Relative of an alpaca / SUN 5-24-26 / Online reference with many faces / Insider, in spy lingo / Using Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, etc / Foot, cutesily / Filthy, in slang / Stance that resembles a ballerina on one leg / Supervillain in "Fantastic Four" comics / Accessory used in some stretches

Constructor: David Steinberg

Relative difficulty: Easy

[103A: Princess Leia or Hester Prynne (HEROINE)]

THEME: "Next, Please!" — familiar phrases where one letter has been "raised" to the "Next" letter in the alphabet, creating wacky phrases, which are clued wackily ("?"-style); the "raised" letters are all circled and spell out "PLUS ONE"

Theme answers:

• CONTROLLED CHAPS (22A: Stoical British guys?)
• "THAT'S NOT OLAY!" (37A: "The skin cream you're using must be Neutrogena or CeraVe!"?)
• MISSED A BEAU (51A: Pined for an ex-boyfriend?)
• "GIVE ME ONE SEASON!" (64A: Exasperated television producer's plea?)
• CONTACT LEOS (80A: Reach out to people born between July 23 and August 22?)
• FIRST-CLASS NAIL (94A: Good name for a salon specializing in mani-pedis?)
• DISSONANT CHORES (111A: Loading the dishes and unloading the dishes, e.g.?)

Word of the Day: GUANACO (47D: Relative of an alpaca) —

The guanaco (/ɡwɑːˈnɑːkoʊ/ gwah-NAH-koh; Lama guanicoe) is a camelid native to South America, closely related to the domesticated llama. Guanacos are one of two wild South American camelids; the other species is the vicuña, which lives at higher elevations. // The guanaco gets its name from the Quechua word wanaku. Young guanacos are called chulengos or "guanaquitos". // Guanacos stand between 1.0 and 1.3 m (3 ft 3 in and 4 ft 3 in) at the shoulder, body length of 2.1 to 2.2 m (6 ft 11 in to 7 ft 3 in), and weigh 90 to 140 kg (200 to 310 lb). Their color varies very little (unlike the domestic llama), ranging from a light brown to dark cinnamon and shading to white underneath. Guanacos have grey faces and small, straight ears. The lifespan of a guanaco can be as long as 28 years. (wikipedia)

• • •

I liked this one just fine, but somehow, conceptually, it felt a little flat, or unambitious. I'm not sure the core idea quite coheres. I mean, the spelled-out phrase ("PLUS ONE") says wedding or other fancy affair, while the title ("Next, Please!") says deli counter. They both contain the ideas of progression, but in different and unrelated ways. This isn't a fault, exactly, but it does mean that the puzzle lacks ... I dunno, something. Something that makes me think, "nailed it!" I was grateful for the lack of a revealer. This one didn't need one. I was kinda mad, part way through, that the puzzle had highlighted the affected ("raised") squares. Seemed like a remedial move, an unnecessary assist. But then when I was finished, I noticed that those letters spelled out a phrase and thought, "OK, yeah, you probably do need to highlight those letters in order for people to notice the whole spelling gimmick." One good thing about the theme today is that the wackiness actually works a few times, which is to say I actually laughed. Somehow the idea of someone shouting "THAT'S NOT OLAY!," like they're trying to avert a lotion emergency, is funny to me. I guess the other ones aren't that funny, but they're all interestingly wacky, except maybe DISSONANT CHORES, the clue for which I don't really understand. How are loading and unloading the dishwasher "dissonant" chores, any more than loading and unloading the washing machine, or setting and clearing the table? They are opposites, in a way, but "dissonant"? I feel like I'm missing something. It would not be the first time. [People are telling me that loading and unloading the dishwasher makes a “dissonant” sound because of all the dishes clanging together—I must be a more careful loader/unloader than most of y’all because this never occurred to me]

Not much challenge to be had today, outside of trying to piece those themers together. Wacky theme answers like these can be hard to come up with, even when the base phrases are very familiar. I needed several to many crosses in order to get all of them, but those crosses were pretty easy to come by. There are only two answers in the puzzle (I think) that were not known to me at all: the hockey guy (MCDAVID) and the alpaca relative (GUANACO). Oh, and MOLEMAN (65D: Supervillain in "Fantastic Four" comics). I know a Hans MOLEMAN, but that is the only MOLEMAN I know.

I have a little 😃 written next to EMOJIPEDIA because it's apt: it's an emoji, and that answer made me smile (69D: Online reference with many faces). By contrast, I have a 🙁 written next to RESORT AREA, as I don't like that phrase (74D: Touristy destination). The AREA part just feels so vague. I had RESORT TOWN written in there for a bit. This meant that my 122A: Tibetan oxen (YAKS) were, first, ANOA (if you know you know, and if you solved crosswords in the very olden days, you know), and, second, GNUS (which are neither Tibetan nor oxen). The longer Downs add some much-needed spice to today's solve. My favorite is ON THE APPS, an extremely in-the-language phrase that I can't recall seeing in the grid before (sure enough, this is its first NYTXW appearance) (4D: Using Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, etc.). "IT'S ALL OVER" (15D: "We're toast!") also has a nice colloquial energy and pairs well (in its gloominess) with GONERS (64D: They're toast) (Ha, I didn't notice until just now that they're clues echo one another like that). You've also got LIP READERS, "I HATED IT," and LIFE STORY, all solid. 

["If anyone / Should ever write / My LIFE STORY..."]

I've taken a lot of yoga classes over the years but I can't recall ever using a YOGA BALL (?). I've definitely seen exercise balls at the gym, largish inflated things that you can do various poses on (I've done forearm planks with them, for instance—really gotta use your core to stay stable), but I don't associate those balls with yoga, so maybe there's an entirely different kind of ball that I just ... missed. And I wish DANCER POSE meant anything to me, because it sounds kind of made-up (3D: Stance that resembles a ballerina on one leg). When you have to have both a word for "dancer" ("ballerina") and a word for "pose" ("Stance") in your DANCER POSE clue just to get people to imagine it, that suggests its thingness isn't terribly strong. But again, maybe it's been in front of my face forever and I just missed it. I don't think I've ever seen and I know I've never used the phrase PIN PAD(S) before either (92D: Parts of card-swiping machines). Is that the same thing as the keypad that you enter your PIN number on? Seems so. As for LOST CAT (56D: Feline that a neighbor may find) ... I love cats. I don't so much like the idea of a lost cat, but I do like that the clue tells you that the neighbor found it, so I don't have to think about the poor cat lost out there, somewhere in fictional land, in fictional peril, all alone. Still, LOST CAT feels a little bit like GREEN PAINT (arbitrary adj./noun pairing). You could lose anything—doesn't mean it warrants its own standalone LOST- phrase. LOST SOCK? LOST KEYS? These are very real things, but I'm on the fence about their crossworthiness. 

[41D: N.H.L. star Connor ___]

Bullets:

• 112D: "Mean Girls" character Janis ___ (IAN) — if you're of a certain age, then you know who this character was named after:

• 44A: Baseball legend who dated J. Lo (A-ROD) — she's had lots of high-profile partners over the years. I like how the clue used her shortened name to cue his shortened name.
• 47A: Filthy, in slang (GRODY) — I haven't heard this since ... I wanna say 1984. But the clue doesn't say "old slang," so ... did it make a comeback?
• 17A: Foot, cutesily (TOOTSY) — if you're suffering from GRODY TOOTSY, ask your doctor about ZEQLYBIA ([extremely fast voiceover voice] "notarealmedicine")
• 121A: Like the strawberry champagne in Bruno Mars's "That's What I Like" (ON ICE) — I do not know this song but I like that I can infer the answer anyway. The clue spices up an otherwise blah answer.

• 9D: One of two found on résumés? (ACCENT) — did this trick anyone? Honestly, the way it's worded, it doesn't need that "?" at all. There are in fact two ACCENTs on the word "résumés." 
• 76D: Insider, in spy lingo (ASSET) — tough one for me. Someone "Insider" just didn't get me there. I wanted MOLE but it wouldn't fit (and was already taken by MOLEMAN!), and then ... nothing. Needed help from crosses.
• 79D: So-called "Land of a Million Elephants" (LAOS) — a million? Were there ever a million, even in idealized, pre-human depredation times? No, it's just a hyperbolic way of saying there were a lot. Kind of like the "Land of 1000 Dances"—Wilson Pickett only names like half a dozen. You have to kind of feel the rest.

[The Pony, the Mashed Potato, the Alligator (wtf!?), the Watusi ... late in the song he names the Jerk. So that's five. He claims to be "Twistin' with Lucy," but that's in the context of "doin' the Watusi," so I don't think we can count the Twist as a separate dance. Judges say: five dances. 995 still unaccounted for]

That's all. See you next time.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

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