THURSDAY, Aug. 21, 2008 - Gary J. Whitehead (IOWA COUNTY NAMED FOR AN INDIAN TRIBE / INTOXICATING POLYNESIAN DRINK / BULLDOGGER'S EVENT)

Relative difficulty: Medium

THEME: AGE-LESS (68A: Eternal ... and a hint to 19-, 34-, 42- and 55-Across) - familiar phrases have the letter string "AGE" removed to create wacky phrases, which are clued (wackily)

Had to wrestle with this one a bit, but I eventually brought it down (to use a ... RODEO metaphor? (21A: Bulldogger's event)). I was frustrated enough at one point to Google mid-solve to see if something was right, which it was. SAC County (38A: Iowa county named for an Indian tribe)? Really? Why would anyone in the world outside Iowa have heard of that? Why wouldn't you go with SACramento or SAC fly or even the disgusting [anatomical pouch]? Especially when you've got yet another "Indian tribe" right on top of SAC (33A: Mountain West Conference player - UTE). That western section is as ungainly a section as I've seen in a while. Not only do I have to visit northern New Jersey (26D: Northernmost county in New Jersey), I have to endure RECOIN!?!?! (28D: Bring back, as silver dollars) - that hurts. Four geography clues are crammed into that little section, and they're all mildly to wildly insane. Well, SSRS is standard, but it's clued as a singular, which is annoying. And XENIA (49A: City near Dayton)? There's just a lot of reaching - answers that look interesting in the grid, but that are either wretchedly clued or not really crossworthy. I haven't even mentioned the newly ubiquitous non-Wiesel ELIE (46A: Designer Saab), who is super-crosswordesey. In summation, this section is terrible.

The rest was OK, though. Cute-ish theme. Average level of crappy common fill. Well, maybe slightly above average (letter strings, partials, UMA, ASP, ASST, UTE, ARID, ECO, ARE SO, ATE, STS, IRE ... AH ME indeed). I don't think the theme pops well enough to justify the merely adequate fill. SPORTS COVER? That does nothing. GARB DISPOSAL is the only theme answer with any life in it. Where's, I don't know, MESS IN A BOTTLE?

So, in second summation: meh.

Theme answers:

• 19A: Musical group that stays together? (adhesive band)
• 34A: Faith healing service? (mass therapy)
• 42A: Stadium's dome (sports cover)
• 55A: Donation to the Salvation Army? (garb disposal)

I wanted to talk about Baltimore today, since I just got back (it's a great city, from what I could tell), but I got massively side-tracked by a terrible article about crossword puzzles over at Slate. I told the editor lady (a very nice woman) who asked me to publicize it that I would not, but I'm changing my mind. Here it is.

I'm not going to say anything about it. Well, OK, two things:

1. Some of the comments in response to the article are priceless (Paula Gamache's is among the kinder, and smarter, comments)
2. The big question about the article is: Where am I? (a question I often ask myself when reading articles on any number of subjects). In all seriousness, if the author had read this or this (both in the sidebar under "Important Posts"), at least a couple of his working premises would have crumbled before he'd even begun.

Ignorance + bad writing + someone besides me getting paid for it = angry Rex.

[late addendum: 4-time ACPT champ Tyler Hinman has written a point-by-point evisceration of the Slate article. See it here]

Back to the puzzle:

• 1A: Capital on Lake Victoria (Kampala) - I had CAMPALA (based on what I thought was the correct spelling of CAVA: 1D: Intoxicating Polynesian drink => KAVA), but somehow it didn't look sufficiently ... Ugandan? Seth G is the resident authority on Uganda, and he took this phote in CAMPALA; coincidentally, it has double relevance for today's puzzle ...

• 22A: Herd : buffalo :: knot : TOADS - no idea. None, I didn't even know TOADS were inclined to hang out in groups - certainly not the way buffalo do. Did.
• 29A: Cryptanalysis org. (NSA) - had ASA back when I thought EONS (20D: Stretches of history) was ERAS
• 61A: 1960s sitcom title role (Jeannie) - Barbara Eden was definitely hot, though as JEANNIE she didn't do much for me. Even as a young boy, something struck me as awfully wrong, if not completely f'd up, about the whole "master" business. No offense to Larry Hagman, who is TV legend.
• 4D: Conseco Field House team (Pacers) - weird that a basketball team plays in a "Field" house. Seems wrong. Camden Yards is a lovely, if strangely generic, ballpark. I mean, all the brick is cool, but when you're inside, you generally get the feeling of anywhere USA. Very little Baltimorish or Oriolistic about it all. The 30,000+ Red Sox fans may have had something to do with that. One of those fans - constructor and fellow blogger Pete Mitchell, whom I accosted after the game, in a sea of people, after watching him for several minutes trying to convince myself that the very tall, familiar boy-faced dude was in fact the guy I'd met and talked to at the last ACPT. Pete blogs the NYSun puzzle, and I really should add his blog to my sidebar. . . it's called "Sun Blocks."
  
• 11D: It's hot in an Indian restaurant (tandoor) - the oven in which TANDOORI chicken is made. Didn't have Indian food in Baltimore, but can recommend, without reservation, the following places:

1. Max's Taproom (Fell's Point) - we spent hours sampling beers and relaxing and eating very good, simple beer-worthy food - mussels, burgers, even hummus. I loved this place. It came highly recommended and didn't disappoint. I recommend the Dupont Forêt - pretentious name, but a damned good beer for a steamy hot day. And it's organic!
2. Jimmy's (Fell's Point) - if you look under "diner" in the dictionary, this is what you will see - or should see. French toast, 2 eggs over hard, home fries, coffee - all of it Exactly Right. They know how to get the potatoes crispy on the outside and soft on the inside; same with the French toast. Why doesn't this place exist where I live????
3. Pitango Gelato (also Fell's Point) - the Spicy Chocolate is astonishing. If you want to cut the spice a little, try the cinnamon as a complementary flavor. Just brilliant. And, again, organic. Good cappuccinos as well.

• 23D: How "Moon River" is played (adagio) - just a guess; the music clue that really screwed me up was 48D: Beethoven's _____ Symphony )(Choral) - I had the "C" and went for "C MINOR"; brilliant!
• 27D: Chase scenes, in action films (staple) - looks plural, comes out singular, unlike SSRS, which looks singular (26A: Part of Easter Europe, once: Abbr.) but comes out plural. STAPLE is nicely clued.
• 59D: _____ Building, first skyscraper in Boston (Ames) - there are a remarkable number of viable AMES clues. People, places, buildings ... sadly, unless it's in Iowa, then the AMES in question rarely comes quickly to mind.
• 61D: Boxer's setup (jab) - I think a JAB can do more than simply set up the cross or uppercut or big punch, but yes, I guess it is generally thought of as a "setup" punch.

And I'm out. See you tomorrow.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

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Wednesday, Aug. 20, 2008 - Allan E. Parrish (CAPOTE WEARERS)

Relative difficulty: Medium

Theme: Jack-of-all trades

17A: LIFTING TOOL
59A: PLAYING CARD
11D: MALE DONKEY
28D: PLUG INSERT
29D: MONEY

All definitions of 55D: JACK

Hi! Andrea Carla Michaels and PuzzleGirl again, as Rex escaped a couple of nights ago through the backdoor and he hasn’t come home yet. We’re sick with worry and have put up posters around the neighborhood, but as my therapist always says, “Imagine the Best Case Scenario. Just as likely as the worst case, but this way you won’t expend all this negative emotional energy.”

I love my therapist … and I’m going to need her after two days of blogging. Instead of “What Would Jesus Do?” I always think “What Would Nanette Say?” I should have followed the advice from her new bestseller “My Answer is No … If That’s OK with You” and said no to blogging again, because this is going to be way harder than yesterday!

I guess it’s a typical Wednesday, took me three minutes longer than yesterday, but lots more mistakes initially. This puzzle could have been called “You Don’t Know Jack.” Even tho I was filling in answers left and right, I didn’t really feel I KNEW the answers … the puzzle made me feel like a phony, a pseudo-intellectual.

Here are all the things I didn’t know know (sic) but “got” anyway:

• 11A: “Next” network (MTV). I think it might be a dating show? I don’t have cable, but sort of know who Tila Tequila is. Hmmm, on second thought, I’m not even sure that’s her name.
  

• Clueless what a BRIAR pipe is (14A: Pipe type), I originally lightly wrote in BREAK, not that I know what a BREAK Pipe is either … for all I know it could be another kind of Jack!
  

• 20A: Prefix with -cardial (EPI). Here in San Francisco, I prefer my EPI clues to be connected to EPICENTER.
  

• 24A: Rapper Kanye WEST I know from his rants on award shows, but not his actual music. (PuzzleGirl, can you help a sista out here?) [Note from PuzzleGirl: Sorry, but I haven't paid much attention to rap since Run-DMC days! Here's a picture though.]
  

• 29A: Capote wearers (MATADORS). The only Capote I know from is Truman. I’d look up what part of a matador’s outfit this is, but I am so morally, physically, emotionally against bullfighting, I refuse to even learn. I think the “spectators” for those animal cruelty sports should have THEIR ears cut off! Olé Olé indeed!
  

• 32A: Munch Museum’s home (OSLO). I think I only learned this when they had those robberies recently. I had “The Scream” hanging in my college dorm room, as I am assuming half of the class of ’80 did … Along with the Matisse print of hands drawing hands (or was that Escher?) and I think a copy of Picasso’s “Guernica.” (My poster of Raquel Welch in “One Million Years B.C.” must have gotten lost by the Minneapolis movers en route to Boston!)
  

• 35A: Marshal under Napoleon (NEY). Again I got thru the crosses … being totally ignorant of things Napoleon except for one famous palindrome … I’m not even going to put up a picture of the pastry! Although I did google NEY post-solve so I wouldn’t put something wrong in the blog and saw he is buried in Pere LaChaise in Paris, which I once spent an uncomfortable afternoon in looking for a place to throw up. Long story, but suffice to say there are no discreet places to throw up in Pere LaChaise. You would think at least by Jim Morrison’s gravesite, but, alas, no.
  

• 51A: ___ Gailey of “Miracle on 34th Street” (FRED). I toyed with BRAD. I’ve never seen it. Ok, so shoot me, I’m Jewish and am not big on Christmas movies. Even tho, of course, as a Jew, I spent Christmas going to the movies, but it’s usually something like “Platoon.” [PuzzleGirl: I’m not Jewish, but one year my sister, parents and I saw 14 movies in 3 days over Christmas.]
  

• 5D: Yalta peninsula (CRIMEA). Got it, but again, an educated guess, not something I actually know/care a fig about. Again confirming what a pseudo-intellectual I am.
  

• Same for 44D. I know Philosopher Kierkegaard’s first name is SOREN. I know “Kierkegaard” is Danish (or something Scandanavian) for churchyard or cemetery … but I’ve never read Kierkegaard … tho I know people who have … and was even in love once with someone who wrote his thesis about him … does that count?
  

• Same deal for 8D: Writer Umberto ECO. Saw the movie, tho.
  

• Same deal for 30D: A Chaucer pilgrim (REEVE). Got it, play it in Scrabble lots of times, but I’ve never read it. Jeez, I hope “they” don’t revoke my diploma retroactively after reading this blog. I mean last year, I only read books that friends wrote, or even books that I’m IN and even then I only skimmed the chapters.
  

• 13D: Pioneering General Motors electric car (VOLT). I would think as a namer I might have even heard of that. Sort of cute and fun … but, nope.
  

Now that I look at this list, I’m even ashamed to know me. I wonder how I could do this whole puzzle in about ten minutes but not really know anything. I mean I knew Fred Astaire, Candice Bergen, Miles O’Shea (and his eyebrows), loved the definition for Zero Mostel (52A: Talented Zero) … so maybe it’s back to TV Guide puzzles for me.

And, despite having been a standup for ten years, back in the day, and a contestant on “Wheel of Fortune,” HAHAS (34D: Comedy club outbursts) and AN O (38A: “I’d like to buy _____”) were the last letters I filled in. HAHAS reminded me of the lame club names I used to perform at … like when the Holy City Zoo in SF changed its name to HAHA-A-GO-GO or something like that. I choose to block that out and blame it on drugs, even tho I’ve never done any.

Oh, as for Malapops (I’m going to force this into the language!), I’m going to count misspelling ABEL as ABLE yesterday, only to have it turn up today as 1D: Up to it! Perhaps some of you had your own Malapops with 4D and 47D both being defined as a three-letter word for Granola morsel and yes, I tried putting OAT in for both!

And I’m going to count MAMA (52D: Word from crib) as a repeat of yesterday’s word from the crib, DADA. See! I told you. There is one thing that is repeated each day and it’s not my imagination or the drugs I’ve never taken!

I’ll try to end on a high note. I immediately got ANGST (6D: Recurring Woody Allen theme) because as a 14-year-old, I met him and we had a running correspondence (I know, I know … but I didn’t know then!) and he turned me on to Robert Benchley and SJ Perelman. Whenever I would go to NY to visit my grandparents, we would go hear him at Michael’s Pub. This was before he was so famous that they had to literally rope him off. There’s more to this story, needless to say, but I’ll just leave you with a picture from one of those nights.


Thank you again to PuzzleGirl, whose boundless enthusiasm and skillsets (a word I swear I’d never use) made this all possible. Now I have to go grab a flashlight and find that Rex! “Here, Rex! … Rex?! … Rexxxxxxxx!”

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