Athena's gift to Athens / SUN 8-11-24 / Europe's second-longest river / Mideast dignitaries: Var. / "____ is to place as eternity is to time": Joseph Joubert

Constructor: Caryn Robbins

Relative difficulty: Pretty Easy

THEME: Take the El Train— The letters "EL" are added to common phrases to turn them into wacky phrases. Like a Calvin turned his carboard box into a Wackyifier.

Word of the Day: TELOS (65D: Final purpose, to Aristotle) —

Telos (/ˈtɛ.lɒs/; Greek: τέλος, translit. télos, lit. "end, 'purpose', or 'goal'")^[1] is a term used by philosopher Aristotle to refer to the final cause of a natural organ or entity, or of human art. Telos is the root of the modern term teleology, the study of purposiveness or of objects with a view to their aims, purposes, or intentions. Teleology is central in Aristotle's work on plant and animal biology, and human ethics, through his theory of the four causes. Aristotle's notion that everything has a telos also gave rise to epistemology.^[2]

• • •

Hello one more time, Rexacateers, it's Eli! I believe this is the last day of Rexplacements for now since Rex is back from vacation tomorrow. His vacation is going great. How do I know? Because yesterday it included lunch with me and my wife followed by a screening of The Godfather: Part II at the New Beverly Cinema! We had a fantastic time, and I'd love to share pictures, but nobody took anyway. Oh well, plenty of memories. On to the puzzle!

Theme answers:

• EXCHANGE WEDDING VOWELS (23A: Say "O di" instead of "I do"?)
• PACK YOUR BAGELS AND GO (38A: Eviction notice sent to a New York deli owner?)
• PEELER REVIEW (50A: "This thing is SHARP! It handles potatoes and carrots with ease," e.g.)
• WHAT'S PASTEL IS PAST (69A: Interior decorator's assertion that bold colors are back in style?)
• NOEL FLY ZONES (87A: Santa's routes on Christmas Eve?)
• DON'T GET MAD, GET ELEVEN (96A: Advice after one's rival scores a perfect ten?)
• YOUR DELAYS ARE NUMBERED (117A: Airline's promise to improve its timeliness?)

I love Chicago and I love public transportation, so when I saw that the theme was "Take the El Train" I got excited. But, it turned out to be a simple "add a couple of letters" theme. Oh well, can't win 'em all. This also seems like a good excuse to plug the Midwest Crossword Tournament happening in Chicago on October 5 (https://www.mwxwt.com/). I can't make it, but you definitely should! It'll be a great time.

Despite the simplicity of the theme, I thought it worked pretty well. Both the original and modified phrases all worked well, and some of the cluing made me giggle. Don't Get Mad, Get Eleven sounds like Nigel Tufnel found a second career as a revenge coach.

The only holdup I had was determining where to put the "EL" in What's Pastel is Past. The phrase would have worked as well as "What's past is pastel." Not a complaint, just something that made me think twice. Other than that, once I figured out the theme it was off to the races.

The theme density didn't leave much room for sparkle in the fill. Looking over the grid, not much is standing out to me. I really don't like SNARL UPS (35D: Traffic jams). I mean, I hate cars and traffic more than most people, but in this case I mean I don't like the phrase. I can see it is a valid dictionary definition, but it doesn't sound like something I actually hear people say. And I live in LA; I've heard a LOT of traffic jam descriptors. I'm also a runner and cyclist who does a lot of metric races, and I have never seen kilometer abbreviated as KIL (26A: Le Mans race unit: Abbr.). I've seen "K" and "KM" which are too short to be crossword answers. If you needed a longer answer, I've heard people (military types, mostly) use "Click" or "Klik." But never KIL. There is a surprising lack of proper names in this one, but the one that really stands out is WELBY (24D: Dr. Marcus of old TV). The appearance of Marcus Welby, MD immediately makes the whole grid feel 20 years older. I knew it immediately because I know a lot of TV stuff, but I turn 42 this week and this show is an ancient reference to me.

What kind of nerd am I?

So, I was going to do my normal highlights, but I realized there were a lot of examples of the kind of nerd I am (in addition to being a crossword nerd, naturally).

• ALE (1D: Stuff served in a horn at a Renaissance faire, perhaps) — Not only am I the kind of nerd who brews his own beer, I'm also the type to go to a Ren Faire and drink ale out of my horn.

Sorry ladies, I'm married

• SPEEDO (16D: Maker of tiny trunks)— I am a triathlon nerd and also a word nerd. So, while I typically wear TYR swimwear (named for the Norse god of war; also a mythology nerd), Speedo has become a proprietary eponym, like Band-Aid or Kleenex. I'll spare you a swimwear picture.
• SEGA (7D: Company whose name is derived from "Service Games")  — I enjoyed learning this trivia, but I'm including it here because I'm a classic video game nerd. I don't think there's many gamers my age who can't hear this logo just from looking at the picture:

• DUNE (115D: Sea turtle nesting site) — I'm the kind of sci-fi/fantasy nerd who just read all 900 or so pages of the original book Dune. Not the kind who had read it as a kid, but I did read the Lord of the Rings trilogy in elementary school. I should probably read that again; I can't imagine I really got it at that age.
• PICK A CARD (3D: Magician's request)  — Finally, I'm the kind of nerd who tried his hand at magic. I unfortunately lack any kind of manual dexterity, so I could never hack it. I still enjoy a good magician, though, especially close-up/slight of hand stuff.

Ok, I think that's all I've got for you today. I hope you've had as much fun solving and reading as I have blogging for you all. Enjoy your Sunday!

Signed, Eli Selzer, False Dauphin of CrossWorld

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Facebook]

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Famed backboard-breaking dunker of the 1990s / WED 8-9-23 / Rule that forbids singings hymns to the devil / NBA forward Porter Jr. / Woodworker's file / Pizzeria offerings served with marinara for dipping / Classic show tune with the lyric When you know the notes to sing, you can sing most anything

Constructor: Caryn Robbins and Matthew Stock

Relative difficulty: Easy

THEME: -CE to -TS puns — wacky letter-change puzzle:

Theme answers:

• GHOSTLY PRESENTS (17A: What's found under Casper's Christmas tree?)
• NO CHANTS IN HELL (27A: Rule that forbids singing hymns to the devil?)
• LOSING PATIENTS (47A: Doctor's concern when a rival clinic opens up next door?)
• PRINTS OF THIEVES (59A: Evidence at the robbery crime scene?)

Word of the Day: Outlander (20A: "Outlander" network => STARZ) —

 

Outlander is a historical drama television series based on the Outlander novel series by Diana Gabaldon. Developed by Ronald D. Moore, the show premiered on August 9, 2014, on Starz. It stars Caitríona Balfeas Claire Randall, a former Second World War military nurse in Scotland who, in 1945, finds herself transported back in time to 1743. There she encounters, falls in love with and marries a dashing Highlandwarrior named Jamie Fraser (Sam Heughan), a tacksman of Gabaldon's fictionalized version of Clan Fraser of Lovat. Here, Claire becomes embroiled in the Jacobite rising. (wikipedia)

• • •

Pretty dull wackiness today.You've got one real winner (NO CHANTS IN HELL), and then a bunch of seat-fillers ranging in quality from OK (GHOSTLY PRESENTS) to completely forgettable (LOSING PATIENTS). That "patience" / "patients" similarity is old hat and was the pun I was able to get to the quickest. GHOSTLY PRESENTS benefitted from being first, so it had the capacity to (like a good ghost) surprise! And then NO CHANTS IN HELL had me thinking the wackiness might actually achieve acceptable or even enjoyable levels today. But then the bottom half of the grid happened, and the concept just ran out of steam. The cluing didn't help. I don't know that PRINTS OF THIEVES is a bad pun, as far as this exact -CE-to-TS spelling pun goes, but the clue is so dull. Yes, thieves leave fingerprints. They do that. IRL. So ... how is this funny. At least the other clues really leaned into wackiness (with the best of them leaning in hard, which is a big reason why it's the best of them). But the PRINTS OF THIEVES clue is anti-wacky. Joy-draining. Nothing about thieves who steal art? Or who are actual *cat* burglars (you know, who might leave paw "prints")? Like ... get wacky with it or go home. As for the rest of the grid, it's chock full o' short stuff and doesn't have much to recommend it. The longer Downs are fine, and CALZONES are tasty, but it's mostly a shrug—a grid you dutifully fill in, but one that never gives you much to be excited about, or even amused by.

It is an incredible accomplishment to make it as a pro athlete in any sport, so on that level I have respect for OTTO Porter, Jr., but as a crossword answer? He was on a team that won a championship recently, it's true, but so were other guys you couldn't name, and beyond that championship, there's no real distinguishing accomplishment of the type that might make you think, "hey, this guy should really be in a crossword." No All-Star appearances, no scoring or rebounding titles ... I dunno, he's just good at basketball in a kind of ordinary way, which is itself extraordinary—again, just *being* a pro is amazing. But usually to be a crossword answer, you'd expect some there to be *some* reason that the gen pop (i.e. non-basketball fan) might know him, and I can't see what that is. In his defense, wikipedia does say that his play in the 2022 Finals was a significant part of Golden State's winning that championship: "He would play a sizable role in the finals, starting in Game Six, and helping them take home the title." Credit where credit is due. It's just bizarre to have an exceedingly easy puzzle where the one idea they have for "increasing difficulty" is "let's throw in a random basketball player. Just so we can have a different OTTO." I guess I should be grateful that it's not just the "Simpsons" bus driver again. but this one seemed pretty obscure (for non-fans). LOL I just looked up [men named Otto] and of course got this:

[Yes, google, that is what I am asking for ... this is a real "Who's on first?" situation
we're getting ourselves into...]

Not many sharp edges to cut yourselves on today (this metaphor brought to you by a very minor tuna-can accident that befell someone not named "me" in this house yesterday) (my daughter is home for a few days before moving to NYC ... the accident didn't befall her either. And my cats are fine. So ... yeah, someone else. Again, that someone else is fine and also reading this and by now is likely thinking "why are you telling people about my stupid tuna can accident?" and the answer is I don't know but I got started and can't seem to stop, I love you, honey!). I had ADZE before RASP (1A: Woodworker's file), which is about the crosswordiest error a solver can make. "I wanted ADZE" who *wants* ADZE?? (woodworkers aside). I had the most trouble in the middle of the grid, inside the ambiguous gunk pile that extends from STRIP to DANG. I was mad at STRIP because it was a short answer in a crucial spot but it was telling me to go off and solve a whole long Down answer in order to understand the clue. I never look at clues for long answers until I've got some crosses (usually a fool's errand, otherwise), so, pass ... and then ATAD, ITIS and DANG, all lumped together there, all could've been different things (ABIT? ISEE or IBET? DAMN or DARN?). Unpleasant slogging through there—all ambiguity, no reward. 

Even though EGRETS are about the crosswordesiest birds there are, I enjoyed seeing them today because they reminded me of my new favorite podcast, "Field Trip," which is about the National Parks (I'm halfway through the Everglades episode). Rather than just provide a kind of straightforward description or history of the parks, the show looks at the park from a ground-level view, often through the eyes of someone who works or lives near the park, and often that person is a member of a Native American tribe, so you are constantly having to think about the majesty of the parks alongside the realities of land appropriation and mismanagement, the ravages of capitalism and commerce. And yet despite dealing with some unpleasant realities it still manages to convey the breathtaking quality of these unique and awe-inspiring environments, and celebrates attempts both inside and outside the Park’s’ official infrastructure to keep the parks wild, magnificent, and thriving. The field recordings are beautiful and the conversations between the host (Washington Post's Lillian Cunningham) and her guides and other interview subjects are candid, frank, and frequently surprising (and even funny). Her Everglades recordings and interviews are repeatedly punctuated by animals just ... showing up. Alligators in their path, ospreys dive-bombing for a meal just off to the side of their boat. It's immersive and wonderful and I'm getting paid nothing to tell you this, OK bye!

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Facebook]

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