For real, to Gen Z / THU 7-10-25 / River through six Asian countries / Sparkling water additive / Freelancer's lack / Major-league team known as the "North Siders," locally / It can follow anyone / Vape, informally / Glazer of "Broad City" / 1970 Van Morrison title track / Heckelphone relative / Ending with lemon or cannon

Constructor: Emily Biegas and Sala Wanetick

Relative difficulty: Medium (easy theme, but the fill slowed me down a bunch)

[skinny puzzle! 14x16 grid]

THEME: face cards — face cards (the letter + the suit symbol) are used as punny clues for people who are experts in their fields:

Theme answers:

• MASTER GARDENER (19A: A♠️) (an "ace" of garden "spades")
• TIGER WOODS (K♣️) (a "king" of golf "clubs")
• MATCHMAKER (Q❤️) (a "queen" of uniting people's "hearts")
• JACKIE ROBINSON (57A: J♦️) (a "jack" (???) of the baseball "diamond")

Word of the Day: MEKONG (47D: River through six Asian countries) —

The Mekong or Mekong River (UK: /miːˈkɒŋ/ mee-KONG, US: /ˌmeɪˈkɔːŋ/ may-KAWNG) is a transboundary river in East Asia and Southeast Asia. It is the world's twelfth-longest river and the third-longest in Asia with an estimated length of 4,909 km (3,050 mi) and a drainage area of 795,000 km² (307,000 sq mi), discharging 475 km³ (114 cu mi) of water annually. From its headwaters in the Tibetan Plateau, the river runs through Southwest China (where it is officially called the Lancang River), Myanmar, Laos, Thailand, Cambodia, and southern Vietnam. The extreme seasonal variations in flow and the presence of rapids and waterfalls in the Mekong make navigation difficult, though the river remains a major trade route between Tibet and Southeast Asia. The construction of hydroelectric dams along the Mekong in the 2000s through the 2020s has caused serious problems for the river's ecosystem, including the exacerbation of drought.

• • •

Apologies for the short write-up today. I've got a plane to catch later this morning, *plus* I was out late last night ("late" for me, i.e. past 10pm), and so I slept in ("in" for me, i.e. 4:30am), and just don't have as much time (or mental clarity, probably) as I normally do. This was an odd one, as the theme was actually very easy to decipher (for a Thursday, especially), but that meant that they put a lot of "difficulty" into the clues to compensate, or at least that's what it felt like. Never that fun to have the short stuff (and, once again, there's a lot of it) be the source of puzzle difficulty. This is another way of saying that the fill just wasn't that exciting. Solid, but not head-turning. And the themers themselves were ... fine, but kind of arbitrary (except for MASTER GARDENER—not sure who else you'd call an "ace of spades"). There's one thing I don't understand about the theme, though, and that's the last theme answer (JACKIE ROBINSON). Is "jack" being used to mean "expert" (as "ace" "king" and "queen" are in the other theme clues)? I've only heard of "jack" used that way in the phrase "jack of all trades." I've seen "crackerjack" used this way, but not "jack." But then I thought, maybe it's a joke, and that the clue is really just a reference to "JACK"IE ROBINSON's name. Then I thought, wait, is it both? Anyway, to the extent that "jack" is supposed to mean "expert," I don't like it. Doesn't land like the other three face card terms do. But I sort of like the absurdity of cluing Jackie as a "Jack"—so ridiculous it's clever.

Top half of this puzzle was easy, bottom half was a mess. Wanted ON END (?) before ON ICE (30D: Not straight up, in a way), which was a minor issue, but it signaled that things were about to go off the rails a bit. I know "Vape" only as a verb, so did *not* see E-CIG coming (48A: Vape, informally). The skirt could've been MINIS or MIDIS (46D: Certain skirts) ("Certain" not really helping me at all). I could not come up with the second part of STAGE NAME to save my life (37D: Nicki Minaj or Iggy Pop, e.g.). "40-40" could be a lot of things (a tie ... an equation whose result is zero ...). So I had passed on that SE corner and went back to the SW corner, which was somehow worse, largely because I thought 45D: Submit (ACCEDE) was ALLEGE (as in, "I submit that you, yes you, stole my cookie, sir"). I have no idea what the clue on ESSENCE thinks it's doing (49A: Sparkling water additive). ESSENCE of ... what? "I'd like some sparkling water, please." "With or without ESSENCE?" No. I mean, I'm sure there are flavorings in some sparkling waters called "ESSENCE of ___" but no, that clue was not to my liking at all. Oh, and the reason ALLEGE stuck in place as long as it did for me was because the first "L" confirmed ("confirmed") PAL at 47A: Bud (MAC). To be honest, this whole mess probably didn't hold me up for that long, but compared to the top half of the grid, the bottom half def played slower. 

OK, I got like 15 minutes left to write, so let's go straight to the round-up:

Round-up:

• 1A: Major-league team known as the "North Siders," locally (CUBS) — first instinct: NATS. Why? Because if I'm half asleep, some primal crossword part of my brain just takes over, and NATS is the most common four-letter baseball team (right? I mean, historically, it would be METS, but since the NATS came into existence, it's gotta be them). CUBS are North Siders, WHITE SOX are South Siders (I can't remember ever seeing WHITE SOX in the grid, though SOX is common enough). Looks like WHITE SOX has been the puzzle precisely once, 30 years ago, clued as [World Series losers, 1919]. They won the World Series in '05, but that has apparently done nothing to enhance their crossword status. 
• 60A: 2025 Pixar film (ELIO) — I resent this movie (well, its xword-friendly title) for ensuring that yet another damn animated movie (and its lore) will be in my grid forever and ever and ever. COCO WALL-E SHREK MOANA ... Finding NEMO ... how many FROZEN characters have I had to learn!? It's wearying.
• 67A: It can follow anyone (ELSE) — The phrase "anyone ELSE" exists, so ... you can't say the clue isn't accurate. Dumb, maybe, but not inaccurate.

• 7D: For real, to Gen Z (NO CAP) — please don't say you've never heard of this phrase unless you just started doing puzzles and/or reading me today. We've talked about this phrase before. Multiple times. Earlier this month, in fact. "CAP" (in this sense) was a Word of the Day last year.
• 52D: Cynthia of "Wicked" (ERIVO) — another former Word of the Day (2022). This is the third appearance for the Wicked star. A few pop culture hurdles today, which might've spelled trouble for the pop culture-averse. ERIVO. ILANA. SALMA. There's also MANU (N.B.A. star Ginóbli), which is sports, but sports are "pop culture"-adjacent, so I think he belongs on this list.
• 59D: Freelancer's lack (BOSS) — because "secure employment" wouldn't fit. Did not see this particular answer coming. For a second, I thought it might be POST (as in, a regular position, a steady job).

Done! Could've been shorter, but still, pretty short. Proud of myself. Gotta run. See you next time.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

[Follow Rex Parker on BlueSky and Facebook]
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Actress Hinds of "9-1-1" / MON 9-2-24 / Symbol in Tinder's logo / Gravy train gig / Sandoval of "Vanderpump Rules" / Gummy candy shape / Lodge group since 1868 / Pollution portmanteau / Engineered embankment

Constructor: Sala Wanetick and Emily Biegas

Relative difficulty: Easy (solved Downs-only)

THEME: HOP SKIP AND A JUMP (65A: Short distance to travel, with a hint to 17-, 27- and 49-Across) — things that hop, skip, and jump, respectively:

Theme answers:

• PETER COTTONTAIL (he hops) (17A: Song character who comes "down the bunny trail")
• BROKEN RECORD (it skips) (27A: Someone who says the same thing again and again, metaphorically)
• FIGURE SKATER (she jumps) (49A: One having an ice time at the Olympics?)

Word of the Day: AISHA Hinds (14A: Actress Hinds of "9-1-1") —

Aisha Hinds is an American television, stage and film actress. She had supporting roles in a number of television series, including The Shield, Invasion, True Blood, Detroit 1-8-7 and Under the Dome. In 2016, she played Fannie Lou Hamer in biographical drama film All the Way. She has also appeared in Assault on Precinct 13 (2005) and was cast as Harriet Tubman in WGN America period drama Underground. Beginning in 2018, Hinds stars in the Fox procedural drama series 9-1-1. (wikipedia) // 9-1-1 is an American procedural drama television series created by Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk, and Tim Minear. The series had aired on Fox and currently airs on ABC. The series follows the lives of Los Angeles first responders: police officers, paramedics, firefighters, and dispatchers. // The series currently stars Angela Bassett, Peter Krause, Oliver Stark, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Ryan Guzman, Aisha Hinds, Kenneth Choi and Gavin McHugh. The series premiered on January 3, 2018. 9-1-1 is a joint production between Reamworks, Brad Falchuk Teley-Vision and Ryan Murphy Television in association with 20th Television. In May 2023, the series was canceled by Fox and was renewed for a seventh season at ABC. The seventh season premiered on March 14, 2024. In April 2024, ABC renewed the series for an eighth season which was set to premiere on September 26, 2024. (wikipedia)

• • •

Yeah, OK. This seems like a fine Monday theme. HOP SKIP AND A JUMP is a common colloquial phrase, and those theme answers hop, skip, and jump, for sure. Nothing stunning here, but it all seems perfectly solid and acceptable. I have only two quibbles with the execution of the theme. First, the phrase really really wants to be *A* HOP SKIP AND A JUMP. You'd never use the phrase without that initial "A," and it seems obvious / likely / probable that the "A" would be here if it weren't for symmetry considerations, i.e. PETER COTTONTAIL is 15 so HOP SKIP AND A JUMP has to be 15 (also, 15 is the conventional width for a daily crossword puzzle). I feel that missing "A" a little, is what I'm saying. Also, I really Really feel the missing "hopping" in the clue for PETER COTTONTAIL. [Song character who comes "down the bunny trail"]!?!?!? He (famously) "comes ... *hopping* down the bunny trail." So weird to pretend that he's just ... coming down the trail in some kind of non-hop fashion. I mean, I get why "hopping" is not in the clue (HOP is a part of the revealer), but still ... there have to be better ways to clue PETER COTTONTAIL, ones that don't involve awkward / botched / partial quotations. So that theme clue as well as the revealer felt like they clanked a bit. But just a bit. As I say, on the whole, this is fine.

Very happy I solved Downs-only today because I missed the two marginal pop culture clues entirely. I can't imagine watching network TV anymore. I have no idea what is on there. It all seems the same. Three hundred and eighty-six shows about cops or firemen or paramedics or medical investigators or lawyers or I don't know what. I do not get it. So if you'd asked me to name *anyone* in the cast of 9-1-1, I'd've asked "Do you mean Reno 9-1-1? That was a pretty funny show. I know the faces, but I'm not sure about the names. Let's see, there's that lady who went on to be in The Goldb-" And after you'd patiently explained to me that no, you didn't mean Reno 9-1-1, you meant plain old 9-1-1, I'd've stared at you blankly, wondering "...that's a thing? They couldn't think of a better title than that?" So, yeah, never heard of AISHA Hinds or that TV show. I don't feel bad about not knowing the TV show, but Hinds has done a lot of other stuff, so I feel slightly bad about not even recognizing her name. But solving Downs-only, all I have to know is that AISHA is a name, a name I know exists, and since the Downs all work ... we're good! I've at least heard of Vanderpump Rules, but again, hard LOL that I'd know the names of anyone on it. TOM Sandoval, you say? OK. Neither of these TV clues seem like easy Monday fare. I would say the same about LEONA Lewis if she weren't virtual crosswordese by now (her crossword presence is hardly proportionate to her actual fame) (47A: "Bleeding Love" singer Lewis). But again, solving Downs-only, I just sailed right by all that name nonsense. Ignorantly, blissfully.

No real problems with the Downs-only solve today. Kinda wanted IN RE at 3D: Regarding (AS TO). Then there was THE LIKE, which I really ... uh, like. It's a strange standalone phrase. I mean, it looks weird on its own, and not at the end of sentence, following "and." Plus it's got a strangely phrased clue: 4D: Others similar. My brain had to take a few seconds to process that one, grammatically. After I got THE, I wanted THE SAME, but no, THE LIKE is better, THE LIKE is good, I like THE LIKE. I still somehow haven't added INUK to my database of things I know, so that was probably the hardest answer in the grid for me ... OK, I looked it up, and I now feel less bad about struggling to recall it. This is only the second appearance ever of INUK, the first being some time last year. An INUK is a "member of the Inuit people." INUIT, I've seen a gajillion times. INUK ... still getting used to that one. Just one other misstep today: LEDGE before ROOST for the [Pigeon's perch]. 

Short fill is a little shaky today, but the longer (non-thematic) stuff is pretty nice. Do ORGANISTs GO ON TOUR. Seems like it would not be an EASY JOB (48D: Gravy train gig), lugging your cathedral-sized organ from gig to gig. I like GO ON TOUR because it looks like GOON TOUR. I guess if a guy OFFS people for the mob, and he has to do a lot of ... offing ... around the country, maybe you could call that a GOON TOUR. That's enough fanciful reading of the grid. Need coffee. Happy Labor Day. See you tomorrow.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Facebook]

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