Headache for Ranger Smith / SAT 4-7-18 / Nestle product first sold in 1961 / Early example of reductio ad absurdum / Country formed by 1964 merger / Corona with tequila fruit juice / Bondn villain Stavro Blofeld

Constructor: Mark Diehl

Relative difficulty: Challenging

THEME: none

Word of the Day: TETANY (9D: Condition caused by abnormal calcium levels) —

Tetany or tetany seizure is a medical sign consisting of the involuntary contraction of muscles, which may be caused by disease or other conditions that increase the action potential frequency of muscle cells or the nerves that innervate them. Muscle cramps which are caused by the disease tetanus are not classified as tetany; rather, they are due to a lack of inhibition to the neurons that supply muscles. [???] [wikipedia]

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This is why I should never try to solve the Saturday puzzle in the morning. Roll out of bed at 5:30am and come face to face with this? No. Would not willingly relive. Took me > 2x my normal Saturday time, and most of that was spent staring at a grid that wouldn't budge. Repeatedly wouldn't budge. It wasn't just the difficulty that was frustrating; it's that some of the tough clues had such deeply, profoundly unsatisfying answers (MENU PAGES???) and too many of the clues were difficult by means of vagueness. Also names names names. Was pretty sure about Jermaine O'NEAL (2D: Jermaine ___, six-time N.B.A. All-Star of the early 2000s), but a. that's Shaquille's name, and b. I thought maybe O'NEIL, so I left it. No idea on RANKIN (19A: Jeannette ___, first U.S. congressowoman). John of Plymouth Colony is something I should know, but I wanted John ROLFE, which also fit, but which, sadly, was the Wrong Colony. I still barely know who EBAN is, and I have no idea what an "Israel Prize" is, so ??? on 6D: 2001 Israel Prize winner. No idea about TETANY *at all*, and the wikipedia definition ... doesn't help, in that it both does and doesn't establish a relationship to tetanus? Baffling. Why are TANDEMS "big rigs"? Like, the bikes? Are there other TANDEMS? [Fix a flat for?], ugh, so many different wordplays for "flat" (never thought of the music one, only the British apartment one and the shoe one). BEERGARITA = never heard of it in any context ever (17A: Corona with tequila and fruit juice, e.g.). I mean, I seeeeee the portmanteauiness of it all, now, but that answer (and drink, I assume) is barf. Why would you pollute your tequila like that?


Almost every answer was a grind. Got started (finally).in the east with LEGO / ENO / ETON and was never so glad to encounter crosswordese in my life. I thought when I dropped ZENO'S PARADOX I was set (21D: Early example of reductio ad absurdum). But no. That SE corner wouldn't move. At all. Even with the "X" in it. If I hadn't just woken up, Nouvelle RICHE probably would've occurred to me (literally yelled at myself when I finally got it—could think only of filmdom's "Nouvelle VAGUE"). ERNST, forgot it. CNOTE, wanted CSPOT. TRAM ROUTES ... ugh, see MENU PAGES (i.e. Made-Up Phrase, Not A Thing). The killer, though, was DUST PAN. I had DUST MOP—The End. Adjacent letters looked OK, so it took me literally minutes to question it. Pffff. The worst, though, was the SW, where I had -AGES at 31D: They're flipped at diners) and -DICE at 35D: Things that can't be loaded and -CESS at 43A: Spin like a gyroscope, and ... nothing. No Thing. PRECESS? Not a word I've ever seen. FAIR DICE?!?!? That is the epitome of Green Paint (i.e. phrase in no way strong enough to stand alone). You expect dice to be "fair." When they're not, they're loaded. LOADED DICE is a thing. FAIR DICE ARE JUST DICE. I considered FAIR, but also TRUE, REAL ... what the hell? And MENU PAGES, LOL, no. BOOK PAGES, also no. PAMPHLET PAGES, similarly, no. YELLOW PAGES, yes! LEAFLET PAGES, DICTIONARY PAGES, all no.


Finally somehow figured out IRAQ / SQUIB, and then RIPS, and RIM (29A: Goaltending spot) (really thought "goaltending" was just the act of tending goal, not the specific basketball penalty wherein a player block the downward progress of a shot ball or otherwise interferes with the ball when it's above the RIM) (again, I own that half of the misery of solving this thing was a function of my trying to solve it with sleep in my eyes).  Even stupid little stuff like 16A: Shortly after was killing me. Wanted SOON and ANON and never considered UPON until I got the "P." Just a horrible experience, with very few pleasing highlights. How would I know where a PANAMA hat originated? I'm looking this over and trying to find cleverness, and don't see much of it. It's just hard. Old-school hard. It's a fine enough grid, but unless you're impressed by BEERGARITA, there's not much pleasure here.

Signed, Rex Parker, King of CrossWorld

P.S. TETANY sounds like something people are going to start naming their daughters in 3, 2, ...

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