Sunday, July 1, 2012
Hello and Happy Canada Day to those of you in the same crossword time zone. I am not Rex Parker. He has left summer and gone to a far off land for the next few weeks. Fear not, this blog has not missed a day since December 28, 2006 and the
snide remarks insightful commentary will continue.
Who am I? Well, I am definitely NOT the 31st Greatest Crossword Puzzle Solver in the Universe! Not even close. I am the 29thGreatest Crossword Puzzle Solver in the Universe! My name is Jeffrey, and Rex has allowed me back as long as I promise not to repeat my previous performance. Sure Rex, whatever you say (snicker). It's all about Canada today!
First, an announcement. Due to rising costs incurred in maintaining this site, effective July 9, 2012 there will be a daily 2¢ viewing fee. However, to reward our regular readership, this fee will be waived for one year for everyone who leaves a non-Anonymous comment today. [Hello: this is Rex. Really Rex. The preceding comment about a "viewing fee" was a joke. I repeat, a joke. (I'm writing this from Dulles only because of all the confused / freaked out email I'm getting). There is no charge to view the site. There will never be a charge to view the site. It will always be free and there will never be ads. Thank you.]
Step 1 – Name the constructor.
Constructor: Dan Schoenholz
Step 3 – Insert answer grid. If you can’t solve it yourself, go to Crossword Fiend who always solves it before you. Leave a random square coloured red to ensure someone will ask about it.
Step 4 - Theme: Describe theme in ten words or less. One of those words must be “wacky”. If you can’t figure out the theme, check the day. Friday and Saturday don’t have themes. So insert “themeless” instead. If it is another day and you still can’t figure out the theme, use the word “fail” somewhere in your post.
This puzzle is a hated pangram, if you messed up your solution and put in a Q, X and Z. (That's a zed, people!) It is also a quad-stack if you stick letters in some of the black squares. It is also a list of some people who were BORN ON THE FOURTH OF JULY! My wife was born on the third of July, explaining her absence from the puzzle. Oh boy. Wait here, I've got to buy a card.
Ok, I'm back.
Step 7 - List the theme answers as if you understood them. Point out flaws in the theme. Constructors love that.
- 28A. [President who was 65-Across (1872)] - CALVIN COOLIDGE. That would be exactly 46 years after Thomas Jefferson and John Adams died.
- 39A. [Presidential daughter who was 65-Across (1998)] - MALIA OBAMA
- 45A. [Novelist who was 65-Across (1804)] - NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE
- 83A. [Team owner who was 65-Across (1930)] - GEORGE STEINBRENNER. He owned oxen. I learned what team meant in crosswords.
- 95A. [Columnist who was 65-Across (1918)] - ANN LANDERS. Somewhere, her twin sister Dear Abby is really pissed for not being in the puzzle.
- 107A. [Literary critic who was 65-Across (1905)] - LIONEL TRILLING. We've run out of famous people already.
- 65A. [See 28-, 39-, 45-, 83-, 95- and 107-Across] - BORN ON THE FOURTH OF JULY
Step 9 – Use bullets to talk about the fill. (Fill is a fancy-shmancy term for words.) Be sure to mention a classic English book that you have never read. Refer admirably to “The Simpsons” twice a week. Point out lousy fill and bad crossings. Editors love that. If you go really over the top with an all out "how did this ever get published" screed, Will (Yes it is really me) Shortz might comment.
- 20A. [Player of the younger Cunningham on "Happy Days"] - MORAN. Erin played Chuck. aaaayyyyyyy!!!!
- 22A. ["Yes, I'm a Witch" singer, 1992] - ONO.
- 23A. [___ Bay, 1898 battle site] - MANILA. So was MALIA named after the 100th anniversary of this battle?
- 33A. [Capital of Denmark?] - DEE. "D" is the capital letter in Denmark. Yes, clues can be like that.
- 74A. ["This is dedicated to the ___ love"] - ONE I
- 89A. [Have ___ one's words] - TO EAT. Congratulations, TOEAT! You are the 140th best answer in this puzzle! Woo! Who died and let you into this puzzle? Did anyone edit this thing? How did it ever get published?! Will, step away from the table tennis table and start looking at this stuff you are running!
- 112A. [When sung five times, an Abba hit] - I DO
- 117A. [D.C. player] - NAT. Apologies to TOEAT. This is #140. We do not acknowledge the existance of a NAT! Anytime NAT is mentioned, a storm appears above Washington.
- 6D. [Pinch-hits (for)] - STANDS IN. What does this mean? How does one stand in for one? I don't understand the concept.
- 7D. [Former financing inits.] - GMAC. They are now called ALLY but they still suck money out of your bank account every month to pay for your Cruze.
- 18D. [Impersonated] - POSED AS. Again not understanding the concept. Why would someone pose as someone else?
- 51D. [One of the Estevez brothers] - RAMON. Also dad Martin Sheen's real name.
- 64D. [Magic lamp figure] - DJINN. A word that is made up to psych you out after you put genie. Could be from Shakespeare, but I never read her.
- 68D. [Den ___, Nederland] - HAAG. I live in Saanich so I can't hate on AA names.
- 81D. [Mint products] - CENTS. Not Certs but coin-making mints.
- 85D. ["I'll send an ___ to the world" (Police lyric)] - SOS. There is a rule against referring to two ABBA songs in the same puzzle so we go the lyric route.
- 97D. [West of Nashville] - DOTTIE. I think she played Batgirl. Adam West has made several appearances on the awesome Simpsons.
- 108D. [Anarchist Goldman] - EMMA. Is that an occupation you put on your passport?
This puzzle wasn't so bad after all.
Step 11 - Sign fake name and publish.
Signed, Jeffrey, Governor General of CrossWorld