First man, in Maori mythology / FRI 4-1-22 / Vegas machine with best odds / Masterwork completed in 1499 / Biblical land near kingdoms of Judah and Moab / Headliner of the first Warner Bros short to win an Oscar / It makes il mundo go 'round

Constructor: Evan Mahnken

Relative difficulty: Medium

THEME: the puzzle wants to try some April Fools *%@! on you, enjoy — the "joke" is in the "Puzzle Notes": "This puzzle has four different solutions. When you're done, read the circled letters from top to bottom to find another one." So ... the four theme answers are all "solutions" of one kind or another, and the circled squares literally spell out "another one." Are you happy now?

Theme answers:

• MOUTHWASH (17A: Bathroom cabinet item)
• HAND SANITIZER (27A: Product often advertising 99.99% effectiveness)
• WINDOW CLEANER (44A: It might help clear things up)
• SALT WATER (57A: Sound filler)

Word of the Day: TIKI (5A: First man, in Maori mythology) —

In Māori mythology, Tiki is the first man created by either Tūmatauenga or Tāne. He found the first woman, Marikoriko, in a pond; she seduced him and he became the father of Hine-kau-ataata. By extension, a tiki is a large or small wooden or stone carving in humanoid form, although this is a somewhat archaic usage in the Māori language. Carvings similar to tikis and coming to represent deified ancestors are found in most Polynesian cultures. They often serve to mark the boundaries of sacred or significant sites. (wikipedia)

• • •

Hello and welcome to the stupidest "holiday" of the year. After my workout on Monday, my trainer at the gym said, "OK, I'll see on Friday ... April Fools' Day." To which I said, sarcastically, "great." She said, "Don't worry, I'm not gonna do anything, I'll be here, just like normal" (I assume she was telling the truth—I'll find out in a few hours). Then she said, "You'd think people would grow out of that by adulthood." Yes, yes you would. But no ... here come the predictable attempts at gotcha-ery. I live in a world that is absolutely drowning in disinformation, 24/7, it's literally killing us all, so yeah, I don't have time for this "day" and even the most lowkey of its corny nonsense. You know what this puzzle did—it took a Friday puzzle away from me. If you think that's entertainment, well, you and I are very different. As you know, if you've read this blog long enough, Friday is the Best Day. It's the day I look forward to the most, the day when the NYTXW is most likely to hit its mark, to provide delight, to deliver the whoosh whoosh zoom zoom pleasure that I'm always chasing but much less often getting from my puzzle-solving regime. But no, I've got this pun on "solutions" with its little "see what I did there" post-solve flourish. [Extremely deep sigh]. I clearly picked the wrong month to stop drinking.

So here's your definition of "solution" today, in case it was at all unclear:

5. Chemistry. 

1. a. the process by which a gas, liquid, or solid is dispersed homogeneously in a gas, liquid, or solid without chemical change.
2. b. such a substance, as dissolved sugar or salt in solution.
3. c. a homogeneous, molecular mixture of two or more substances. (dictionary.com)

And your theme answers today are, it seems, a bunch of said "solutions," though I would never think of them that way. I see three household cleaning agents and some SALT WATER. Maybe that's the point—you don't think of them that way, so maybe (maybe) you don't get the "solution" "joke" right away. Or at all. I don't know. All I know is that "A-N-O-T-H-E-R-O-N-E" has big "B-E-S-U-R-E-T-O-D-R-I-N-K-Y-O-U-R-O-V-A-L-T-I-N-E" energy. Like Ralphie after he decodes that message in "A Christmas Story," I am extremely disappointed.

I struggled only in the NW, where my first pass turned up nothing but ATM (20A: Vegas machine with the best odds?). But I managed to back my way into that section later once I got the latter end of MOUTHWASH. My most embarrassing moment (considering my wife is from New Zealand) was putting in MAUI instead of TIKI at 5A: First man, in Maori mythology, though I felt slightly less bad when I looked up Maui and discovered that one of Maui's Maori names is Maui-TIKITIKI. Also, in case you thought Maui was just an island, here:

Māui (Maui) is the great culture hero and trickster in Polynesian mythology. Very rarely was Māui actually worshipped, being less of a deity and more of a folk hero. His origins vary from culture to culture, but many of his main exploits remain relatively similar. (wikipedia)

Ah well, at least I had INACAN to console me after screwing this answer up ... [yet another extremely deep sigh].

Because the "theme" has taken away what might've been a slew of marquee answers, the only NEWSWORTHY answer today is NEWSWORTHY (29D: Fit for a big write-up, say). I think GO TO PRISON wants to be NEWSWORTHY, but it's about as NEWSWORTHY as INACAN. Hey, if you GOTOPRISON, are you INACAN. Is prison sometimes referred to as "the can"? Yes! "The can: a jail or prison." Though nowadays, more often "a toilet," I suppose. At least in the U.S. Hope you enjoyed this ARTY fare much more than I did. I wish you a good day, free of people who think April Fools' is a "good day" for pranking. Oh, also, big love and good wishes to all my friends who are attending the American Crossword Puzzle Tournament this weekend in Stamford, CT. I hope to see you all at some other tournament very soon. Mwah!

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Facebook]