French kiss kissers / SAT 8-16-25 / Appearance of the marine creature called "by-the-wind" / Swimwear that can be worn as shorts / 1990 novelty dance inspired by a comics superhero / Nintendo title character with a head mirror / Beauty lounge, of a sort / Evariste ___, 19th-century French math prodigy for whom a differential theory is named / Melancholy 1964 #1 hit for Bobby Vinton / Sponge brand originally spelled with two hyphens / Barack Obama's final secretary of defense (2015-17) / Practitioner of black magic / Kind of box for media watchers

Constructor: Byron Walden

Relative difficulty: Medium-Challenging 

THEME: none 

Word of the Day: "By-the-wind sailor" (1D: Appearance of the marine creature called "by-the-wind-sailor") —

Velella is a monospecific genus of hydrozoa in the family Porpitidae. Its only known species is Velella velella, a cosmopolitan (widely distributed) free-floating hydrozoan that lives on the surface of the open ocean. It is commonly known by the names sea raft, by-the-wind sailor, purple sail, little sail, or simply Velella.

This small cnidarian is part of a specialised ocean surface community that includes the better-known cnidarian siphonophore, the Portuguese man o' war. Specialized predatory gastropod molluscs prey on these cnidarians. Such predators include nudibranchs (sea slugs) in the genus Glaucus and purple snails in the genus Janthina.

Each apparent individual is a hydroid colony, and most are less than about 7 cm long. They are usually deep blue in colour, and have a small stiff sail that catches the wind and propels them over the surface of the sea. Under certain wind conditions, they may be stranded by the thousand on beaches.

Like other cnidarians, Velella velella are carnivorous. They catch their prey, generally plankton, by means of tentacles that hang down in the water and bear cnidocysts (also called nematocysts). The toxins in their nematocysts are effective against their prey. While cnidarians all possess nematocysts, in some species the nematocysts and toxins therein are more powerful than other species. V. velella's nematocysts are relatively benign to humans, although itching may develop on parts of the skin that have been exposed to them. (wikipedia)

• • •

Well I can't complain that that one was too easy. The proper nouns alone kept punching me in my (non-open) mouth over and over. ASH CARTER? (9D: Barack Obama's final secretary of defense (2015-17)). Uh ... vague whispers of echoes of memories of a long ago times, before the Great Fall-Apart. 2015-17, you say? Yes, I believe those years happened, and I must've been alive, but ... [shrug]. ASH CARTER sounds like a pop star or a movie franchise hero, and he may as well be ARNE DUNCAN or all that I could pick him out of an Obama-era politico line-up. LEA SOLANGA? (26D: Tony-winning actress who provided the singing voice for the Disney princesses Jasmine and Mulan). Again, that is a name I've heard, so that helped, but only so much. My brain just kept offering me LEA MICHELE and SOLANGE Knowles (Beyoncé's singing sister). Evariste GALOIS?? (24A: Évariste ___, 19th-century French math prodigy for whom a differential theory is named). Did he invent French cigarettes? Because otherwise, hoo boy, no way (damn, the cigarettes are GAULOISES, not GALOIS, nevermind). There are apparently still more Marioverse characters, seemingly more Marioverse characters than there are Simpsons characters, so ... DR. MARIO, was it? At least that was inferable with some crosses (5D: Nintendo character with a head mirror). The "Head mirror" is so obsolete that it took me a sec to place it (on the head of an imaginary "doctor"). Oh and speaking of the Simpsons, that was one of the proper nouns I did know. THE BARTMAN was a "thing" for like ... a month? A year? I dunno. It was early days for the show, first season, maybe. The show soon became so Homer-centered that Bartmania became a kind of quaint memory, but it was indeed a mania while it lasted. It's ... possible ... that I own a picture disc of "Do THE BARTMAN":

Proper nouns are only a part of what made this one properly Saturday tough. That BLOB clue may be the most inscrutable clue I've ever encountered in crosswords. First of all, "Appearance of..." You don't want the creature, you want the appearance of the creature? And you're not going to tell me what the creature is except by its completely unhelpful nickname? "By-the-wind sailor"? In retrospect, the name makes sense, if you know the actual (Latin) name of the "marine creature" in question: Velella. Velella means "little sail" (one of the other nicknames for this creature). Velella "have a small stiff sail that catches the wind and propels them over the surface of the sea" (wikipedia). But their appearance (allegedly!) is apparently not SAIL. It's BLOB. Which is the "appearance of" ... lots of things. The Blob, for instance. Or that thing at the bottom of your water glass you can't identify. That BLOB clue is peak Saturday clue. An absolutely pure headshake. 

Further, I needed 80%+ of the crosses to get BLOW-DRY BAR, which, like a doctor's head mirror, feels .. of the past. But I see that I'm confusing it with the hair salons in old movies and TV shows where ladies sit underneath hairdrying machines and read magazines and gossip. I assume that at a BLOW-DRY BAR they ... blow ... your hair ... dry? Look, I have no hair, and my wife and daughter are not exactly beauty-parlor people, so while I love the phrase as a phrase, it is not in my personal phrasebook. So the NW was hard going to start. After that, I was able to move consistently, if slowly. Lucked out getting ACTION HERO off just the "CT" (25D: Bond classification) ("Bond, James Bond"), which helped open up the SW. And I really lucked out with AUSTENITES, a word I basically made up as a right-sounding word that ended up actually being right. We've been listening to Mansfield Park in the car (yesterday on the way to Ithaca and back, for instance), and my wife and I have been discussing her particular greatness a lot lately, so she's been much on my mind (though we're not the biggest fans of Mansfield Park, so far—entertaining, in a way, but without any appealing characters whatsoever; the leading female protagonist is weak and easily led, and her seeming-maybe-possible love interest is a humorless prig. Seriously, the most boring guy to ever open his mouth. I hope this play they're trying to put on (so many bored rich people...) turns out a hilarious disaster. But yeah, I think maybe we're AUSTENITES in this household, though slap me if I ever use that term again.

[what plays in my head when I see BLOW-DRY BAR, accuracy be damned]

[from Golden Eighties, d. Chantal Akerman (1986)]

Middle of the puzzle was the stickiest place for me outside the NW. BOARDIES!?!?! (37A: Swimwear that can be worn as shorts). I know "board shorts." I had the BOARD part and then ... waited. BOARD PJS? I don't know! Yeesh. And the flight from New York to London wasn't OVERNIGHT!?!?! The only letter I had was "N" and OVERNIGHT fit and I was so happy, ah well. SEVEN-HOUR? I mean, I believe you. I ballpark believe you. Not sure SEVEN-HOUR is my favorite answer of all time. But it's ... inventive. Surprising. I did really enjoy solving this, it just bruised me a bit, is all.

[27A: Melancholy 1964 #1 hit for Bobby Vinton]

Bullets:

• 28A: Sponge brand originally spelled with two-hyphens (OCELO) — I know one of the hyphens came after the first "O" but I'm not sure where that other hyphen would've gone. Aha, it went before the last "O," which ... yes, seems logical, now. This is the official sponge of Crossworld. I know it solely because of crosswords. Oh, wait, SOS is a sponge brand too, isn't it. Well, there are other clues for SOS, but only one for OCELO, so OCELO wins "official" status for that reason alone. (Actually, this is only the fourth appearance for OCELO all time, which seems impossible, but I'm afraid four appearances is not enough to qualify you for any kind of "official" status, so the title of "Official Sponge of Crossworld" reverts to SOS. Damn it! SOS is a scouring pad (steel wool), not a sponge at all!!! Sigh, OK, the position of 'Official Sponge of Crossworld" remains officially open for now. OCELO can occupy the position on a provisional basis.
• 33A: Kind of box for media watchers (TIVO) — "box" and "media watchers" both had me thrown. "Media watchers" sound like people who keep their eyes on the news business. "Media consumers" would've been clearer here, but who needs "clearer" on a Saturday?
• 35D: Smack in the middle of a crowd, in brief? (PDA) — great clue. "Smack" = "kiss" here. Surface meaning of the clue is tight, clean, and appropriately misdirective. 
• 14D: Call to whomever ("HEY, ANYBODY!") — or is it more like two calls, like, "HEY! ... ANYBODY!?" That sounds more natural. Not a natural-sounding "call" to me, but I had all three "Y"s in this answer before seeing the clue, which helped (a lot). 

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

[Follow Rex Parker on BlueSky and Facebook]
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