A: Complete rip-off [Asia]
• GUATEMALABELIZE (41A: Record company [Central America])
• BULGARIAGREECE (58A: What subjects and verbs must do [Europe])
• AUSTRIAGERMANY (66A: Sort by urgency of need [Europe])
• BRAZILARGENTINA (86A: T-shirt size [South America])
• MYANMARCHINA (99A: First month of the year without a U.S. federal holiday [Asia])
• CHILEPERU (108A: Biblical outcast [South America])

Word of the Day: FLORENZ Ziegfeld, Jr. (54D: Theater impresario Ziegfeld) —

Florenz Edward Ziegfeld Jr. (March 21, 1867 – July 22, 1932) was an American Broadwayimpresario, notable for his series of theatrical revues, the Ziegfeld Follies (1907–1931), inspired by the Folies Bergère of Paris. He also produced the musical Show Boat. He was known as the "glorifier of the American girl". Ziegfeld is a member of the American Theater Hall of Fame. (wikipedia)

• • •

First, the title should've been a revealer. Second, even that wouldn't have helped much, because this is dull as hell. Countries are pushed together. Random words get clued. Clued words have nothing in common. Why? The whole thing is ... I mean, it's far far far more "oh, huh" than "wow." Like, you might observe that this theme is *possible*, but ... like, why? For "leper"? Seriously, why? It felt like some very last-century wordplay. And the fill, well, that was the tell. That was how you knew the whole thing is really not up to date. There's very little of interest, and a whole lot of GUANO and TRIPE. Even the longer stuff is quaint and/or tedious. No idea what TORRES (57D: ___ Strait, separator of Australia and Papua New Guinea) or FLORENZ were, and SWORD DANCE is some ye olde quainte stuff (68D: Scottish tradition before battle). "FLEABAG" and "STICK 'EM UP!" are both fun, but that's it. Fun, over. Aside from having to endure TED f***ing CRUZ, the whole NE is a disaster, and ELOI NANA AEIOU (w/ cutesy clue!) HAAGEN AREOLA A-ONE disaster. COCOA and CACAO really shouldn't be in the same grid at all—too close, sound- and sense-wise. A proboscis is a SNOUT. A SNOOT is a conceited person. ARYA is not a winner—dipping your ladle into the "Random GOT Names" pot does not count as creative grid-building.


DAU is one of the absolute worst abbrs. I've ever seen in a grid. I had DA- and ... no idea. I take it DAU is short for "daughter." Yeah, thanks, I hate it. But I don't hate it as much as the definite-article version of THE NEA. That ... is terrible. NEA appears all the time in the grid, no problem big union, seen it, fine, next! But *THE* NEA!? You really have to earn your definite article and the NEA just does not. Not. I have that answer circled with "AWFUL" written underneath it. See, here's the thing: when your theme is a drag, all of a sudden every single flaw and weakness in your grid starts becoming more and more prominent, more and more screechy. You gotta give the people something to love. Barring a genuinely interesting theme, some winning fill, because absent both ... yikes. Also, who f***ing microwaves POPTARTs? They "pop" up ... from a toaster. What is wrong with this puzzle?


TIDE POD is the narc-iest answer (89D: Item in a toxic internet "challenge"). It reeks of "hello, fellow youths! Anyone down for some word-crossing? Radical!" It's already a stale-as-hell fad / joke / whatever it was. Also, your age is showing with that FRUG nonsense (104D: '60s dance craze that evolved from the Chicken). Make it FRET and all of a sudden you've got a more accessible and more interestingly cluable grid. Bam bam. But sure, FRUG, knock yourself out. Who doesn't love the FRUG especially when it gets you ... DOGE? I'm just BEMUSED by allll of this. I never, not once, felt "well this is fun" while solving this. By contrast, that's what I felt *most* of the time I was solving Saturday's puzzle. Themes should be better and more interesting and more surprising than a grade-schooler's magic trick or riddle. Also, the clues for the "border" words were themselves So Dull. I guess if you are reallllly into Geography (like, remedial geography) then this puzzle might be a treat. But "discovering" that AUSTRIA and GERMANY abut and also contain (together) a word only slightly more pleasant than "leper" (see 108A) ... yeah, that was not a treat for me.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Facebook]

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Daughter (and granddaughter) of Jocasta / FRI 5-17-19 / John who wrote "Appointment in Samarra" / Photographer Goldin / Mr. Microphone manufacturer

Constructor: Adam Fromm

Relative difficulty: Medium-Challenging

THEME: Themeless (?)

Word of the Day: UNGULATE (18A: Having hooves) —

Ungulates (pronounced /ˈʌŋɡjəleɪts/) are any members of a diverse group of primarily large mammals that includes odd-toed ungulates such as horses and rhinoceroses, and even-toed ungulates such as cattle, pigs, giraffes, camels, deer, and hippopotamuses. Most terrestrial ungulates use the tips of their toes, usually hoofed, to sustain their whole body weight while moving.

The term means, roughly, "being hoofed" or "hoofed animal". As a descriptive term, "ungulate" normally excludes cetaceans (whales, dolphins, porpoises), as they do not possess most of the typical morphologicalcharacteristics of ungulates, but recent discoveries indicate that they are descended from early artiodactyls.^[4]

• • •

Hello! Rachel Fabi in for Rex today.

Fridays tend to be my favorite puzzles of the week. The themelessness usually means that you can expect new and exciting entries or an interesting grid design (or both!). This particular Friday was a bit of a disappointment, for a not particularly good reason, which will be revealed AFTER the rest of the write-up.

First: the good news. Maybe an unpopular take, but I love triple stacks. When I open a puzzle and see that wide open space, the anticipation of finding out how the constructor filled it always kicks off the solve on a high note.

Not suitable for a general audience

The bad news: This triple stack is kind of dull! MAJOR LEAGUE GAME, PRIVATE PRACTICE, and GENERAL AUDIENCE are all pretty bland, and the clues are also a let down. Yes, ESPN airs MAJOR LEAGUE GAMEs in the summer. Sure, some doctors and lawyers work in PRIVATE PRACTICE. I'm not totally clear on how a GENERAL AUDIENCE is "sanctioned" by a G-rating; it's not like a GENERAL AUDIENCE needs official permission to attend, but I guess that's a plausible clue.

The dryness of the entries was not limited to the triple stack, although I enjoyed the long downs. I like JINGOISTS (as an answer, not IRL) and its clue (32D: Country superfans), and I added DEAD AGAIN to my mental Netflix queue (but not my actual one, because it's not on there. I checked.).

I ended up with a pretty average Friday time, but my solve was verrrry patchy. I particularly struggled in the Northeast, as evidenced by the "pencil" squares in the screenshot above. I may have heard the term UNGULATE before, but if I did, the brain cells that previously stored that information have long since been appropriated for other purposes, like maintaining my mental Netflix queue. I had never heard of bubble and squeak, and now that I've googled it, I can't say I'm particularly excited to try it any time soon, despite my love of SPUDs. I was also unfamiliar with the HARP SEAL, but I am so glad I know what they are now, because:

!!!

My lack of jazz knowledge really slowed me down on this solve. I had no idea that TRANE was a nickname for John ColTRANE, and I am unfamiliar with Jimmy Dorsey's SO RARE. Fortunately, the clue on that one (25D: Jimmy Dorsey standard with the line "You're like the fragrance of blossoms fair") hinted that the answer rhymed with "fair," so I got there eventually. I know this wasn't a universal experience, and that more cultured solvers probably flew through these clues without pause, but jazz is just not my thing.


Overall, this was a decent but kind of boring Friday puzzle that was not my speed. Thanks to Rex for letting me review at you! See you next time.

Bullets:

• OHARA (45D: John who wrote "Appointment in Samarra") — I loved this for two reasons: (1) I'm happy to see OHARA clued as something other than Scarlett, and (2) This story featured heavily in an excellent episode of Sherlock, which I love. I didn't know the author of the story, and I'm glad to have learned it!
• MCC (35D: Three CDs?) — If you must use Roman numerals, this is the way to do it! It took me some longggg seconds to work out that CD = 400 so Three CDs = 1200 = MCC. Into it.

Signed, Rachel Fabi, Queen-for-a-Day of CrossWorld

[Follow Rachel Fabi on Twitter]



Oh you thought the write up was over? SO DID I. And then I saw that I had twitter notifications from Rex, and now we all have to keep going, because:

LOL this bad puzzle is bad at least in part because IT HAS A THEME good luck finding it. My god themed Fridays are the worst. #Friday #NYTXW

— Rex Parker🏹🏹🏹 (@rexparker) May 17, 2019

Ok, so, for those of you sticking around for the coda: I wrote that entire write up ^^^ twice. Because when I went to edit it to include some points about the FRIGGING MINI-THEME, my entire post was deleted. It's been a long night, and it made me EVEN CRANKIER about the "mini theme" than I otherwise would have been.

So. The triple stack has military ranks in it. MAJOR, PRIVATE, GENERAL. The end.

Theme answers:

• MAJOR LEAGUE GAME (30A: Summer broadcast for ESPN)
• PRIVATE PRACTICE (37A: What many doctors and lawyers work in)
• GENERAL AUDIENCE (38A: It's sanctioned by a "G")

Signed (again), Rachel Fabi, Queen-for-a-Day-and-an-extra-hour of CrossWorld

[Follow Rachel Fabi on Twitter ]

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Facebook]

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Blobbish Li'l Abner creature / SUN 3-10-19 / R&B group with 1991 #1 hit I Like Way / 1993 Sant-N-Pepa hit whose title is nonsense word / Actor Gillen of Game of Thrones / Nutcracker protagonist / New York's longest parkway with "the" / Spanish speaking Muppet on Sesame Street / Founder of Egypt's 19th dynasty

Constructor: Adam Fromm

Relative difficulty: Medium-Challenging (11:45)

THEME: "Math Hysteria" — equations somehow represent the answers

Theme answers:

• 22A: L x A (LOS ANGELES TIMES)
• 39A: x - y = x - y (SAME DIFFERENCE)
• 47A: (A- or B+)/7 (SEVENTH GRADE)
• 67A: The "x" in x^2 = 666 (ROOT OF ALL EVIL)
• 86A: $$$/X (CASH DIVIDEND)
• 95A: 3.BB (THREE-POINT SHOT)
• 116A: X^Esq (POWER OF ATTORNEY)

Word of the Day: NIKI Caro (80A: Director Caro) —

Nikola Jean "Niki" Caro MNZM (born 1967) is a New Zealand film director and screenwriter. Her 2002 film Whale Rider was critically praised and won a number of awards at international film festivals. She is the second female director hired by Disney to direct a film which is budgeted at over $100 million, when helming a live-action version of Disney's Mulan. (wikipedia)

• • •

Not into it at all. From the title to the themers to the fill (which is shockingly dated and weak), this one is so caught up in its own imagined cleverness that it never really becomes an enjoyable *puzzle*. L x A = LOS ANGELES TIMES? How? LOS TIMES ANGELES, maybe, but if you're gonna go all "math hysteria" on me, your equations better be on point, not merely adjacent to point. x - y = x - y = SAME DIFFERENCE? Anything = Anything = SAME ANYTHING. Why do I care? The "x" in x^2 = 666 is the *SQUARE* ROOT OF ALL EVIL, isn't it? Sorry if I'm not up on my mathematical annotation, which I haven't thought about in three decades. Gotta love a theme that requires explanation. And why is "hysteria" in the title, by the way?* What is "hysterical" about this? "Hyster-" means "uterus," which is ironic given how much this is a boy puzzle for boys. POETESS??? And you don't even mark it as "dated" or "quaint" or "bygone" or "gendered" or anything? Sappho was a poet. Full stop. And "AH, SO"!?!?!? How is this answer not dead and buried for all eternity. It will never not evoke American parody of Japanese speech. Kill it. Now. Ditch it. It's also terrible fill, so ditch it for that reason alone.


And then ELA HIFIVE VARIG ... the fill in this one is too often stale and weak. When you're hitting the *erstwhile* Brazilian national airlines, you know you've got a problem. An addiction to archaic fill. Plural ELMOS? AT STORES? (not IN?). OPA? SCALER? ECOL? STATOR? DERALTE? URANIC??? OME!?! I'm at a loss. There's almost no good fill in this one. RAMMER? Come on. Why is PENH ... just why? Why is it? Why not PENT? Is "stop" somewhere else in the grid? How in the world do you decide to go with a foreign name *part* over a normal word? There are so so so many ways to ditch 1. plural name ALIS, and 2. crosswordese INGE, and 3. foreign name *part* PENH. Here's just one. Simple. Took me very little time:

Now I haven't checked to see if this version duplicates answers (or answer parts) somewhere else in the grid, but the point is that you can scare up another version, just as clean, with very little effort. Which leads to the question: Is anyone actually Editing these? For cleanness, I mean? I get that the Theme is the Thing, but the Rest of the Puzzle should not be a Drag.


New puzzle alert! Well, not new, but newly available online: Matt Gaffney's New York magazine crossword puzzle is now available for your solving pleasure. Here's the promo copy: "The New York Crossword is finally online, appearing each Sunday night at nymag.com/crossword. Matt Gaffney’s current puzzle will alternate weeks with selections from the archives." Matt is a prolific and meticulous constructor, so this is very good news. Also, if you aren't a subscriber to Matt Gaffney's Weekly Crossword Contest (a weekly meta-crossword of varying degrees of difficulty), you are very much missing out on the fun (and occasional self-loathing). Read about recent puzzles here / Subscribe here.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

*apparently the title is a pun on "mass hysteria," which, you know, doesn't really work, 'cause if you had that lisp you'd say "math hythteria," but OK

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2002 documentary with don't try this at home contents / SAT 4-22-17 / Hit 1959 Broadway play starring Sidney Poitier / Singer with recurring role in General Hospital / Historic conflict in around yellow sea / logo based on Pennsylvania Dutch hex sign / Achivements in large scale topiary

Constructor: Adam Fromm

Relative difficulty: Very easy (faster than yesterday's, close to a Saturday record)

THEME: none 

Word of the Day: ILEA (5D: Guts, in part) —

noun

Anatomy

noun: ileum; plural noun: ilea

1. the third portion of the small intestine, between the jejunum and the cecum. (google)

• • •

I think I went sub-5 minutes once on a Saturday. I might've dreamt it, but it really feels like it happened. Anyway, today was 5:20, and I am very methodical and non-racey on Fri and Sat, so, yeah, this one was off-the-charts easy. Just giving away answers like they were party favors. Threw "JACKASS: THE MOVIE" across with just a few letters up front. Threw RICK SPRINGFIELD down with just a few letters up front. Started with a 1-Across gimme (1-Across is often a harbinger ...). Giving me Scottish island clues right out the gate is the equivalent of leaving your mediocre fastball out over the plate. I will crush it. I hit this one 456 ft. The exit velocity was 115.7 mph. I have been watching a lot of baseball.


AXILLA, ELLIE, SAYER—all gimmes. "ROXANNE"? Silver-platter, room-service gimme. I even got "A RAISIN IN THE SUN" from just the last four letters, and that was *with* a wrong letter in place (I thought they were YERTS—you know, like for TERT...leS?). It was like the puzzle wouldn't allow me any space to screw up. I did have a moment of blanking when I had the ends of *all* the long Acrosses in the SE corner, but couldn't figure out any of them. I don't know why "Jezebel" is in quotation marks in 58A: "Jezebel" costume (RED DRESS). Is that a ... show? Movie? Musical? Huh. A 1938 Bette Davis movie. And people know that? I watch TCM religiously—guess I just haven't gotten to that one yet. Anyway, "A RAISIN IN THE SUN" helped me nail down the SE. No other problems. I had some trouble making sense of 20D: Any I, e.g.: Abbr. (HWY), but crosses helped me out. I liked this puzzle fine, but a Saturday's gotta put up more fight. I had more trouble with yesterday's Easyish Friday.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Facebook]

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Funeral song in Scotland / SUN 1-22-12 / Hero who debuted in Weird Tales 1932 / Villains in 1939's Stagecoach / Hallmark of Philadelphia sound / Duo with 2003 hit All Things She Said / Switched On Bach instrument

Constructor: Adam Fromm

Relative difficulty: Easy-Medium

THEME: "Snow White's Employment Agency" — all clues follow [Bad job for [dwarf name]?] pattern.

Word of the Day: CORONACH (52D: Funeral song in Scotland) —

A coronach (also written coranich, corrinoch, coranach, cronach, etc.) is the Scottish Gaelic equivalent of the Goll,being the third part of a round of keening, the traditional improvised singing at a death, wake or funeral in the Highlands of Scotland and in Ireland. Though observers have reported hearing such songs in Ireland or in the Scottish Highlands, and melodies have been noted down and printed since the 18th century, audio recordings are rare; not only was the practice dying out or being supressed through the 19th century, but it was also considered by its practicioners to have been a very personal and spiritual practice, not suitable for performance or recording. (wikipedia)

• • •

Good idea. Very cute. Dopey's bad job was super-arbitrary (ALGEBRA TEACHER) and Doc's wasn't really a job at all (VILLAGE IDIOT), but other than that, the answers were pretty close to spot-on. Grid was easy to move through, though the west felt disproportionately tough—in part, perhaps, because of the arbitrariness of the Dopey answer (i.e. could've been *anything* TEACHER). My lanterns at the start of evening were UNLIT (duh), not RELIT. My experience with MINIMs is in the realm of medieval manuscripts, so this MINIM didn't leap immediately to mind (38D: Half note), and SOCIABLE (49D: Convivial) ... well, I didn't have the "B," so even with SOCIA- I didn't get anywhere at first (SOCIAL didn't fit, SOCIALLY was the wrong part of speech). A word about TATU (64D: Duo with the 2003 hit "All the Things She Said")—that word is 'ugh.' They were never big here. Two girls have a top 20 hit one year, kiss on TV, like, once, and now they're an acceptable crossword answer? No. Yes, 4-letter "U"-ending words are in short supply and Very Very necessary to constructors, but No. Banish. (I'm surprised to see this answer only once in the cruciverb database, and then only as a var. of TATTOO—I could've sworn I'd seen this "band" in puzzles before. Let's just make sure it never happens again).


Theme answers:

• Bad occupation for Happy? (GOTH MUSICIAN)
• Bad occupation for Sleepy? (NIGHT WATCHMAN)
• Bad occupation for Sneezy? (FLORAL ARRANGER)
• Bad occupation for Grumpy? (MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER)
• Bad occupation for Dopey? (ALGEBRA TEACHER)
• Bad occupation for Doc? (VILLAGE IDIOT)
• Bad occupation for Bashful? (TV PERSONALITY)   

Tripped hard on CORONACH, a word I've never seen ever. That "H" was a total guess, though seemed like the most plausible letter, however improbably it might be that any novel would end with the word "THE" (86A: Last word of "Finnegans Wake"). Other "never heard of it" words include VOLAR (98D: Relating to the palm of the hand) (because the palms are what you fly with?), and CANEM (4D: Cave ___) (Latin for "Beware the dog" [!?]). Put in BIGWIGS when what was called for was (the much worse) BIGGIES (115A: Honchos). Got stumped by both "market" clues—didn't know "Best" was a verb in 84A: Best in the market (OUTSELL), and thought the [One going to market] was a person of some kind, not the PRODUCT itself. I would not have known how to spell ALAKAZAM (46D: "Voilà!"). It's about the most exciting thing in the grid.

Bullets:

• 32A: Hero who debuted in Weird Tales magazine in 1932 (CONAN) — I used to read this comic and it still took me forever to figure out which hero was intended. I think I know too many pulp heroes. 
• 44A: Villains in 1939's "Stagecoach" (APACHES) — A John Ford film I have never seen. I should fix that.
• 105A: Hippocampus hippocampus, e.g. (SEAHORSE) — pfft, no way. I mean, in retrospect, yes, "hippo" means "horse," I know that much, but the hippocampus is a part of your brain, right? Needed many a cross to pick this one up.
• 25A: Group with the 1995 #1 hit "Waterfalls" (TLC) — hard to remember now, but for a few years in the '90s, they were Huge. I remember seeing their TV debut on "Arsenio" and thinking "What The...?"

• 82D: "Switched-On Bach" instrument (MOOG) — clueless once again, but a four-letter "instrument" starting with "M" can't be many things, and the "Switched-On" clue helped me get this one right.
• 96D: Hallmark of the Philadelphia sound (HORNS) — some great acts were part of this "sound," particularly Melvin & the Blue Notes. Here's some O'Jays for you.

• 99D: Apple software bundle that includes GarageBand (iLIFE) — well it's i-something, right? I'm a Mac owner, so this wasn't tough. 
• 104D: "The Gondoliers" bride (TESSA) — if I knew anything at all about "The Gondoliers," this would be the time when I would tell you. 

A million thanks to everyone who made a financial contribution to this blog over the past week. It means more to me than I can say.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

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Blond Monkee / SUN 3-21-10 / S-s-s-subject of 1918 hit song / Piscivorous flier / Funnywoman Sedaris / Gold-certified debut album Debbie Harry

Constructor: Adam Fromm

Relative difficulty: Medium

THEME: "Them's the Breaks" — two-word phrases where the second word starts with "S" are reimagined as two-word phrases where the first letter *ends* with that same "S" — that is, the "S" transfers from the beginning of the second to the end of the first word


Word of the Day: "KOOKOO" (55D: Gold-certified debut album of Debbie Harry) —

Koo Koo is the title of the debut solo album by Debbie Harry, released in August 1981 while Harry was still a member of the group Blondie. // Produced by Nile Rodgers and Bernard Edwards of the 70's disco group Chic, it reached #6 in the UK and stayed in the charts for seven weeks, being certified "Silver" by the BPI. The album reached #28 in the US. // For the promotion of Koo Koo there were plans by Harry's record company, Chrysalis Records, to display large posters of the album cover created by Swiss artist H.R. Giger in various stations of the London Underground, but officials deemed the image of Harry's face with metal skewers going through her head too disturbing. In Japan the "Backfired" single was issued with an entirely different picture sleeve, showing a glamorous and most importantly non-provocative Debbie Harry looking more like her established Blondie persona.

• • •

Felt easy enough, but I kept getting held up, or stalled, over and over, for some good, but mostly bad, reasons. Actually, I'm somewhat proud of not coming up with, say, GROIN right away (52D: Common place for a pull). That's a word I'd be happy never to hear again my life. Like UVULA or CANTAB or ALIENEE. But not picking up YOPLAIT (87A: International food company based on Paris) or WONKY (68D: Knowledgeable on arcane details of a subject) for a good while just made me feel stupid. Both seem obvious in retrospect. In the end, my time was slightly above normal, with the WOOLSEY / OCTILE section in the east being about the last thing to fall. Did I enjoy it? I guess so. The theme is something I'm nearly certain I've seen before — an old wordplay trick. Nothing flashy. But adequate. Fine. My favorite part of the grid may be the part that involved two names I just didn't know — the KOOKOOTORK section near the grid's center. That's a great confluence of names, as together they suggest some exotic out-of-the-way place where one might get lost and never be heard from again. Someplace in Australia, maybe. Or Wisconsin. At any rate, I got to learn about a very minor Debbie Harry album. I also learned that TORK is a last name (82A: The blond Monkee). I was thinking it was a first. Like MORK. I really wish it were a first name. I might name the next thing I'm charged with naming "TORK." Peter TORK is almost exactly one year younger than my dad.

Had my only Real trouble getting into the E and NE. My first pass at the NE was Fail, except for TIRE IRON (25A: Lever in a trunk) and SEN and API-. Had the APE but couldn't come up with the HOUSE (22A: Zoo home for gibbons). Never heard of ASO (17D: Japanese volcano) (though I know a little bit about MT. APO and briefly considered it). Abandoned ship and didn't come back til the very end, when I tried to approach from just underneath but was blocked by Three Stubborn Acrosses:

• 56A: Not easily stirred (STOLID) — had the "STO-" and wanted only "STOIC..." "STOICAL..." Gah!
• 64A: Bulwark (SHIELD) — I think of a "bulwark" as something that supports or buttresses rather than SHIELDs.
• 68A: James who was C.I.A. director under Clinton (WOOLSEY) — the weird thing here was that his name popped into my head right away (with help from pre-existing "WOO-"). But I was not sure how I "knew" him, so was reluctant to put him in.

Once I acceded to WOOLSEY, things started to come together. Worked my way back up in the NE. I think the "S" in ASO might have been my last letter. Staying up there for a second, I don't really like the phrasing on 13D: Brainiac's put-down (NERD). Sounds like you're asking for a put-down that a "brainiac" would utter, not be the object of. Boo to trick cluing. Boo also to horrible trick at 114D: Only man to win both a Nobel Prize and an Oscar (SHAW). You know that everyone's going to want to GORE here, so this is an obvious intentional trap. Irksome. For the record, though GORE accepted the Oscar for "An Inconvenient Truth" (if I remember correctly — and thanks to youtube, I don't have to rely on my memory alone), he was not, technically, the recipient.

Theme answers:

• 23A: Goes from walk to trot and trot to gallop? (DOUBLES PACES)
  
• 38A: Teaches a ceramics class? (TRAINS POTTERS)

• 69A: Monitors food orders to go? (POLICES TAKE-OUTS)
  
• 100A: Illuminates a Halloween display? (LIGHTS WITCHES) — Salem angle a little too gruesome?
  
• 122A: Puts hats on display? (SHOWS TOPPERS)
  
• 16D: Prepares to play Scrabble? (TURNS TILES)
  
• 38D: Closely follows secret banking information? (TAILS PINS)
  
• 57D: Makes drugs easier to swallow? (OILS PILLS)
  
• 74D: Manages to grab some bullfight attire? (LANDS CAPES)
  

There a couple of aesthetic issues here. I'm not thrilled about having PESETAs (126A: Pre-euro coin) and PESOS (35A: Change south of the border) in the grid together, despite their being the currencies of totally different countries. They feel related. Plus, really, there should be some kind of foreign currency limit in puzzles. Worse, however, is the inclusion of both OCTET (70D: Maids a-milking in a Christmas song, e.g.) and OCTILE (36D: 45-degree wedge). I mean ... that's truly horrible. You should have torn up one of those sections and rebooted rather than subject us to a piece of crosswordese *and* his gangly, awkward cousin. While I may have said this before, it's worth repeating: I once worked with a constructor who insisted on removing either IDEAL or IDÉE from a grid because they were etymologically related. Needless to say, said constructor would have sooner choked then have the far more obvious double-up of OCTET / OCTILE in his/her grid.

Bullets:

• 31A: S-s-s-subject of a 1918 hit song ("KATY") — The "S"s were making me want SADY. Also, I was confusing "KATY" with the "DAISY" in this song:

• 58A: Carrier whose name means "skyward" (EL AL) — another in a long list of EL AL clues.
  
• 59A: Frist's successor as Senate majority leader (REID) — *Current* majority leader, though who knows for how long.
  
• 72A: Piscivorous flier (PELICAN) — just mean "fish-eating." Word fits A HEAP of birds.
  
• 97A: "The Five Orange Pips" sleuth (HOLMES) — turns out POIROT fits here.
  
• 108A: Group defeated in '65 (CSA) — had "-SA" and thought "we lost something in '65? But ... Vietnam didn't officially end for another decade."
  
• 119A: Ingredient in furniture polishes (JAPAN WAX) — so the WAX is an ingredient but not the "polish" itself?
  
• 24D: "The Open Window" writer (SAKI) — dude, give it a rest. You're about as welcome as OLAN at this point. Speaking of my elusive darling, I think I've found OLAN's twin sister — AYLA (45D: "The Clan of the Cave Bear" heroine). Yet another literary woman with a stupid four-letter name I couldn't remember if whiskey depended on it.
  
• 40A: Funnywoman Sedaris (AMY) — love her! Second-favorite "AMY," right after my sister. Anyone willing to make herself *this* unappealing for comedy has my undying respect. From "Strangers with Candy":
  

• 61D: Nickname for Bjorn Borg (ICEMAN) — I must have heard this before, because it was my first and only guess, but I had no idea why I "knew" it. Like the members of ABBA, Borg is a SWEDE.

• 62D: Big production company in 1950s-'60s TV (DESILU) — weirdly I wanted DEL ... what was the name of that TV station that's now defunct. De-something. DELMAR. DE... aha, DUMONT! That's what I wanted. That dissolved in '56.
  
• 66D: Hair care brand since 1931 (CLAIROL) — vintage ad ... somewhere ... yes, this'll do:

• 95D: Michael Jackson film, with "The" ("WIZ") — this soundtrack was a staple of my youth. It's pretty damned good, actually.

• 99D: Mexican state south of Veracruz (OAXACA) — only one way I guessed this with no crosses: TAZA Chocolate (Somerville, MA). They make chocolate using traditional Oaxacan methods, which involves, among other things, stone-grinding the beans. It's some of the most delicious stuff I've ever tasted ever ever. Ever. Go here and see. (Full disclosure: Taza Chocolate follows me on Twitter and this is a shameless attempt to get them to send me free chocolate, which only proves the sincerity of my endorsement — I love the stuff enough to be this shameless)
  
• 108D: Skeevy sort (CREEP) — Also Radiohead's first big hit.

And now your Tweets of the Week — puzzle chatter from the Twitterverse...

• @lights Maybe it's just me, but no matter what my night was like, I always do a crossword or two before I fall asleep.

• @dawndoth I have no idea what to do at work so I'm going to drink my coffee, do my crossword & stay out of the way until I can help.. but get paid.
• @plannerben Dragged the xword to NJ for dismemberment #njparkinglot
• @sveta85 Bitch is doin crossword puzzles while driving I REPEAT bitch is doin crossword puzzles and almost crashed into me...UGH!!
• @VssrSuprnatural There is a woman at the airport with Crazy Eyes (also I think my mom sends will shortz hate mail)
• @djscratch Turn your cell & computer off once a week & stimulate your brain by doing crossword puzzles. It sharpens your mind.

• @Superfluously I haven't flipped through all the pages yet, but I'm starting to think this Hustler doesn't have a crossword.
• @BrianneH Not finishing a people mag crossword is an all time low. I've let myself down. #shamespiralbeginsnow
• @TheFagCasanova A woman just came over to borrow a lighter, noticed that I'd scrawled 'Hairy Cock Balls' over my crossword, shook her head and walked away.
• @jamesmthomson can't go back to sleep. Adrenalin going from falling out of bed-which scared cat & wife-due to strange dream about a crossword & my mom.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

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WEDNESDAY, Jun. 18, 2008 - Adam Fromm (LA GIOCONDA, FAMILIARLY)

Relative difficulty: Easy-Medium

THEME: add L to make adverbs ...

I am not a fan of this theme at all. That is about all I have to say about that. The phrases that result from the added "L" can't stand alone. Noun feels completely disconnected from the adverb that follows. I just don't get it. I mean, I get it, but ... seems like a "theme" for a much less reputable puzzle. And I say this as someone who would love to see THOMAS HARDY in the puzzle much more often, in general:

Theme answers:

• 24A: Appetizer, entree or dessert? (dinner, partly)
• 38A: Bonbon and how it should be divvied up? (sugar plum, fairly)
• 51A: Doubting apostle? Not by a long shot! (Thomas? Hardly)

The non-theme fill is often fabulous, however, so the day was not a total loss. Not by a long shot! I have no idea who BOB AND RAY are (4D: Old spoofing duo) - I thought maybe the "Car Talk" guys, but no. They make a nice long answer, whoever they are, as does FISH SOUP (I had fish STEW - 41D: Bouillabaisse). I have smiley faces and / or "hee hee"s written next to the clues for WELK (18A: Lawrence of the North Dakota Hall of Fame), VELMA (7D: The nerdier of the "Scooby-Doo" girls), and MACARENA (22A: Dance craze of the mid-'90s). Initial thoughts about these clues, in order, were: "Lawrence WELK played football?" "I guess 'nerdier' is nicer than 'homelier'" and "The mid-90s were like a horrible nightmare, a cultural cesspool ... not sure why I think this decade's any better, but I do."

Biggest trouble came in the NW, where I did not know MINIM at all (9A: 1/60 of a fluid dram) - to me, a MINIM is a particular kind of stroke a scribe makes in a medieval manuscript. Even after I guessed MINIM, MONA LISA (9D: La Gioconda, familiarly) remained invisible to me; the letters I had made me want to guess MONALITH here for a few seconds. Then I remembered how to spell MONOLITH. I didn't know this TONY fellow (63A: "West Side Story" fellow), nor did I know the Disneyesque nickname of TONGA (51D: Archipelago known as the Friendly Islands). Other than that, a pretty easy puzzle.

Salmagundi!

• 1A: "Ishtar" or "Heaven's Gate," famously (bomb) - Horrible feeling to get something this easy and blow it. I instantly (and accurately) wrote in FLOP.
• 26A: Reuben server (deli) - why this clue was so thorny for me, I don't know. I was imagining a waiter or a serving dish of some kind ...
• 64A: Popular block game requiring nimble fingers (Jenga!) - It's fun to shout for no reason. Like "Yahtzee!"
• 65A: Caesar's almost last words ("Et tu") - I just did a very awesome drawing of Caesar uttering these almost last words, but it's part of a book project and so you'll have to wait to see it. Actually, as I am a comically terrible artist, the drawing will never be in any book. So what the hell - here's a set of three notecards I constructed to help me organize my thoughts about crossword words:

• 10D: White key, informally (ivory) - at one time, this could have been clued [White key, actually], right?
• 28D: Picador's opponent (toro) - today was a good day for you if you love picadors: 57D: Cheers for picadores (oles)
• 29D: Traveler's alternative to De Gaulle (Orly) - most important non-US airport in CrossWorld
• 30D: 2001 Oscar nominee for Best Original Song, "May It Be" (Enya) - she's everywhere you want to be, sadly. Make her stop!
• 47D: Big bird of myth (Roc) - I'm trying to imagine Big Bird flying down and carrying off Sinbad in his talons.
• 33D: S-curve (ogee) - wow, the OGEEs I've seen don't look like esses. They look like this:

But I appear to be conflating OGEE with OGEE arch (two OGEE shapes that meet in a peak in the middle). Interesting.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

PS Hey, I'm in "MUG - Manhattan User's Guide" today. I don't know what that is, but it sounds good. Thanks to Ellen R. for notifying me about it.

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