For real, to Gen Z / THU 7-10-25 / River through six Asian countries / Sparkling water additive / Freelancer's lack / Major-league team known as the "North Siders," locally / It can follow anyone / Vape, informally / Glazer of "Broad City" / 1970 Van Morrison title track / Heckelphone relative / Ending with lemon or cannon

Constructor: Emily Biegas and Sala Wanetick

Relative difficulty: Medium (easy theme, but the fill slowed me down a bunch)

[skinny puzzle! 14x16 grid]

THEME: face cards — face cards (the letter + the suit symbol) are used as punny clues for people who are experts in their fields:

Theme answers:

• MASTER GARDENER (19A: A♠️) (an "ace" of garden "spades")
• TIGER WOODS (K♣️) (a "king" of golf "clubs")
• MATCHMAKER (Q❤️) (a "queen" of uniting people's "hearts")
• JACKIE ROBINSON (57A: J♦️) (a "jack" (???) of the baseball "diamond")

Word of the Day: MEKONG (47D: River through six Asian countries) —

The Mekong or Mekong River (UK: /miːˈkɒŋ/ mee-KONG, US: /ˌmeɪˈkɔːŋ/ may-KAWNG) is a transboundary river in East Asia and Southeast Asia. It is the world's twelfth-longest river and the third-longest in Asia with an estimated length of 4,909 km (3,050 mi) and a drainage area of 795,000 km² (307,000 sq mi), discharging 475 km³ (114 cu mi) of water annually. From its headwaters in the Tibetan Plateau, the river runs through Southwest China (where it is officially called the Lancang River), Myanmar, Laos, Thailand, Cambodia, and southern Vietnam. The extreme seasonal variations in flow and the presence of rapids and waterfalls in the Mekong make navigation difficult, though the river remains a major trade route between Tibet and Southeast Asia. The construction of hydroelectric dams along the Mekong in the 2000s through the 2020s has caused serious problems for the river's ecosystem, including the exacerbation of drought.

• • •

Apologies for the short write-up today. I've got a plane to catch later this morning, *plus* I was out late last night ("late" for me, i.e. past 10pm), and so I slept in ("in" for me, i.e. 4:30am), and just don't have as much time (or mental clarity, probably) as I normally do. This was an odd one, as the theme was actually very easy to decipher (for a Thursday, especially), but that meant that they put a lot of "difficulty" into the clues to compensate, or at least that's what it felt like. Never that fun to have the short stuff (and, once again, there's a lot of it) be the source of puzzle difficulty. This is another way of saying that the fill just wasn't that exciting. Solid, but not head-turning. And the themers themselves were ... fine, but kind of arbitrary (except for MASTER GARDENER—not sure who else you'd call an "ace of spades"). There's one thing I don't understand about the theme, though, and that's the last theme answer (JACKIE ROBINSON). Is "jack" being used to mean "expert" (as "ace" "king" and "queen" are in the other theme clues)? I've only heard of "jack" used that way in the phrase "jack of all trades." I've seen "crackerjack" used this way, but not "jack." But then I thought, maybe it's a joke, and that the clue is really just a reference to "JACK"IE ROBINSON's name. Then I thought, wait, is it both? Anyway, to the extent that "jack" is supposed to mean "expert," I don't like it. Doesn't land like the other three face card terms do. But I sort of like the absurdity of cluing Jackie as a "Jack"—so ridiculous it's clever.

Top half of this puzzle was easy, bottom half was a mess. Wanted ON END (?) before ON ICE (30D: Not straight up, in a way), which was a minor issue, but it signaled that things were about to go off the rails a bit. I know "Vape" only as a verb, so did *not* see E-CIG coming (48A: Vape, informally). The skirt could've been MINIS or MIDIS (46D: Certain skirts) ("Certain" not really helping me at all). I could not come up with the second part of STAGE NAME to save my life (37D: Nicki Minaj or Iggy Pop, e.g.). "40-40" could be a lot of things (a tie ... an equation whose result is zero ...). So I had passed on that SE corner and went back to the SW corner, which was somehow worse, largely because I thought 45D: Submit (ACCEDE) was ALLEGE (as in, "I submit that you, yes you, stole my cookie, sir"). I have no idea what the clue on ESSENCE thinks it's doing (49A: Sparkling water additive). ESSENCE of ... what? "I'd like some sparkling water, please." "With or without ESSENCE?" No. I mean, I'm sure there are flavorings in some sparkling waters called "ESSENCE of ___" but no, that clue was not to my liking at all. Oh, and the reason ALLEGE stuck in place as long as it did for me was because the first "L" confirmed ("confirmed") PAL at 47A: Bud (MAC). To be honest, this whole mess probably didn't hold me up for that long, but compared to the top half of the grid, the bottom half def played slower. 

OK, I got like 15 minutes left to write, so let's go straight to the round-up:

Round-up:

• 1A: Major-league team known as the "North Siders," locally (CUBS) — first instinct: NATS. Why? Because if I'm half asleep, some primal crossword part of my brain just takes over, and NATS is the most common four-letter baseball team (right? I mean, historically, it would be METS, but since the NATS came into existence, it's gotta be them). CUBS are North Siders, WHITE SOX are South Siders (I can't remember ever seeing WHITE SOX in the grid, though SOX is common enough). Looks like WHITE SOX has been the puzzle precisely once, 30 years ago, clued as [World Series losers, 1919]. They won the World Series in '05, but that has apparently done nothing to enhance their crossword status. 
• 60A: 2025 Pixar film (ELIO) — I resent this movie (well, its xword-friendly title) for ensuring that yet another damn animated movie (and its lore) will be in my grid forever and ever and ever. COCO WALL-E SHREK MOANA ... Finding NEMO ... how many FROZEN characters have I had to learn!? It's wearying.
• 67A: It can follow anyone (ELSE) — The phrase "anyone ELSE" exists, so ... you can't say the clue isn't accurate. Dumb, maybe, but not inaccurate.

• 7D: For real, to Gen Z (NO CAP) — please don't say you've never heard of this phrase unless you just started doing puzzles and/or reading me today. We've talked about this phrase before. Multiple times. Earlier this month, in fact. "CAP" (in this sense) was a Word of the Day last year.
• 52D: Cynthia of "Wicked" (ERIVO) — another former Word of the Day (2022). This is the third appearance for the Wicked star. A few pop culture hurdles today, which might've spelled trouble for the pop culture-averse. ERIVO. ILANA. SALMA. There's also MANU (N.B.A. star Ginóbli), which is sports, but sports are "pop culture"-adjacent, so I think he belongs on this list.
• 59D: Freelancer's lack (BOSS) — because "secure employment" wouldn't fit. Did not see this particular answer coming. For a second, I thought it might be POST (as in, a regular position, a steady job).

Done! Could've been shorter, but still, pretty short. Proud of myself. Gotta run. See you next time.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

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